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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 8:45 isn’t time for.....

178 replies

Babblepook · 20/05/2019 20:52

Ostentatious family garden time?

My next door neighbours seem to think it is. Every night they bring their toddler out about this time and then loudly whoop and shout joyous declarations at such things such as him kicking a ball or them all dancing in a circle clapping their hands.

It’s really annoying

OP posts:
bordellosboheme · 20/05/2019 21:46

In our house with a 7 year old and 3 year old is between 7 and 8.30.if i try to get them in bed before that they keep bouncing back down the stairs and it is fucking relentless. Without looking them in the room, this is the only other way. Let them burn off steam.... Try to find pleasure in your neighbours enjoying their children.

ifCakesHappens · 20/05/2019 21:48

The issue is that it's very rude and inconsiderate to be noisy first thing in the morning or after 8pm. My own kids go to bed quite late by English standards, but I respect the fact that others are entitled to an early night or a quiet evening.

Technically, we could all let the kids jump on the trampoline and listen to loud music, but it makes it a much nicer environment if everybody is quiet. No need to hear the feral kids from next door when you are having a quiet diner outside.

PrtScn · 20/05/2019 21:49

Oh god, I hope people don't think I performance parent. I always talk to my son when we are getting showered and changed at the swimming pool - telling him he's a good boy etc as it stops him from screaming the place down. I must sound like a complete knob to other people.

UrsulaPandress · 20/05/2019 21:50

Who sets these arbitrary times? 8pm? Why?

ifCakesHappens · 20/05/2019 21:52

PrtScn
talking to your children is perfectly normal, making a big show about it for the benefit of the ones around you isn't. Grin

I don't understand people guilty of performance parenting: no one cares about their kids, it makes them look like nob, why do they bother

ifCakesHappens · 20/05/2019 21:53

Who sets these arbitrary times? 8pm? Why?

I'd say 7pm-8pm, a reasonable time for things to be quiet.
People start going to bed at this time, come back from work, have diner, it's the time where everybody gets silent around here, and it's absolutely lovely.

Bluntness100 · 20/05/2019 21:56

It's a sad day when you can't play with Your own kid in your own garden without some arsehole accusing you of performance parenting.

ControversialFerret · 20/05/2019 21:58

I don't expect gardens to be deathly silent once 7pm strikes. The whole point of a garden is to use it. But if you have neighbours, and most people will, then a bit of consideration goes a long way. It's rather wearing to sit outside and have to listen to Rufus' parents busily shouting to him about the historic origins of houmous and the correct way to harvest chickpeas. Fortunately my other neighbours are all quite normal Grin

RosaWaiting · 20/05/2019 21:59

people are so fucking noisy these days. I feel for you OP.

SarahAndQuack · 20/05/2019 21:59

They absolutely are performance parenting.

But not for you.

For the toddler.

Who is not yet asleep.

I have a non-sleeping toddler and although today she has, as of five minutes ago, consented to sleep, we have had long patches when she wasn't asleep until near midnight. It's bloody horrible and yes, you get into a vicious circle where you do things like taking them outside at 8pm for energetic play, and you tell them with the manic enthusiasm of exhaustion that they're wonderful.

I absolutely guarantee to you, a parent who is doing this is a parent who is wishing to high heaven their child would go down earlier. You may think they're simply being silly in not 'following a routine' or 'keeping to a bedtime,' but trust me, chances are they have tried all they possibly can, and they're just stuck with the grim knowledge that this child is not a sleeper.

Justbreathing · 20/05/2019 22:00

Seriously.
You don’t live next to a meth head
Count yourself lucky and have some grip on reality

Lllot5 · 20/05/2019 22:07

Could be worse, there’s some prick driving a motorbike up and down the street here.

RosaWaiting · 20/05/2019 22:08

Llot5 oh, are we neighbours?

NoSauce · 20/05/2019 22:12

Yabu but I understand. It’s not the noise so much but the performance parenting like you say.

I can’t stand it at the best of times but when it’s next door and you can’t move away, that is grim.

Gin
GunpowderGelatine · 20/05/2019 22:15

I hate it when people trot out the line "as long as it's before 11pm it's fine". Well back in the real world where you know your neighbours have small children, to go out at nearly 9pm and loudly whoop really isn't on. There are other ways to exhaust a toddler and even if they do use the garden why do they have to make so much noise. Mine are in from garden play at 7pm and I was beginning to wonder if that was too late Confused

GunpowderGelatine · 20/05/2019 22:19

I have visuals of the only-on-MN "it's fine before 11pm I love to see kids play" camp smiling adoringly out their window at their screeching neighbours at 10.59pm and then when the clocks strikes 11pm dialling 101 and making a noise complaint

Original poster
Babblepook · 20/05/2019 22:19

The toddler makes hardly any noise. It’s the mum and dad!

OP posts:
Gravelface · 20/05/2019 22:27

Totally with.you OP. @ifcakeshappens I am actually going to BBQ sardines and use fan as you suggest to see what effect that has on my gobshite neighbours, excellent suggestion.

PS. I think 8.45 is a bit late for a tot to be running around outside...how is belting around the garden winding down for bed?!

Amanduh · 20/05/2019 22:33

I dance aeound the garden with my toddler. We also tell him he’s clever boy repeatedly, clap him when he kicks a ball and generally have fun and are postive and happy when we’re in the garden and the sun is shining. We sing and occasionally we might woop. God FORBID - we push him on his swing and say ‘weeeeeeeeee!’
Apparently this is performance parenting now Confused
God forbid you actually like, praise and have fun with your kids...

Dontthinkofthegame · 20/05/2019 22:35

Kill joy OP!

Imustbemad00 · 20/05/2019 22:35

Haven’t read all replies but looks like I’m the only one that agrees with you. 8:45om is quite late, and very inconsiderate.
Not everyone has the same routine, understandable, but the majority of young kids are in bed at this time, and I would assume many adults are winding down for the evening, so I think it’s inconsiderate to make noise in a garden.
7:30pm would be the cut off time for me during the week. Maybe 8pm on a weekend.
I’d be annoyed with anything before 9:30am on a weekend too I think. Personally I’d be awake so it wouldn’t bother me, but I’d think the person inconsiderate and wouldn’t do it myself.

IsoscelesSandwich · 20/05/2019 22:38

You’re all making me feel like a Victorian - a 2 year old not in bed by almost 9pm!?

Skyejuly · 20/05/2019 22:42

I read a boom called 'how eskimos keep their children warm' and it's about parenting around the world and how England and USA seem obsessed with this assumed children not seemln or heard after 7pm rule and we are the ones that are more stressed!

Personally as long as they are not screaming I can't see the point.i love to enjoy a light summer evening. The seasons are so short and it will be dark at 3pm in no time. Let them enjoy family life.

UrsulaPandress · 20/05/2019 22:44

9.30am at the weekend? Seriously?

biggarbagetruck · 20/05/2019 22:45

It’s the loud whooping at ‘look at how much fun we’re having’

Comments like this really fuck me off. My child has extremely poor hearing and during the process of getting is sorted we've been told to talk very loudly to him. I can't stand eye rolling twats that think I'm performance parenting for their benefit.