Vindictive husband?

[MustBeMadness]

NC for this

Had a row with DH this morning. DD5 was acting up...he turned on me and blamed my lack of discipline with her. DD is a lovely, well-behaved child & I rarely need to correct her. So this morning was one of those rare times when she refused to cooperate when getting ready to leave.

I reacted by ranting back at him - not ideal, but my patience wasn't great (AF cramps, painkillers hadn't kicked in).
Anyway, following this row, I hung out the washing, did the school run and went to work.
I'd brought coffee from home - DH always brews a pot in the morning. This morning, my travel mug had already been filled, so I grabbed it as I left. Got to work and took a sip of coffee to realise my cup contained dirty cold water, instead of coffee.
He's never been vindictive towards me before - passive aggressive sometimes, but never anything that would cause me to mistrust him.
AIBU to treat this as a sign of something very wrong in our marriage? Or am I totally overreacting?

If it was deliberate I think that you are in trouble, that's a dreadful thing to do.

Of course he did it on purpose. He’s a complete and utter fuckwit.
Has he done something like this before?

In trouble.

That is utterly nasty.

I'd be really quite frightened if I thought for a minute that my DH was the kind of person who would even think of doing that.

But. As your H clearly is, I also find it impossible to believe that he's not generally a fairly unpleasant character. So I would now expect you to fill in the picture a bit more and for the response to be, generally 'yes he does sound pretty nasty'.

It’s not just a shit practical joke though is it OP? It was in retaliation for you daring to stand up for yourself when he blamed dd’s tantrum on you. From your guilt about ‘ranting back’, it sounds like he has you trained not to answer back, so the dirty water coffee was to get you back in your box.

Do you usually not answer back or try and placate him to keep the outrace?

I've thought of nothing else for the past 3 hours, trying to convince myself that there had to be another explanation. It wasn't an easy conclusion to reach.

*keep the peace

That is quite sinister really and very very nasty

I think you are in trouble

If that was on purpose it really IS an awful thing to do, abusive actually.

Usually when something like this happens, it might trigger some memories. Are you sure nothing like this has happened before? Something you brushed under the carpet as a mistake or joke on his part but got you thinking now?

If this is entirely out of character then I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and quiz him about it later - it could well have been a mistake or breakdown in communication. However, if he has done it deliberately, then he'll either not admit it and try to convince you you've made a mistake, or he'll admit it and then what do you do. It's potentially a very very big challenge and you will have to make a very very big response.

I think you need to find out if he did it on purpose.
If you took the cup without saying anything, than maybe it was an old cup that had been put aside.
I am surprised that others seems to have flooged him for a crime that he may not have committed.
It also makes me wonder that your first thought was that it was a vindictive act and not an accident, Is that what you would do if the shoes were on the other foot?

That wasn't accidental and you know that OP.

Don't laugh this off. Imagine what he's doing to your stuff that you don't know about.
How can you every trust him again?

You need to ask how this happened? If it was on purpose that would really upset me. Also why is he challenging your parenting style in front of your child? DH and I don’t always agree but we thrash it out once children are in bed. I’d be really upset if he did this in front of them. Talk about undermining.

I soak my travel mug to try to get rid of that stale smell you get from coffee. Could it have been left to soak and you didn't realise? Is your Dh a practical joker?

Would your DD of done it, thinking she is making you a coffee to make up for being naughty?

Oh that’s very nasty and highly unlikely to be an accident

Cut up a square of paper and write:
Ham slice
And put inbetween 2 pieces of bread.
Claim it was a joke...

Okay, so I've texted him and asked what was in my coffee cup. He said 'cold water'. I asked why and he said I needed cooling down.

rather than ask total strangers on here what you think he thought he did - ASK HIM

Why on earth didn't you just ring/text him and call him out on it and ask "what the fuck was in my cup this morning? And rather than regressing back to a child, if you're so pissed of with me after the disagreement, i would rather he didn't make me a coffee at all than act like a total twat" and see what he says

You need to call him op and ask him directly what happened to your coffee?

For sure, if he did this deliberately, you are never going to laugh about this in the future, it is a really nasty nasty thing to do. He clearly has a very dark side to him.

Okay so he did do it on purpose.

Fucking hell, that is really unkind to say the least.

Who the fuck does he think he is ?

Tomorrow you need to make him a sandwich and just fill the bread with sugar.

When he texts reply "it's cause you're bitter"

Nasty fucker. You don't do that to somebody you even like, nevermind supposedly love.

That was a weird thing to do, sounds like something an 8 year old would do. So he's either really childish or something more sinister

It's possible he filled the cup with water to soak it because it was a bit grimy, but I think the fact that you're asking means you do think he's capable of doing something so spiteful. I'd be seriously worried going forward - what's he going to do next time you have a row?