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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

suspicious about DH

161 replies

worriedsick77 · 20/05/2019 11:38

NC for this. I've found something on DH's laptop that makes me worry he's been up to no good. I need to talk to him about it. He's a pilot and he's away with work until Friday. I could ring him, he's not flying right now. I don't want to put him off his job though, whether I am right or wrong, I don't want to put him and has passengers/crew in danger when he flies later if he's distracted and worried sick about this (either about me being wrong, or him being caught). Please help me sit on my hands until he comes home. I don't want to discuss what I found, I'm not ready to do that on here. I just need help to calm down until it's the right time to discuss it.

OP posts:

LittlefairyMum · 20/05/2019 15:14

Thinking of you OP, hopefully there's an innocent explanation but if it were me I'd use these few days to search from top to bottom because if he slipped up once, he may have done again...

I really hope you find nothing else but I'd have to take this opportunity whilst acting really normal and happy when he's on the phone so he doesn't get wind.

Have you a friend to talk to ?

Rosie16 · 20/05/2019 15:16

Just goes to show what a strong person you are.. whatever you’be found, I hope it’s not true because it sounds like he’s lucky to have you.

If it was me I’d be digging as much as I could to find out the truth, but that’s just me and I wouldn’t be able to resist knowing. Very responsible of you to wait until he returns though for the safety of his passengers.

Was his laptop locked? Did you find it by accident or were you looking to find something? X

cuppycakey · 20/05/2019 15:16

Yes, you would be able to see if she had taken it herself and sent it to him.

Is it possible he wasn't where you thought he was OP?

Rosie16 · 20/05/2019 15:21

OP, this photo you’ve found. Could you drop it into a search engine to see if it brings up a hit for a profile page or a website? It might be an image he’s downloaded while away. He might have been sent it but not done anything, like this woman was flirting but he’s ignored it. It might be from a mate. My husband has been sent some ridiculous photos in shared WhatsApp groups he’s shown me as he finds it funny. You don’t know yet.

I would definitely search the image first. X

lucymegan · 20/05/2019 15:23

Good idea. Search the image first.

NoSauce · 20/05/2019 15:26

I doubt anyone keep something dodgy that a friend had sent if I’m honest.

OP where exactly did you find it?

Philmitchell · 20/05/2019 15:28

My DHs single friend sent him a photo of some girl he was shagging.

Could be that?

Rosie16 · 20/05/2019 15:28

Anything in his deleted folder? What about his search history? X

coconuttelegraph · 20/05/2019 15:28

Is the location one that his airline flies to? I know that won't prove anything but if it isn't it might mean it's not one of his co-workers in the photo

Rosie16 · 20/05/2019 15:34

Could it be from a live porn chat or something? Girls have webcams don’t they, so he might have done a screen shot. Or maybe he paid for an image. Just trying to find more innocent but believable excuses. I’d be pissed, but would be slightly more understanding. If he phones a lot while he’s away I doubt he’s having a relationship.

Is it pornographic or just flirtatious? Does the room in the background look staged or is it a bit messy like someone’s bedroom would be?

TheFastandCurious · 20/05/2019 15:35

The thing is, he has already cheated on you and you forgave him. So you know he would do it to you and he knows you accepted it (enough to not end the relationship) This does make it more likely he would do it again.

But, one photo is easily explained away. It’s going to be very difficult to prove.,

Rosie16 · 20/05/2019 15:43

In his defence, I’ve been with my DH 10 years, married for 6. Early in the relationship I had a fling and he forgave me. It was a mistake and I have never been tempted to do it again because I would never want to risk losing my husband for one, but also I’ve been there done that and didn’t like how it made me feel. The guilt the hiding. It was horrible and I hated myself for it. Some people don’t cheat for the joy or excitement, sometimes it’s a mistake and something we really regret. I’m not sticking up for him, but he might not have done anything wrong. Sounds like he has been quite honest and open since. Usually if you find an image you’d find something else like a number from someone or a deleted email or a random text on a day you’re out together. I hope it’s really nothing serious x

IceIceCoffee · 20/05/2019 15:56

It's terrible the amount seemingly sending half naked pictures of people they are seeing to friends. I wouldn't like it if d.p sent photos of me.
As a reply to another comment , Cheating isn't a mistake. Its a choice.

Hope you get to the bottom of it op.

HappyRoots · 20/05/2019 15:56

Some people don’t cheat for the joy or excitement, sometimes it’s a mistake and something we really regret.

A mistake, lol. What did you do, trip over and accidentally land on his penis? How is it "in his defence" to describe your own adultery here. Pathetic.

Rosie16 · 20/05/2019 16:02

I’m saying I don’t know why he cheated first time? Do you?

I don’t need to justify to you or explain myself. No, I didn’t fall on his cock! Sometimes people make mistakes and unfortunately you can’t rewind time. I’ve never wanted to do it again and I wouldn’t.

So I am trying to comfort the OP that just because he’s text an ex or whatever happened (no ones business) doesn’t mean he’s a serial cheater. So far she has found a picture. It could be from absolutely anywhere at this point as she has nothing more to go by.

I am not pathetic at all.. you’re just fucking rude!

Oohgossip · 20/05/2019 16:04

YouJustDoYou · 20/05/2019 16:05

They do fly with some absolute immature cockwombles. Some times as well, especially if they've given their number out to the crew for that flight whilst landside, you'll get the odd crew member sending them silly messages/photos.

FoxSquadKitten · 20/05/2019 16:06

Tbf OP's DH's cheating with his ex was before they got married, so I kind of agree with Rosie, it doesn't mean he'll do it again.

Zuma76 · 20/05/2019 16:20

Trust your instincts and don’t just to conclusions. Only after you have spoken to him do you need to decide if you believe him.

MRex · 20/05/2019 16:22

Did you try reverse Google image search OP? Just in case it throws anything up.

If a mate sent the photo then he'll have access to the original message when you see him and be able to show it to you immediately.

Sorry you're having a stressful time.

DiaryofWimpyMumm · 20/05/2019 16:26

I hope it turns out to be something innocent op.

Emmapeeler · 20/05/2019 16:33

OP you are very strong. When I suspected an affair I couldn’t help tell DH immediately. Turned out there was a simple explanation for some odd texts. I hope there is a simple explanation for this.

HappyRoots · 20/05/2019 16:41

FoxSquadKitten Mon 20-May-19 16:06:54
Tbf OP's DH's cheating with his ex was before they got married, so I kind of agree with Rosie, it doesn't mean he'll do it again.

Yes, hopefully that's the case here. I don't believe the "once a cheater..." thing either. It was the referring to adultery as a "mistake" rather than a choice, which I find objectionable. It is always a choice.

Hopefully there's a simple explanation for this photo.

Rosie16 · 20/05/2019 16:49

Foxsquadkitten.. a choice can still be a mistake. You’re splitting hairs now.. It’s unnecessary.
I wasn’t married I was 19! I didn’t know he’d turn out to be my husband. I was an immature girl who got flattered by another young lad. I had very low self esteem at the time and was in a long distance relationship. Yes I made a bad choice, decision.. whatever YOU want to call it. I told me bf, we decided to part ways and 6 months later after a break we decided to get back together. I shouldn’t have to justify but I feel as though I have to. I was trying to give an alternative view that not everyone who has cheated, kissed another person, text another person, they aren’t all serial liars out to do it again.
Obviously I can see I’m not going win this one. I’m an adulterer so that must immediately make me a bad person.

BuildBuildings · 20/05/2019 16:50

Where was the pic? For example all of my what's app images save to my Google photo library so if I access that on my laptop they show up. I think you can set up email and sms attachments / pics in the same way. Or was it in downloads? Just this info would help understanding what might be going on. BTW I think it was the right decision to wait until he's home. Difficult for you but best for safety! Well done

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