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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

suspicious about DH

161 replies

worriedsick77 · 20/05/2019 11:38

NC for this. I've found something on DH's laptop that makes me worry he's been up to no good. I need to talk to him about it. He's a pilot and he's away with work until Friday. I could ring him, he's not flying right now. I don't want to put him off his job though, whether I am right or wrong, I don't want to put him and has passengers/crew in danger when he flies later if he's distracted and worried sick about this (either about me being wrong, or him being caught). Please help me sit on my hands until he comes home. I don't want to discuss what I found, I'm not ready to do that on here. I just need help to calm down until it's the right time to discuss it.

OP posts:

Highfivemum · 20/05/2019 13:58

Take a step back. One random photo is hardly conclusive. Lots of reasons as to how it is there. I would sit right and just directly ask. His reaction will give you the answer. Well done for thinking of others though before acting

1forAll74 · 20/05/2019 13:59

If you are a pilot/captain/cabin crew etc, it is fairly normal to socialise with colleagues,especially on long haul flights,and staying over in hotels etc. This might mean,drinking in bars,and rooms,and taking endless photo's during the break from flying..This hopefully will be an innocent thing that you have found..

I have known a few pilots over the years, also my son now has a girlfriend who works as cabin crew on a big airline, and she often tells me about the off duty times they have whilst away.. Nothing untowards at all, just fun and relaxation,after the serious business of flying.

nc100 · 20/05/2019 14:06

Do those random photos include a woman in her knickers on a clearly ruffled bed? That's not harmless fun.

If he says it was sent by a mate have the mate resend the photo as proof there and then. Seems like the least likely scenario to be honest

RhiWrites · 20/05/2019 14:11

I think you can find out a lot about a photo by looking in the EXIF data. That includes where it was taken.

OP, it’s entirely possible this was sent by a friend. But the data will tell you if the time and location accords with where your partner was or not.

klendraa · 20/05/2019 14:14

It really could be nothing, stay calm

impossible · 20/05/2019 14:28

Why are you imagining the worst? Calm down until you can ask him.

Omzlas · 20/05/2019 14:32

OP, I understand you have reasons to not trust your DH but this could be absolutely nothing, write the email but try to keep an open mind about it as there may well be a rational explanation

Nearlythere1 · 20/05/2019 14:33

"Calming down until you ask him" - what difference is asking him going to make to the situation really? He has form for cheating and he's never going to fess up to it straight away, so Op is going to be in the same limbo. Yes by all means stay calm but definitely get the photo information and I think the PP suggestion that if he claims a mate sent it to him, get him to ask for it again and don't let DH or his phone leave your sight until this "mate" replies. Woman in knickers on ruffled bed sounds all kinds of incriminating and really I think ti can only mean one thing, although like i said, the husband is NEVER going to admit this straight up unless OP can prove it was his camera that took it.

IkickedtheBigC · 20/05/2019 14:33

Well done on thinking of the plane load of people when you're feeling so stressed x x

Original poster

worriedsick77 · 20/05/2019 14:42

The location doesn't add up with where he was when it was taken, it was in a different country! I don't get it though, why does he have it? What if she's a colleague and she sent it herself.

OP posts:

FizzyGreenWater · 20/05/2019 14:45

It sounds like that is now the more likely option then.

A colleague in a different country on a different stopover - 'Wish you were here'.

Is there any way might be able to identify the woman in the photo?

deydododatdodontdeydo · 20/05/2019 14:46

It may have been sent to him rather than him taking it.
Could it be from a woman he was flirting with on tinder or similar?
Could well be he has never met her, just swapped photos.

babyno5 · 20/05/2019 14:52

I think you've been incredibly composed OP.
Given it was a different country to where he was then a WhatsApp message from one of his laddish mates seems likely.
Hoping for a positive outcome for you xxx

aatwi · 20/05/2019 14:53

Reverse image search? What if it's a photo from the internet that he's just saved and not something taken by him or sent to him.

nc100 · 20/05/2019 14:55

Is it in a country he flies to? Is she posing for the camera?

SelfIdentifyingAsAnonymous · 20/05/2019 14:56

Was he really where he said he was when it was taken?

Fiveredbricks · 20/05/2019 14:57

My sister worked for a high end airline as a flight attendant. She actually left as she was sick to death of how much the pilots shagged around and tried it on. They're as bad as emergency service staff for it, op. The tales even shocked my mates wjo are coppers! Hopefully it's totally innocent but has this really only ever been the first time you've suspected him? 😳

Also he could very well have a 'burner' pay as you go phone OP. You've only got to read the adultery forums online to know they all have them 🤷

Fiveredbricks · 20/05/2019 14:59

@1forAll74 your son's girlfriend is lying through her teeth 😂 or she's totally oblivious to it all happening around her. I know of airbus staff who even used to shag in the staff cabin!

Gruzinkerbell1 · 20/05/2019 15:04

OP I’m so impressed with your composure in all of this. Putting the safety of the crew and passengers above your own feelings is so strong.

It could well be a photo sent to him by a friend, showing off a conquest. All photos sent to me via WhatsApp save automatically to my phone. I have all manner of crap saved to my photos because I’m too lazy to go in and delete them all off. It really could be completely innocent.

for you. I really hope it’s nothing untoward.

Kezza8 · 20/05/2019 15:06

@1forAll74 Yes, because your son's girlfriend is really going to tell you if she is playing away!

FookMeFookYou · 20/05/2019 15:09

I'd forward the picture to his phone when you know he's landed and see what happens.

FoxSquadKitten · 20/05/2019 15:11

What if she's a colleague and she sent it herself.

Well has she taken the photo herself or has someone else taken it? 🧐

SneakyGremlins · 20/05/2019 15:12

Dunno, my friends have sent me photos before of people they're about to sleep with. Although, often at a bar or the living room and usually the person isn't looking at the camera. They are quite "WAHEYYY LOOK WHAT I'VE PULLED!" blokes, which OP says her husband's friends are like

FoxSquadKitten · 20/05/2019 15:12

What I mean is - can you see her arm extended?

LordPickle · 20/05/2019 15:14

Where exactly was the pic OP?

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