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AIBU?

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Original poster

suspicious about DH

161 replies

worriedsick77 · 20/05/2019 11:38

NC for this. I've found something on DH's laptop that makes me worry he's been up to no good. I need to talk to him about it. He's a pilot and he's away with work until Friday. I could ring him, he's not flying right now. I don't want to put him off his job though, whether I am right or wrong, I don't want to put him and has passengers/crew in danger when he flies later if he's distracted and worried sick about this (either about me being wrong, or him being caught). Please help me sit on my hands until he comes home. I don't want to discuss what I found, I'm not ready to do that on here. I just need help to calm down until it's the right time to discuss it.

OP posts:
JaneEyre07 · 20/05/2019 13:03

OP if you click right on the photo, you should be able to look at the file properties. On mine, it tells me if it was taken with my phone or camera and the date, sometimes even the location.

That may tell you if it's taken with his phone or it's something someone has shared with him?

You're dealing with this very rationally considering the shock you've had Flowers

IronManisnotDead · 20/05/2019 13:04

Have you tried doing a Google reverse image search?

nc100 · 20/05/2019 13:04

"as it's important to see his face and how he reacts"

Sorry but this is rubbish too. He'll act shocked/surprised/confused. Or he'll laugh and say, oh yeah, John sent it etc etc.

Neither of them tell you anything one way or another.

FizzyGreenWater · 20/05/2019 13:04

Hmm.

Yes it could easily be a whatsapp pic sent on by someone else to his phone, so possibly innocent (though quite ick). And unlikely, tbh. Really quite unlikely that a friend would send him a 'phwoar look who I just spent the night with' kind of message. It's the less likely option surely.

Other option is the obvious and the more likely scenario, sorry.

I would agree that you have NO IDEA whether he has another phone. It would be beyond easy for him to get hold of a payg and top it up in cash. I am not saying that he does, but DO NOT be waylaid by thinking that him having another phone would be difficult. It wouldn't be.

The history isn't good - yes 'open' could mean just that he is super careful.

The job type and the working away a lot also isn't great.

Reverse search the image in google for a start?

I wonder if you could also check out whether there are other 'unexplained' photos from the same date/week?

NoSauce · 20/05/2019 13:06

I think I would wait till he’s home and show him the photo.

FizzyGreenWater · 20/05/2019 13:07

OP if you click right on the photo, you should be able to look at the file properties. On mine, it tells me if it was taken with my phone or camera and the date, sometimes even the location.

That may tell you if it's taken with his phone or it's something someone has shared with him?

OP yes. Do this. My downloads from my phone have a different ID if the photo has come from whatsapp and someone else's phone. Look to see if other photos have the same name type etc.

FizzyGreenWater · 20/05/2019 13:10

Don't show him anything or say anything at all until you have got as far as you can with this.

Ultimately it is explainable right now. 'Oh Tom sent it for a laugh'. You will NEVER get further than that right now if it is dodgy, and he will be ultra careful from now on. You will always be left wondering.

Do as much digging as you can before you confront, if you do.

I am sorry OP but you also know he's capable of getting up to no good, so it's really a tough one.

NoSauce · 20/05/2019 13:11

Where was the photo on his laptop? How did you find it, was it hidden?

simplekindoflife · 20/05/2019 13:13

@nc100 "Sorry but this is rubbish too"

Don't hold back there on your opinion on my advice! Grin

But I don't think all men are good liars, some actually struggle to keep their story straight face to face. Especially when ambushed out of the blue.

Damntheman · 20/05/2019 13:14

How undressed was she? Was she topless? I'd be another vote for a whatsapp send, they get automatically added to camera roll and sometimes auto uploaded to cloud storage as well. Although if she's topless that's a really weird thing to send to a friend for a laugh. Are his friends that kind of laddish dickheads?

GirlcalledJack · 20/05/2019 13:18

It sounds quite suss but I don’t think you should jump the gun just yet.

It may still have an innocent explanation although probably a bit shitty something like, mate sent him the photo thinking he was being a lad and they both had the ‘all lads together’ mentality.

Really you need to talk to him and see how he reacts and if you believe whatever he tells you. You know him we don’t so I presume you should be able to tell if he lies?

I would call him as soon as finishes his flight.

nc100 · 20/05/2019 13:19

Simple Sorry Blush didn't mince my words there did I?

I just read it on here a lot and although you can sometimes spot a lie it's so hard and it's not foolproof. Especially when emotions are running high.

Once he knows she knows he'll brush it off as nothing and be extra careful. The OP will always wonder.

At least with facts, like which camera it was taken on, which hotel it was, who she is etc. the OP can disprove any lies she might get told.

nc100 · 20/05/2019 13:22

And he's cheated and been caught before. This time he's bound to be more careful.

I'd try tracking her down on social media, search any cabin crew you know friends lists etc. Might just find her.

Wherearemycrayons · 20/05/2019 13:26

Oh bless you, OP. I really hope there’s a logical explanation for it, unfortunately for me, I stand by ‘once a cheat always a cheat’ but I sincerely hope it’s different for you Flowers

Original poster
worriedsick77 · 20/05/2019 13:27

@Damntheman yes, a couple of them really are total dickheads.

OP posts:
TixieLix · 20/05/2019 13:27

Assume there are no identifying objects in the picture (eg items on a side table) that you can scrutinise to see if they belong to your DH?

Whereabouts on the laptop did you find the picture OP? Was it hidden in his files?

Collaborate · 20/05/2019 13:29

OP - as the photo is stored in a laptop, you should be able to find out various things about when it was taken, when it was added to the laptop, and what camera (or phone) was used to take it. Does the device match your husband's phone?

If it's an iphone, Apple photos will be able to tell you its precise location (assuming he hasn't turned off that feature on his phone).

If it's on windows, right click in the thunbnail of the photo, select properties, choose the "details" tab and scroll down to GPS. That gives you the coordinates of where it was taken.

coconuttelegraph · 20/05/2019 13:30

Where was the photo? Was it saved in the photos directory with any other photos backed up on the computer?

Does your DH usually take photos and store them on the computer?

There could be many explanations, downloading and saving 1 photo on a laptop you have access to is a stupid thing for someone who has given you zero other signs of having an affair to do.

Jess499427 · 20/05/2019 13:32

Agree with the posters who have recommended getting the location. If the photo has latitude and longitude in its metadata, you can pop that in google maps and get a very accurate location within a few metres.

cuppycakey · 20/05/2019 13:39

I hope this isn't what you think OP but it does look suspicious. You should be able to get quite a bit of info from the photo though as PP have explained. Flowers

Rufus27 · 20/05/2019 13:40

worriedsick77 weirdly, something similar happened to me yesterday and, despite my initial fears, it turned out to be totally innocent.

DP is a pilot and, like you, I am used to him night stopping and realise that it entails a certain amount of socialising with the crews.

I was scrolling through pictures on his phone yesterday with DS (toddler) and DS accidentally scrolled beyond the pictures we were looking at. Suddenly there was a close up of a very attractive woman. Like you, I panicked as I could see from the date it was while taken while he was away.

Long story short, other crew members had pinched his phone and taken some random pictures of each other. It was genuinely an innocent prank (there were pictures of DP deep in conversation with colleagues clearly unaware someone had his phone).

Really hope it's a similar outcome for you. I know exactly how you're feeling when you cant contact them (my Dad was suddenly taken critically ill a few weeks ago and I was still too scared to call DP on duty as I was worried it would distract him flying home).

Flowers
Goldenknigntsnights · 20/05/2019 13:43

I’ve just come back from the USA. All photos (taken there on my IPhone) and WhatsApp, show British time rather than local. Something to bear in mind if you do check.

petrocellihouse · 20/05/2019 13:44

You can access the email that he has linked to the iPad, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have another secret web based email account that he can access without having to use the iPad. Sorry if that sounds bleak but it is a possibility.

TheSerenDipitY · 20/05/2019 13:51

so send the kids off the day hes due home, when he gets home have his bags and belongings all packs and sitting at the door... when he comes in say we need to talk.. sit him down and talk, once you feel you have said all you need to, tell him the bags are the other option if he feels he needs to lie about his actions, or if he feels the need to be with another woman who isnt his WIFE, he can freely take the bags and go

FoxSquadKitten · 20/05/2019 13:57

when he gets home have his bags and belongings all packs and sitting at the door...

That's a bit extreme, it could be entirely innocent, OP doesn't know enough at the moment.