Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To fancy a teacher at my sons school?

163 replies

askingforamate · 19/05/2019 18:45

Any teachers out there? What's the deal?

Said teacher is single, I feel like it's a mutual thing, I really don't know.

Is there a policy on teacher/parent dating?

OP posts:
Original poster
askingforamate · 20/05/2019 17:51

Thanks @Susiedog - that's what I think. Where is the harm really. He's a person before he's a teacher. I don't see the harm really.

OP posts:
hippoherostandinghere · 20/05/2019 17:52

Could you not send him a FB friend request. If he accepts then he's definitely interested and if he doesn't then you'll know he's not and you don't have to take it any further.

Original poster
askingforamate · 20/05/2019 18:28

@hippoherostandinghere - I don't know if I would have the nerve. I don't even know if he uses it much so, I would just be mortified if he didn't respond - I feel it would just embarrass him.

OP posts:
hippoherostandinghere · 20/05/2019 19:08

Well then you can just reason with yourself that he hasn't got the friend request because he doesn't use it! I'm in the life's too short camp.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 20/05/2019 19:29

No just NO.
You don’t even know he is single and yet you are stalking him online
Again NO
If it was a bloke doing this then people would be calling him creepy.

Original poster
askingforamate · 20/05/2019 19:47

@Dontsweatthelittlestuff I mean it was a casual look. I suppose most people look people up on Facebook days. It's hardly stalking or creepy.

OP posts:
OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 20/05/2019 20:08

NO!!!!! HE CAN'T DO THIS!!!

FFS, stop encouraging her. What sort of jobs do you all have where it's OK to show such an astounding lack of professionalism? To send a FB friend request puts him in an awkward position (we've been strongly advised not to do this and certainly not in the circumstances the OP would be in) and it would be professional suicide for him to accept or go anywhere NEAR the OP in a romantic capacity.

What harm can it do? Well, it's not overstating it to say that in some schools, he would lose his job.

Original poster
askingforamate · 20/05/2019 20:24

Thanks @OhDearGodLookAtThisMess I'm really not going to do anything anyway.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 20/05/2019 22:33

Male primary school teachers are in the minority and he would likely have had the opportunity to date a few single female colleagues.

IME they're aren't an awful lot of good looking, young fit, professional single males who work in a female dominated environment by choice.

SachaStark · 20/05/2019 22:36

Oh my gosh, people are giving such awful advice here.

Where I work, if a parent sent me a friend request, I would be required to delete it and report it to SLT. It’s really, really not appropriate.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 20/05/2019 23:00

Exactly, Sacha.
There's a worrying number of people on here who simply have no idea.

MyOtherProfile · 20/05/2019 23:11

Not sure who suggested sending a Facebook friend request but please don't. Where I work we are not allowed to be Facebook friends with families we teach.

Original poster
askingforamate · 21/05/2019 03:41

Thanks teachers, glad I got some advice before I did anything.

It's been a wake up call and actually made me realise it isn't even worth a crush! I'm not even 'looking' he just caught my eye. But I didn't realise it was such an issue. I definitely won't be pursuing anything! I won't even be making an effort to smile at him now, I'm not going to be rude but sounds like it's a massive no so I don't even want him to think I fancy him because what's he point. It will just make it weird.

OP posts:
habibihabibi · 21/05/2019 04:43

Where I am teachers contracts are immediately terminated for inappropriate relationships. Top of the list, dating parents.

hellodarkness · 21/05/2019 05:50

I'm not aware of anything specifically forbidding parent-teacher relationships at my school, but I have known several male teachers on the receiving end of unwanted parent attention over the years. One of them was in a relationship but the other two were single.

All of them were mortified and insisted that they'd only ever been friendly, often laughing about it in the staffroom.

If it worked out op it would be fine, but I have no idea how you'd even get to that stage without potential embarrassment and gossip. As pp have said, he'd have to make the first move. But he won't, because that's unprofessional.

ChillaxingInMyKimono · 21/05/2019 06:36

Well done for posting and sense checking.

I think for some people on here, it's all just a game / pastime, and they give advice on that basis. Not based on what's best for the OP or situation.

I'm glad the thread reverted back to the sort of responses early on, because that's definitely for the best.

I think take MrsTerryPratchett's input and run with it - this is maybe you warming up for some sort of romantic involvement with a man again. Just not this man. Smile

cookiechomper · 21/05/2019 07:56

No you can't ask him it. It would be highly inappropriate and unprofessional if it were to come from him. You don't really know anything about him either if it's just a few smiles each day.

Original poster
askingforamate · 21/05/2019 08:25

I've had an absolute reality check. I just got carried away with the fantasy of it all. Only in my head though, I've not actually done anything. At worst I've been a bit naive but after some of the advice on here, I stand corrected. He's professional and I totally respect that. That's also one of his attractive qualities. But today I've woken up with a new head and something has just clicked. Maybe on some level I am ready to move on, but it won't be with him. I'm sure he's not the only decent man out there.

OP posts:
edgeofheaven · 21/05/2019 08:30

My friend's parents went through a very rough divorce when we were about 11. Her mum's first new boyfriend was our PE teacher Confused It was quite awkward. They dated for maybe a year and it didn't work out. We'd moved to secondary at that point but she had younger siblings who he was still teaching, not sure what it was like for them!

HEW0124 · 21/05/2019 08:33

My sister in law had a crush on one of the teaching assistants at her girls school for years. She had a couple of relationships that didn't work out and still fancied him. Luckily her brother my husband knew him and we all happened to bump into each other at a music festival. Now they are happily living together blended families and all! If it won't affect your children negstively go for it!

ChillaxingInMyKimono · 21/05/2019 08:41

If it won't affect your children negstively go for it!

You can't know if it will affect the children involved until you've disregarded them, and gone into the arrangement. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
askingforamate · 21/05/2019 09:09

Well if I meet him in years to come when my DC had left school - who knows. But that's ages away and who knows what will happen in the meantime.

OP posts:
crochetmonkey69 · 21/05/2019 09:23

I'm a teacher Op (female) and so is my DP (male)
I'm torn on this- I think if you both liked each other and you got to know each other through school events etc it could work out well, and your DC won't be in primary forever. But please don't facebook him. We are required to have top privacy and also to not accept parents as friends on social media etc.It would need to develop as naturally as possible as any 'out of the ordinary' activity would put a teacher off.
My DP has had this twice- and it is really hard to handle- both times the Mums of students tried to sound him out on personal things but at professional events (think Parents eve) which meant he was unable to casually bring up his private life or his partner, as he was in the middle of a professional meeting- they followed up with social media requests and email asking him out for a drink- which he had to ignore and report- he found it really embarrassing- especially when he had to see them again at the next one!

Original poster
askingforamate · 21/05/2019 09:30

Thanks for it reply @crochetmonkey69 . I'm appreciate your view. I would never have messaged him on FB. I'm not even on it myself and I know it's not right. I appreciate as he is a teacher he would be really restricted on what he can and can't do. He's nice looking, had a good job, seems like he had nice values. So I'm sure I'm not the only mum to find him attractive over the years.

OP posts:
Original poster
askingforamate · 21/05/2019 09:31

*has a good job

OP posts: