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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To be annoyed by anti-Alabama posts?

999 replies

Bere111 · 19/05/2019 10:41

For context, I’m not prolife or pro choice...i wouldn’t have an abortion myself but I know that largely because I’ve never been in those desperate circumstances, so equally would never judge someone who had.
But all the anti-Alabama posts I’ve seen this week by women in the UK I find pretty ill informed.
For example, most not knowing it is still banned in Northern Ireland- part of the UK.
Also, people saying it’s ‘healthcare’ - I don’t believe this is true. I think it should be a crisis service, and making it sound routine trivialises it for me.
People saying it’s a women choice...again I don’t really think this is right. It’s a women choice to get pregnant or not get pregnant of course, but unless that girl or women fell pregnant through no choice of their own (in which can of course she should have access to abortion) I’m not sure once she’s actually pregnant she should then just be free to opt in or opt out.
I fell pregnant by accident with ds1, I was very newly married, had a well paid job and owned a house but was younger then I’d planned to be (27)- yet I had 3 people ask ‘god, what are you going to do???’ Which I found bizarre.
Most people’s opinion of abortion (including mine!) is formed on the fact that for those that are victims of rape or incest, or the health of the mother or baby is in question, or for example the mother is under 18 or even under 21, the time they need to have a safe solution to deal with an unplanned pregnancy.
However, I know that only about 3% of abortion happen for the reason above. The rest the nhs classify as lifestyle factors.
I’m sure many women may be masking issues by telling the motivating reason for the termination is just a lifestyle factor, but even so I still think many, many abortion take place because of poor planning and poor timing.
I’ve had 2 close friends have terminations in our late 20s, both of which went on to have children with the same partner a few years later. Although I supported their choice, I didn’t really understand it. They were both preoccupied with the idea that the timing wasn’t right- even though they wanted children and wanted children with the current partners.
I think we put far to much pressure of ourselves that we have to do things in the right order- so then when a pregnancy comes along that wasn’t on the timeline, we freak out- even if we are perfectly capable of parenting at that time.
I also think something most be going wrong with how we are approaching contraception, especially as the fastest growing segment of women needing abortion are 30+ and have ahead previous abortions. Can women not access contraception easily or could giving more education around ovulation cycles help this (this is pretty common place in countries like Germany from secondary school age, and women generally avoid sex when they’re ovulating- even when using another form of contraception)
I guess all in all I think it’s a really complex matter- and I don’t think we have it totally right in this country, and I find it a trivialisation to see my friends sharing handmaid tale’s pictures with ‘my body my choice’ tag lines...surely when a matter really is life or death, we shouldn’t simplify it as a women’s prerogative?
Or AIBU?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
ChardonnaysPrettySister · 19/05/2019 11:37

Banning abortions is not going to stop women having them, but it will make them unsafe.

Fr0thandBubble · 19/05/2019 11:39

YABU. It’s such a fraught subject but I really think that in England we have the law on abortion about right. What they are doing in Alabama is quite scary - 25 privileged white men deciding what women can and can’t do with their bodies.

DoxxedFox · 19/05/2019 11:40

Reading your post, I would say that you’re anti-abortion OP... HTH.

mumwon · 19/05/2019 11:40

nb just been on web news about death penalty in Alabama - apparently a person a day is put to death there (my dh suggests we should say that this is Sharia Law - not sure of that! - especially the 99 year imprisonment that is maximum punishment!- & see if people vote against it!)

INeedAFlerken · 19/05/2019 11:41

I agree with others: you live in a privileged bubble and are massively, massively unreasonable.

Look away if you don't feel women should have control over their own bodies, and certainly don't stand in their way of standing up for themselves.

FTR, my sister was always anti abortion, 'could never do that', etc etc, and then she got pregnant. And quickly realised her BF was an abusive, controlling arsehole (we'd seen it; she wasn't ready to see it until the control ramped up after the pregnancy). Thankfully, she lived in a location where abortions were accessible ... so she wasn't tied to him for the rest of her life.

Every woman should have the right to make this decision for herself. Every. One.

If men don't like abortions, they have the ability to help prevent most pregnancies from occurring in the first place via their own actions and choices.

crazyasafox · 19/05/2019 11:42

@klendraa

NO I want the thread deleted because the OP's comments are repugnant, vile, and hideous. Not because I 'don't agree' with the OP!

I have the right to say this, just as YOU have the right to support the OP.

You are in a VERY small minority though

I doubt this thread will last much longer.

Pieceofpurplesky · 19/05/2019 11:42

Just like the men in Alabama you don't speak for me.

crazyasafox · 19/05/2019 11:43

Sadly, yes women CAN be misogynistic too. They are raised and conditioned that way, like the OP, and @klendraa .. Should pity them really

Blackforestgateau212 · 19/05/2019 11:43

Alabama and similar is all about controlling women and girls - and ensuring a regular supply of healthy infants for adoption by richer families. It is not about “saving lives” as they claim.

Alabama conservatives want to limit access to sex education for young people. They want to limit access to contraception. They stigmatise single mothers and restrict their access to the healthcare and financial support which would allow women to raise their own children. If they were genuinely concerned about “saving lives” they would offer all of the above help.

They dress their objections up in religious language.But it is actually a baby farming business which funds the religious organisations behind it.

They are liars and hypocrites. Like the churches in Ireland.

Mabelface · 19/05/2019 11:43

If I got pregnant now, I'd terminate as it would be detrimental to my physical and mental health. I'm 49 and still fertile. It's my uterus, and I make all the choices for my body, not privileged white men who hate women.

DecomposingComposers · 19/05/2019 11:44

I am beyond fucking amazed that any woman could be so bloody unsupportive to other women.

Are women supportive towards women who choose not to have an abortion though? My experience tells me that no, they aren't.

Why aren't we fighting as hard to legalise euthanasia? Why isn't that also a case of "my body,my choice"? Why do we fight for choice at the start of life but not the end?

Piggywaspushed · 19/05/2019 11:44

Some posters seem not to understand that s society which bans and criminalises termination is also anti-contraception.

Mabelface · 19/05/2019 11:44

Also, religion should have NO place in politics.

OldUnit · 19/05/2019 11:44

Really? That's nice, Dear.

Have my first Biscuit.
Try not to choke on it.

mumwon · 19/05/2019 11:45

until a Vatican Council in the late 1960's a fetus was not considered to have a soul until after aprox the 20th week - (have pages of references if needed)

Theghosttrain · 19/05/2019 11:46

First off OP of course you ARE being judgmental. Choosing to express your views here rather than to your friends doesn't make your views any less judgmental, just anonymous (and probably cowardly). I've looked after what must run into thousands of women having terminations and I will defend their right to make choices about their own bodies until the end of my days. What's happening in America is a massive rowing back of women's rights, the control of women's bodies by men yet again.

Every woman must have the right to decide whether or not to continue with a pregnancy. And that should be without judgement, harassment or pressure.

TolstoyAteMyHamster · 19/05/2019 11:46

The only part of your OP I agree with is your reference to NI. That is indeed a disgrace, and we should all be ashamed of that. Many reasons not to vote Tory but their support for the DUP and this loathsome policy by extension is right up there.

Bluestitch · 19/05/2019 11:47

And I'm not minimising rape, but forcing women to continue a pregnancy against their will is easily every bit as terrible.

I've been raped and I completely agree with this. Being forced to continue a pregnancy to term and go through childbirth against your will is just about one of the worst violations of a body that I can imagine. If I got pregnant tomorrow I would abort without question. If I was denied that right I'd be suicidal. My existing children deserve a healthy alive mother.

joyfullittlehippo · 19/05/2019 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ffsnosexallowed · 19/05/2019 11:48

For some women an abortion will be a crisis decision, for others it's routine healthcare. (Though I'm uncomfortable with the term "routine"). Abortion should be a woman's choice, no judgement.

darkriver19886 · 19/05/2019 11:48

YABU I lost two children to adoption a year ago, if I fell pregnant again in the next few years I would have an abortion rather then go through the agonising pain of losing a child I loved. I thank my lucky stars that I don't live in a country that would deny me that right.

This is a bunch of white men controlling women. End off.

MissB83 · 19/05/2019 11:49

10 years ago- I wouldn’t have had these opinions.
I thought getting pregnant was incredibly easy and of course you’d need abortion as a last resort/ safety.
10 years, 3 children, 2 miscarriages and seri g several friends needing ivf and other fertility treatment, and often never getting pregnant at all, I just don’t see pregnant as an ‘ooops’ any more.

Okedoke. So everyone's experience is the same as yours is it?

I got pregnant accidentally twice. Once at 22. I had an IUD and still got pregnant. Once at 33. I had unprotected sex ONCE and got pregnant.

You don't speak for everyone.

wildbhoysmama · 19/05/2019 11:50

What's YOUR fertility history got to do with anything? Some women get pregnant very easily - I was 2 weeks, 1 week and 4 weeks respectively with my DC. I joke that my sister and I literally have to look at a man and we're pregnant. My other sister had years of trying, heartbreak, 4 miscarriages before her precious DD.

There are countless stories of women getting pregnant after having intercourse once (many of these young women with no support- I see it all the time in my line of work) so your statement that it's not an 'oops' moment is completely false in many cases. And these young girls will be pregnant by the bucketload in Alabama of their access to decent contraception and information continues to be limited.

You are, quite simply, ignorant, immature and base in your thinking. YABVVVVU

Eustasiavye · 19/05/2019 11:50

How on earth do you know if a woman has been raped?
I've been raped and did not report it to the police, so that blows your statistics straight out of the water.
I'm also aware of children who have been conceived as a result of incest.
There was a child at my ds's school who's father was also his grandfather.
I have a friend who works with a child and is 100% convinced that the child's father is also his grandfather.
No prosecutions brought. In these circumstances the rapist will have groomed his victim to go along with the pregnancy and concoct a lie that the father is someone else.
Why are men, who are fertile 100% of the time, not made responsible for birth control and supporting the children they bring into the world.
Why should females be made responsible all the time.
What about when a man leaves a pregnant woman?
Women do have sex for pleasure you know, not just to reproduce.

slashlover · 19/05/2019 11:50

Don't want the risk of a baby? Don't have fucking sex. The risk of having sex no matter what contraception you use is that you might get pregnant.

So a couple have two kids and don't want more should just have a sexless marriage? Anyone who doesn't want kids should just be a virgin forever?