Accent, class and feeling like a fish out of water

[fishoutofwine]

Have name changed as moan about this a irl and think combined with my other posts would put me.

However, in the last year have moved to a very “of money” up market area (sort of imagine Hampstead garden suburb but not).

I have found that thanks so my strong accent and penchant for wearing ordinary clothes seems to be setting me ok a back foot.

I know some of this may be my own insecurities however habe had issues such as - neighbour in gazillion pound house assuming that when I said no to her builders using my garden for a loo talking slowly and patiently to me like I’m an idiot, when walking my dog around the local area other dog walkers asking if I’ve come far (quite enjoy pointing and saying “no I live there” and just low lever snobbery.

While fully aware that this is to some degree a nice problem to have, it does make me feel like crap (and like moving back to my perfectly nice area I was before).

I guess it’s more wwyd and how can I deal with it.

[Fiveredbricks]

@fishoutofwine ironically OP I am Liverpudlian and had to adopt RP growing up as learned from an early age that a scouse accent holds you back quote a bit (unless you're a recent award winning actress 😁).

I'm from the 'posh bit' (yes we have some!) though so it never stood out too much. Most scousers think I'm from down south now when I still live here 😳

[featherflight]

OP did i read that correctly? You suggested using snapchat at a residents meeting? Interesting. That’s probably not going to blend too well with that crowd.
It sounds to me like you are not particularly trying or wanting to fit in. And that’s completely and utterly fine. But maybe don’t expect others to want it either.

[featherflight]

I was wondering about your grammar, spelling, syntax too.

[Landfilly]

I'd do nothing differently

Just continue to be pleasant and yourself

Can I ask how old you are OP? I found I stopped giving a shit about what other people thought (as long as I behaved well!) when I hit 50.

[Xenia]

Some of our members don't have computers so snapchat would not be a good idea in our case and also it is harder if you use it to print out a record for legal purposes to have available to prove who did what (in case legal proceedings follow although not impossible - you can take pictures of the chat and email to yourself and then print or store the picture of the chat but it is certainly worse in many ways as more time consuming in order to keep records).. We keep using post and hand deliveries to be as inclusive as possible.

[donajimena]

My mumsnet posts are full of grammatical errors and lower case letters where they should be upper. I'm not writing my dissertation on here! I see them but cba changing them.

[longwayoff]

OP you need to toughen up. I sound like Joanna Lumley (don't worry, am saved by looking like Shreks older sister) and it can drive some people up the wall. I'm assumed by some to be pretentious, a snob, thinking I'm better than they are etc., when all I've done is speak. I just let it flow over me. At the end of an interaction they either like me or they don't, what does it matter 99 per cent of the time? Enjoy your new place and don't be intimidated.

[Grumpymug]

I get what you mean OP and think it's wierd that people are judged on their accent above all else. I moved North as a child and 'faked' a northern accent at school, which kind of became natural as I grew up here, but still spoke with a London accent around my family. I now have a sort of wierd hybrid accent, that doesn't really belong anywhere. I don't think about it anymore, I just speak. I do however enjoy watching people's expressions where I work, in a naice hotel where the clientele is very different to the locals. Some treat me differently, and I've even been asked if I'm the owner or manager picking up the slack on a few occasions - simply because I don't sound how they expect someone to sound from this area in a 'service' job. Colleagues have picked up on this and I'm called 'posh' in a gently taking the piss way, and sometimes sent to deal with those customers who are nasty and personal towards other staff (higher than me) because they've noticed I somehow 'command' more respect as soon as I open my mouth. I'd like to think it's my demeanour or something else, but the reality is I think it's largely that my accent marks me (in their eyes) as more like them.
I hate it, but it is a bit useful at times. I don't tend to think about it any more tbh unless it's pointed out. I think it's ridiculous that someone can't be treated with respect just because of where they come from or what they sound like.
I'd just ignore if I were you, get on with it and just be who you are, you don't have anything to prove to anyone. Just wish I'd realised that as a kid and never faked anything, and just been myself. I am now and it's so much easier.

[ethelfleda]

Count yourself lucky you don’t have a midlands accent like me, OP. When I visit friends in Windsor I feel like a beating donkey.

[ethelfleda]

Braying that should say.

[user87382294757]

I've been asked to arrange our house meeting and know some people don;t even use email so will need to write letters / notes to a couple of our elderly residents...suggest maybe don't go in trying to change stuff too soon when they already do things a certain way, perhaps?

[fishoutofwine]

@feathers no - a resident suggested snapchat (as a young relative had mentioned it) I was trying to explain why it doesn’t exactly meet the demographics of the area as a channel.

[fishoutofwine]

@landfilly - 10 years to go then

[fishoutofwine]

Also - as I’ve stated before, my grammar and syntax are fine - I’m lazy when typing on mumsnet - as for my spelling it’s fine too - though not sure how this would be picked up in conversation unless an impromptu spelling bee were to occur?

[Aquilla]

Do you have a staffie or a labrador, op?

[Moralitym1n1]

If it makes you feel any better a client's wife (who forgot to tell her I was coming) thought I was a gypsy 'casing the joint' at their house, when doing an inspection for an architectural drawing; because I'm Northern Irish, with what would be considered a very mild, northern irish grammar school accent.

Myself and some other NI staff members in the company also had rp-accented co workers talk about gypsy s/travellers and then say 'no offense' while nodding on our direction.

I didn't even bother to take him aside and say "you do realise there are a few million people living the NI and the Republic of Ireland who are not actually gypsys, right?

[Moralitym1n1]

Many RP accented (or near it) English folks seem to be under the impression that anyone with a regional accent is a peasant.

[Moralitym1n1]

That's really shitty that they were so dismissive of your potential help using your experience.

Ignore goady mcgoadsome with the "so you barged in and tried to take over". Some ppl come on aibu to make comments like that; they must get something out of it. Some ppl get satisfaction bout of the strangest things.

[fishoutofwine]

@aquila - interestingly one of the locals has a cross of both (with something mastiff-ish thrown in for good measure). Wonder how he gets on?

[fishoutofwine]

@Moralitym1n1 thank you. Aibu is so interesting - everything from “you don’t stick up for yourself” to “you barged in and took over” with everything else in between. Though anyone who suggested that I should have been ok with the portaloos is obviously having a laugh!

[scarbados]

In all honesty, if I were you I'd adopt a more neutral accent.

In all honesty, if anyone suggested this to me I'd tell them to go fuck themselves.

[EggAndButter]

I get it OP. Ive had the same thing because my accent isnt british.

I also get that looking at it as a social study is tiring after a while. But I would advice the same than some PP. Dont change. Whatever you do, dont bother to cahnge because it will never be 'enough' and in their heds they have already put you into a box.
The best thing is managing to find the nice people in that lot and the ones open enough to reaise who you are underneath 'the accent'.

[flowergrrl77]

When I have builders and workmen in, I just, ya know, let them use a plumbed in toilet in the house! So much less hassle and nicer for the workmen...

I always feel that happy workmen tend to take extra care to make sure the job is done right, I always supply tea if I am home and make sure I have lots of mini biscuit packets in so that they are cared for.

People who won’t let builders use their loos often have a bad rep amongst tradesmen from what I can tell! (Unverified)

Certainly the workers I tend to hire here thank me for my hospitality and have been known to tell me about how they’ve been treated elsewhere! (Without telling me where and who of course)

GL! Tbh, stay just to spite em, enjoy your home!

[Jellicoe]

OP. I live (own!) in a £1.5m Georgian farm house (stealth enough?) and I wear clothes with holes and I dont give a rat arse to who thinks what of my obvious foreign accent. Life is too short OP. Enjoy it before the tides change.

[Mammajay]

Oh I see you seems to have stuck with Bernstein's theory of language, which was discredited by Labov. Or perhaps she is being ironic.