Accent, class and feeling like a fish out of water

[fishoutofwine]

Have name changed as moan about this a irl and think combined with my other posts would put me.

However, in the last year have moved to a very “of money” up market area (sort of imagine Hampstead garden suburb but not).

I have found that thanks so my strong accent and penchant for wearing ordinary clothes seems to be setting me ok a back foot.

I know some of this may be my own insecurities however habe had issues such as - neighbour in gazillion pound house assuming that when I said no to her builders using my garden for a loo talking slowly and patiently to me like I’m an idiot, when walking my dog around the local area other dog walkers asking if I’ve come far (quite enjoy pointing and saying “no I live there” and just low lever snobbery.

While fully aware that this is to some degree a nice problem to have, it does make me feel like crap (and like moving back to my perfectly nice area I was before).

I guess it’s more wwyd and how can I deal with it.

[jwpetal]

Wear you life with pried and don't worry about what they think. You know how you got to where you are. So they think you were the nanny, imagine their embarrassment. You have not done anything wrong.

My father was an electrician and did very well for himself living in an exclusive area. He loved it when the neighbours discovered that he was not the owner of his company (drove a company truck), he was just amazing with money. At 65 he became president of the company and our neighbours respected him not for his position, but for being an honest, hard working and caring neighbour.

[StarJumpsandaHalf]

The feeling of being a fish out of water is really very likely to be to do with the residents' association and their clique and not liking a newcomer having fresh ideas. They probably feel a bit threatened and out of their comfort zone, no? It sounds like one of those situations where ten years later you're still the newbie with jumped up ideas.

Well that's the feeling I get from the picture painted.

[Lovely13]

If you are near Hampstead garden suburb, do not worry at all. Very multi cultural there. Maybe you mistook weird suburban cliquey sometimes ethnic. Who the fxxx knows?? for normal behaviour. You just get used to it. And lots of care homes we can shuffle of to. Yay!

[Damsel]

The best advice comes from Deepak Chopra: “other people’s opinions are none of your business.”

It’s interesting OP that you acknowledge your own insecurities. They’re nothing I imagine to those of the neighbours you’ve met that have been less than welcoming!

Enjoy your new home.

[fishoutofwine]

@chunn65 - the thing is - I reckon you can’t win with something like that. If you tried to adopt a northern accent that wasn’t natural, you would also get odd comments. Am thinking now about people like Guy Ritchie who get the piss taken out of them for their “mockney” twang.

[fishoutofwine]

The changing accent to be understood - not sure how many times I need to point out that I come from this area- there’s no difficulty in comprehension here... I have an accent that is local to the area, but not people living in this particular part of it. I went to school less than half a mile away and grew up around 5 miles away.

[chunn65]

I had the same when we moved North. (west London originally), even the lady on the market stall said "Oh i can tell you're a foreigner" bloody cheek! I smile and say nothing, Don't change for anyone😊

[Jellicoe]

@bluebrushing - I agree. I neutralised my accent (I am not from the UK) as to me it was .ore important for people to understand me and blend in and as a result make friends. I dont take it as not being true to myself.

[Icepinkeskimo]

Don't you dare change OP, I live in a 'desirable' road I had to wait 8 years before a house even came up on the market. The reason I wanted to live here is the beautiful open areas and the peace and quiet.

The neighbours nearly had a fit of the vapours when they realised I was 'common' property prices in the area probably plummeted overnight.

I am proud of my accent, my dirt poor background, and being successful at what I do. I love where I live, and a couple of the neighbours do speak to me, some even come to me for advice on work related matters. The rest just stare and probably have a gossip, I don't care now.

I would love to, just love to buy an ice cream van and park it on the drive, one with a couple of flat tyres and peeling paint. Or failing that buy a massive ghetto blaster and play it while I'm doing the front garden...(yes I could get a gardener, but I love gardening).

But seriously in the words of the great Bim Sherman 'always be true to yourself'

[letsgohooray]

Honestly, they sound very aspirational rather than genuinely loaded. I live in one of the countries richest boroughs and the only people who behave like that are the ones who have a bit of money but not loads. They truly loaded don't give a damn.

[fishoutofwine]

Glad to see so many people who are proud of their regional accents! It’s an interesting one as I get the feeling that a regional accent would potentially not raise an eyebrow whereas the “local” one does.

I’ve taken on board all the comments and reflected a bit more, and my general thoughts now are that it must partially be my own insecurities, which I hadn’t ever really been aware of before, and maybe have been unlucky in meeting a few of the less friendly residents too.

On a positive note just had a lovely chat with a delightful lady across the road on puppy training her Labrador, so they’re not all grouches!

[Aveeno2017]

Scarbados I love my yorkshire accent! 👍

[scarbados]

@Aveeno2017

No-one tells this Yorkshirewoman to modify her accent!

[pollymere]

My Mum went to a very fancy school. She was taught that true class is to treat your cleaner and a duchess the same. It's extremely low class and bad manners to treat people like ' The help' and make them feel inferior. Don't develop a chip on your shoulder. Be the better person by greeting questions with a smile and a laugh. Truly classy people wear clothes from Primark rather than displaying designer labels. Why would you if you're walking the dog? Class also is not about having a certain accent either. If your neighbours bother about these things then perhaps they're the ones who lack class.

[Catastrophejane]

I can identify with this- I also have a ‘regional’ accent. Never changed it, despite being told by one colleague I’d done really well in my career ‘despite my accent’.
What can you do? People are idiots. I wouldn’t worry. You’re obviously doing something right!

[Aveeno2017]

Scarbados I take it your from yorkshire? I would tell them to Fuck off too!

[Mammajay]

Oh I see you seems to have stuck with Bernstein's theory of language, which was discredited by Labov. Or perhaps she is being ironic.

[Jellicoe]

OP. I live (own!) in a £1.5m Georgian farm house (stealth enough?) and I wear clothes with holes and I dont give a rat arse to who thinks what of my obvious foreign accent. Life is too short OP. Enjoy it before the tides change.

[flowergrrl77]

When I have builders and workmen in, I just, ya know, let them use a plumbed in toilet in the house! So much less hassle and nicer for the workmen...

I always feel that happy workmen tend to take extra care to make sure the job is done right, I always supply tea if I am home and make sure I have lots of mini biscuit packets in so that they are cared for.

People who won’t let builders use their loos often have a bad rep amongst tradesmen from what I can tell! (Unverified)

Certainly the workers I tend to hire here thank me for my hospitality and have been known to tell me about how they’ve been treated elsewhere! (Without telling me where and who of course)

GL! Tbh, stay just to spite em, enjoy your home!

[EggAndButter]

I get it OP. Ive had the same thing because my accent isnt british.

I also get that looking at it as a social study is tiring after a while. But I would advice the same than some PP. Dont change. Whatever you do, dont bother to cahnge because it will never be 'enough' and in their heds they have already put you into a box.
The best thing is managing to find the nice people in that lot and the ones open enough to reaise who you are underneath 'the accent'.

[scarbados]

In all honesty, if I were you I'd adopt a more neutral accent.

In all honesty, if anyone suggested this to me I'd tell them to go fuck themselves.

[fishoutofwine]

@Moralitym1n1 thank you. Aibu is so interesting - everything from “you don’t stick up for yourself” to “you barged in and took over” with everything else in between. Though anyone who suggested that I should have been ok with the portaloos is obviously having a laugh!

[fishoutofwine]

@aquila - interestingly one of the locals has a cross of both (with something mastiff-ish thrown in for good measure). Wonder how he gets on?

[Moralitym1n1]

That's really shitty that they were so dismissive of your potential help using your experience.

Ignore goady mcgoadsome with the "so you barged in and tried to take over". Some ppl come on aibu to make comments like that; they must get something out of it. Some ppl get satisfaction bout of the strangest things.

[Moralitym1n1]

Many RP accented (or near it) English folks seem to be under the impression that anyone with a regional accent is a peasant.