Accent, class and feeling like a fish out of water

[fishoutofwine]

Have name changed as moan about this a irl and think combined with my other posts would put me.

However, in the last year have moved to a very “of money” up market area (sort of imagine Hampstead garden suburb but not).

I have found that thanks so my strong accent and penchant for wearing ordinary clothes seems to be setting me ok a back foot.

I know some of this may be my own insecurities however habe had issues such as - neighbour in gazillion pound house assuming that when I said no to her builders using my garden for a loo talking slowly and patiently to me like I’m an idiot, when walking my dog around the local area other dog walkers asking if I’ve come far (quite enjoy pointing and saying “no I live there” and just low lever snobbery.

While fully aware that this is to some degree a nice problem to have, it does make me feel like crap (and like moving back to my perfectly nice area I was before).

I guess it’s more wwyd and how can I deal with it.

[Tillygetsit]

I had the opposite problem when I moved north. People assumed I was snobby and prudish. Then there was the incident with the ice cream man asking if I wanted a sucker...I think the best way to handle it is to laugh it off. Wink and say "Bet you thought I was the cleaner". I used to say fuck quite a lot which endeared me to my nrighbours as they thought I said it so nicely! Believe you're good enough and you will be x

[fishoutofwine]

@catren - thank you that’s wise advise,

[Arnoldthecat]

They all shit like the rest of us ,,,hahahaaaaaa

[Cyberworrier]

Do you think the association thing may have been not listening to a woman they don’t know (sexism) and also a personality/lack of manners thing on their part- if there were some dominating, loving the sound of own voice people there?
Don’t doubt yourself because they were not receptive/polite and because your neighbours are CFs.

[fishoutofwine]

And for those mentioning the opposite problem - have had that too! Come from a mixed London area so am either thought of as posh as anything or common as muck

[EL8888]

@Tillygetsit conversely l have had that as well. My mums ex-boyfriend thought l was frightfully posh 😂.

[EileenAlanna]

Think of yourself as an eccentric millionaire from an ancient family (and let's face it every family is equally as old as any other) and exude indifference mingled with a smidgen of pity for these nouveau riche upstarts. People like that would turn their noses up at more than a few titles ppl who dress almost like tramps at times. As for your accent, it's sanctioned by millennia of family usage unlike this new fangled "RP" nonsense. Historically, even the monarchy spoke in accents that would be considered common now but ours followed traditional roots. Purists, that's what we are.

[BlackcurrantJamontoast]

I run a very successful large agency and offered free help.

so barged in and tried to take over, thus implying what they did wasn't good enough?

[fishoutofwine]

@cyber - yes there’s a male thing there - but there were other women who, while maybe suffer the same were as dismissive.

The thing that got me was that they were ignorant as anything when it came to what we were discussing. From we should use snapchat ad my daughter said so (residents making a descksion on whether to I tal cctv are not using fuckinf snapchat), to well obviously burglary’s are on the increase due to brexit)

[fishoutofwine]

@BlackcurrantJamontoast erm no- they sent round a newsletter asking for help. I just said -
Oh this is my thing - happy to give some of my time

[Geraniumpink]

Well, I think this new area is a real education for you OP. Approach it like a anthropologist - with mild curiously and a detached attitude. But keep an eye out for anyone friendly - there will usually be a few.

[fishoutofwine]

And there’s nothing to muscle in on - it was a discussion that’s all.

[fishoutofwine]

@Geraniumpink maybe that’s a good idea! I feel that despite our lovely house and area that I won’t settle here - so maybe will look back at it as an experiment

[Clearoutre]

Totally agree! Give it time and be confident that you’re good enough just as you are.

The RA should be bloody grateful for your offer of expert help BUT may be they’re wary of outsiders having too much say until they know you & whether you fit in with their ‘values’ etc. Spend time getting to know them and decide if YOU want to help THEM.

[fishoutofwine]

It’s one of those things that when I moved, I knew it was a private estate that’s also a conservation area - but had no idea of the “culture@ of the area

[CherryPavlova]

Anywhere with a residents association is going to be full of a certain type ( not in a good way). Its so, so Margo Leadbetter.

[fishoutofwine]

@cherry - yes I agree but it’s a private estate, so someone has to manage the maintenance of the roads, lightning etc

[nettie434]

I think you will meet a few friendlier people eventually fishoutofwine (good name change!) EileenAlanna - that is a fantastic way to think about accents.

[fishoutofwine]

@nettie - aw thank you, you’re kind! As for accents - am now wondering if baby Archie will habe an American twang from his mum

[justasking111]

We know an aristo. elderly lady who would give your neighbourhood the vapours, she looks like a bag lady a lot of the time. She does not care what others think so you shouldn`t either.

[Geraniumpink]

There is a book by an anthropologist called Kate Fox ‘Watching the English’ that might help a bit. Slipping into an observer role with a David Attenborough internal monologue can make it a bit more fun.

[fishoutofwine]

@justasking - we have a fair share of those too - and now I think about it / the people I’m bothered about leave them alone

[fishoutofwine]

Genuine thank you to everyone who has commented - you’ve cheered me up!

[SundaeMorning]

"BlueBrushing

In all honesty, if I were you I'd adopt a more neutral accent."

Wow! Seriously??

[SundaeMorning]

"Geraniumpink

It depends how much you mind. You never know, when you have lived there long enough you might pick up the local accent anyway. Otherwise, I suppose there are elocution lessons.
I had the opposite problem as we live in a tiny terraced house in a down to earth area. I have a ‘posh’ accent and have been throughly judged as a snob. But I have lived here a long time now and been accepted."

Why dont you have "regional accent lessons"?
Can't believe people saying the OP should change their accent!!?