Accent, class and feeling like a fish out of water

[fishoutofwine]

Have name changed as moan about this a irl and think combined with my other posts would put me.

However, in the last year have moved to a very “of money” up market area (sort of imagine Hampstead garden suburb but not).

I have found that thanks so my strong accent and penchant for wearing ordinary clothes seems to be setting me ok a back foot.

I know some of this may be my own insecurities however habe had issues such as - neighbour in gazillion pound house assuming that when I said no to her builders using my garden for a loo talking slowly and patiently to me like I’m an idiot, when walking my dog around the local area other dog walkers asking if I’ve come far (quite enjoy pointing and saying “no I live there” and just low lever snobbery.

While fully aware that this is to some degree a nice problem to have, it does make me feel like crap (and like moving back to my perfectly nice area I was before).

I guess it’s more wwyd and how can I deal with it.

[81Byerley]

I can't stand snobbery. When I was with my ex, he asked if we could invite a couple round for dinner as it would be useful for his business to get to know them. The man was the new managing director for a prestigious company that he did business with. . The couple arrived. The wife was very sweet, but a bit downtrodden, and the man made several remarks during the evening , putting her down, as if her background was not up to the standard of the rest of us. The conversation got round to our Golden Retriever, and I asked if they had a dog. She started to reply, and he interrupted her and said "Oh yes, it was Sue's choice... it's not my type of dog, it's a council house sort of dog". I took great pleasure in lying through my teeth and saying "Oh how lovely! M and I were both brought up in council houses" It was worth the puzzled looks M was giving me to hear the snobbish idiot trying to back track. Actually M was brought up in a rented house with a bucket and chuck it toilet up the garden, and I was brought up in Army quarters, so it wasn't far from the truth.

[Xenia]

You are quite right not to agree to the portaloo. What a cheek! We ahve a residents association which I chaired for a decade and we were totally different from this - everyone is welcome; if anyone volunteered I bit their hand off with gratitude - accent, background, class, colour irrelevant - just whether they can do the particular task.

Also in many areas the poshest people surely don't wear much jewellery and wear very scruffy old clothes - you should see me in my garden.

I wouldn't worry about what othe rpeople think. What I want most from my neighbours (which I get) is no contact as I like total silence and peace, actually but obviously some people are the opposite and hopefully people of all types can find those that match with them on private estates and otherwise. I also would like every dog driven out of England (hate them and I personally by the way empty one dog waste/bin on my road and collect the stuff of my verge) yet even I dog hater extraordinaire manage to say good morning and smile at the hated mutts to such an extent they probably take me to be a dog lover.

[RosaWaiting]

it sounds great!

it will be fine. My friends are mostly the type to wear co-ordinated outfits. I don't even really have a concept of an outfit.

and toilet woman is just the random CF you could find anywhere.

[fishoutofwine]

Scruffy old clothes yes, but it’s still a certain look that I can’t quite achieve (and don’t really habe a desire to).

[fishoutofwine]

Maybe I should post on S&B - “how do I achieve the rich, scruffy look”

[RottnestFerry]

You are quite right not to agree to the portaloo

Oh, I don't know. They could help her fit in.

I know someone reasonably high up the social ladder who has portaloos in their garden. The house is used as a wedding venue though.

[SolitudeAtAltitude]

Well done for saying no to portaloos!!!

Neighbour sounds a CF

[fishoutofwine]

Portaloos in gardens are pretty common around here as there’s always renovations going on - however, more usual to put them in your own garden surely?

[BogglesGoggles]

Could you please just take some elocution lessons or something. I know that people in Britain think it’s ok to speak in a really thick accent (provided it’s a British one) as a form of class pride but it’s actually really inconsiderate. I’m forgein and constantly find myself in awkward situations where I have to keep asking people to repeat themselves/pretend I understand and hope I’m not making an idiot of myself. No one is asking for RP but just for you to makes little bit of effort to be understood. It’s not hard. Forgeiners often learn a whole new language and still make an effort to adopt an understandable accent. I don’t know why British people don’t do the same.

[BogglesGoggles]

@hollowvictory forgeingers are usually quite concientious about reducing their accent as much as possible. Your assumption is quite xenophobic really.

[SaskiaRembrandt]

Everyone ignore the GF who trying to stir up some casual (or not so casual) racism.

I've seen the same argument made on other forums with that intent.

[Blueeyesdarkhair]

I’m bemused about the portaloos- why did the posh neighbour think they should be in your garden rather than hers???
Honestly though I’d carry on as you are and continue to be friendly. Give it some time.

[stucknoue]

I think partly you are being over sensitive but also partly some places are just not for us, it happened to me, moved to a village and unbeknownst to us it was split from a social point of view, you were either "lived for generations in the council housing/farm cottages" or "rich incomers" we were neither so I was pretty much shunned though I was friendly with some of the nannies - we moved for work after a short period thankfully.

You need a certain level of confidence to move into a private estate like that, you need to believe you belong, same goes for social circles - I tend to cope fine now but h struggles and it's one of the reasons for us splitting now, he's just not able to socialise

[fishoutofwine]

@boggles - nice try

[PorterBella]

Then there was the incident with the ice cream man asking if I wanted a sucker

[dottiedodah]

If you are living in an up market area,then you are just as good as your neighbours IMO.Many people will try the one upmanship game wherever you are .You have worked hard and have done well for yourself, so try to ignore any snide comments .As for neighbours expecting their builders to use your garden for a loo what a cheek! .Hold your head high , and dont change your accent for anyone!

[fishoutofwine]

@stucknoue I think you may be right, it’s more that it just didn’t occur to me when we moved as I’ve lived in fairly affluent-ish roads all my life, just not on a private estate and have never felt like this before - ever.

[Aveeno2017]

bogglesgoggles this may be news to you but every country in the world has different regional dialects.

[Liverbird77]

Do not change it. I used to work in Knightsbridge and I have a Scouse accent. Not a problem.

[user87382294757]

I also live in an area with million pound old houses and a residents association- and do not have a posh accent, in fact a regional one and just wear jeans and the like...

It is really not an issue, think it might be in your own head? in fact it is the ones most wealthy are the scruffiest I find!

[pinkpolo]

Seriously, don't change anything about yourself.

DH and I are both "professionals", very good income, PhD/masters educated, own a home in a leafy zone...Volvo's/horses blah blah..

Both of us are as Scouse as they come. Do either of us care what anyone thinks? No. Has it prevented us from having a wonderful life of our own making? No.

Ignore them. Snobbery is for the miserable and insecure.

[NotACleverName]

There are at least 12 grammatical errors in these two sentences alone. It might sound snobby, but to people who have been educated how to speak/write well, reading your post is honestly like chalk being dragged up a blackboard. I would personally make an excuse and walk away from you within a few minutes if you speak anything like how you write, even before taking the liverpool accent into account (which is hardly the most pleasant accent, even at the best times).

Your best option at this stage is probably to take remedial grammar lessons, and possibly elocution lessons (and yes, I am aware that there is probably at least one grammatical error in my current post, and digging through to find it doesnt change the fact that the OP is far, far below average).

Your a cnut, @ohiseeyou.

[user87382294757]

Unpleasant (above) I agree.

if it helps any, my husband and his English accent git a much worse reception in the grim, town I grew up in than my accent has 'down south'...maybe you have abut of a chip on your shoulder?

[fishoutofwine]

The more I think about it- the more I think that potentially yes it’s a personal insecurity that I have never really been aware of.

[luckylavender]

@BlueBrushing - what a horrible thing to say. Nasty comment. The OP should retain her accent & be proud.