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Original poster

Restaurant wedding reception - not paying for drinks?

327 replies

CurriedCarbs · 17/05/2019 18:43

We've decided to go to a local restaurant after our wedding ceremony and essential have our "reception" there - i.e. a nice meal with the guests. Would we BU to only pay for their food and not their drinks? We haven't got a lot of money and we're not really sure we can afford food and drink for everyone. We don't want to say everyone has to completely pay for themselves or limit the guest list even more as we're only inviting close family. Would only paying for food be a reasonable compromise?

OP posts:
Parker231 · 21/05/2019 08:01

Some of the responses are horrible. The OP has explained more than once that the guest list is very small and the budget very tight. Are people not allowed to have a wedding celebration if they don’t have a drinks budget? There are some posters I wouldn’t want to celebrate with.

LolaSmiles · 21/05/2019 08:41

BadLad
3/4 of their guests were from their branches of the church and its the norm there to have dry weddings.
It would totally get some mumsnet side eyes though Smile

Are people not allowed to have a wedding celebration if they don’t have a drinks budget?
There's a difference between not having a big budget for drinks and providing nothing to people you've invited.
Another wedding we went to did afternoon tea. People had a glass of fizz on arrival bit then generally had tea and cake. The couple got a few bottles of fizz from Aldi or Lidl and they had the reception in the church hall. It was lovely.
There are ways to do things without offering no beverages.

SandAndSea · 21/05/2019 09:10

OP, I think it's fine not to provide alcohol. But, I would definitely let the guests know in advance, maybe on the invitation. I would also ensure that they have to buy them at the bar.

You could ask the restaurant to provide jugs of water for the table.

You could also include a glass of wine in a set menu.

If you decide to provide wine and pay corkage, B&M have some unusually delicious wines for £3.99. I think this would be nice for a toast.

derxa · 21/05/2019 09:11

Very odd responses OP

Original poster
CurriedCarbs · 21/05/2019 10:24

If you cannot afford it and are living beyond your means then just don’t do it.

You can’t afford this cheap wedding so why don’t you save up and do it when you can afford it and it will be more enjoyable rather then skrimping

Okay fair enough I'll tell the guests it's cancelled and just DP, DSD and I will get married at the registry office. Obviously we can't afford it and our family would rather not attend without alcohol so we'll just uninvite them.

OP posts:
SVRT19674 · 21/05/2019 10:26

The only wedding I've been in England was like this. We expected it so fine. Here in Spain it would be frowned upon. But luckily in this instance, you're not in Spain.

BillGiggeloe · 21/05/2019 10:49

These people are your close family and friends.

If I was your guest I would absolutely be happy to pay for my own drinks. They know your situation.

Enjoy your day OP and stop stressing Flowers

Abbazed · 21/05/2019 10:54

Op I hope you have a lovely day. You seem very stressed x I know how expensive weddings can be xhope things get easier. I've loads of wedding stuff. Even wedding dresses designer if you want one I've a gorgeous size 12 you are more than welcome to x it's a sweetheart neckline

Abbazed · 21/05/2019 10:56

Parker 231 I think it's just hospitality etiquette real friends and family wouldn't mind

Abbazed · 21/05/2019 10:57

It is white and unworn. I've also smaller dress sizes ie 8 if I can help I will

Abbazed · 21/05/2019 10:59

Ugh I don't expect champagne I expect a refreshment for guests even it's it's a big of ice water... Nm

MrPan · 21/05/2019 11:08

Am going to attend a friends wedding where it's registrar office then to a booked restaurant. For about 30 of us. Friend plans to have some wine on tables to begin and a bottle of fizz for toast. We all get our own after that.
Is this 'acceptable' in the MN Massive? Or should I be advising otherwise?

SandAndSea · 21/05/2019 12:05

OP, don't feel bad, you're not alone in dealing with these things. This is why so many people end up cutting their guest lists, going child-free etc. And you're right, it is the marriage that matters, not the do.

Another idea: ask the venue to provide jugs of orange juice and bucks fizz on the table for the toast.

barbiegrl · 21/05/2019 12:11

I understand that I'm in a different country,but I also just attended a wedding in another country and all drinks were provided. I can honestly say I've never been to a wedding where you have to pay for drinks yourself. In fact I have only heard of this kind of thing on Mumsnet!

hsegfiugseskufh · 21/05/2019 12:18

I can honestly say I've never been to a wedding where you have to pay for drinks yourself. In fact I have only heard of this kind of thing on Mumsnet!

I can honestly say ive never been to a wedding where you don't have to pay for your own drinks, usually there is wine on the table and a toast but that's it, then I've had to pay at the bar, which tbh is fine. At a small wedding like OPs I would be happy to buy my own drinks and actually thankful to be attending a small intimate wedding rather these massive events that weddings are now becoming.

LolaSmiles · 21/05/2019 16:09

MrPan
That sounds fairly standard to me. A glass of fizz plus wine for the meal and then cash bar for anything extra is the norm for most weddings I've been to. Or at the dry weddings, fruity fizz, nice cordial etc.

I think what most people are saying seems inhospitable is the idea of having no drinks at all for guests, not that they'd expect a fully funded alcohol session.

SandAndSea
Orange and bucks fizz would be lovely too. There are ways to offer guests a drink over a number of hours without braking the bank.

purpleboy · 21/05/2019 16:38

Op what is the meal costing per head and what are you getting?

Do you want to provide guests with a drink? Or are you more concerned with what other people will think if you don't?

I had a wedding planning business for 15 years so have catered for every wedding imaginable. There are ways and means but only IF you want to do it. If you don't then it's honestly no bother to most reasonable people.

theemmadilemma · 21/05/2019 16:54

I do think I'd try to stretch to one glass of something per person and let them know clearly that's all that is provided.

I wouldn't be offended myself personally at all with your current suggestion.

ELM8 · 21/05/2019 19:06

Why don't you get a bottle of nice cordial so you are at least offering something with the food. You can tart it up with soda water.

I think it's a bit extreme comparing cancelling a holiday with buying a drink for a few people?

cccameron · 21/05/2019 20:37

Okay fair enough I'll tell the guests it's cancelled and just DP, DSD and I will get married at the registry office. Obviously we can't afford it and our family would rather not attend without alcohol so we'll just uninvite them

Well would your family rather not attend? Have you actually discussed it with them? Probably better than discussing it with a load of strangers in the internet who know nothing about your financial situation. I don't see the point in asking then getting really snippy at the advice. Just talk to your family. My parents, brother, and pil would have no hesitation in helping me with my wedding drinks bill if we were struggling and I'd absolutely do the same for any of my family . They may want to help.And if they can't I'm sure they would rather attend your wedding and pay for the bar bill than not attend. Most people are just suggesting putting a few bottles on the table or a few aside for a toast, nothing to suggest hysterically cancelling holidays!

Merryoldgoat · 21/05/2019 22:06

Honestly OP - what’s the point if this thread?

You can afford what you can afford. That’s the bottom line.

It’s only worth asking a question like this if you have an ACTUAL choice; you don’t.

You have a small wedding and your costs are cut to the bone.

Is it preferable to provide fizz for toasts and wine on the table? Sure. So what? You can’t.

So celebrate, enjoy your wedding, have a happy marriage. No one who loves you will care that they’re paying for their drinks.

Original poster
CurriedCarbs · 22/05/2019 08:14

Most people are just suggesting putting a few bottles on the table or a few aside for a toast, nothing to suggest hysterically cancelling holidays!

Not everyone can afford a few bottles on the table or a few aside for a toast. It's pissed me off that people can be so stuck up their own arses that after me saying numerous times we can't afford it, people still keep saying "oh but it's only a few bottles". Only a few bottles to you is our entire annual break away budget.

OP posts:
Original poster
CurriedCarbs · 22/05/2019 08:17

I think it's a bit extreme comparing cancelling a holiday with buying a drink for a few people?

@ELM8 - not really considering a lot of people have suggested it's absolutely awful and rude to not provide a few bottles of wine. A few bottles of restaurant wine is our entire holiday budget for the year.

OP posts:
IceRebel · 22/05/2019 08:24

OP, what food are you providing? Is it just a main meal, and then wedding cake for dessert? Or is it a set 2 /3 course menu?

MorrisZapp · 22/05/2019 08:25

Can I ask, those who paid entire bar bill for evening do's ie beer, mixed drinks etc, how much did this cost you?

Surely for 100 people or more you're running into thousands of pounds?

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