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Original poster

Restaurant wedding reception - not paying for drinks?

327 replies

CurriedCarbs · 17/05/2019 18:43

We've decided to go to a local restaurant after our wedding ceremony and essential have our "reception" there - i.e. a nice meal with the guests. Would we BU to only pay for their food and not their drinks? We haven't got a lot of money and we're not really sure we can afford food and drink for everyone. We don't want to say everyone has to completely pay for themselves or limit the guest list even more as we're only inviting close family. Would only paying for food be a reasonable compromise?

OP posts:
Frankola · 19/05/2019 08:04

I have never been to a wedding and had all my drinks paid for. We would always fully expect to buy our own drinks throughout the day/night.

cccameron · 19/05/2019 17:28

Why did you start this thread OP? You say you don't know if you can afford drinks so people try and help with ways for you to make extra money or provide drinks on a budget only for you to get arsey and declare there is absolutely no budget. Confused

Also there will only be 13 adults at the restaurant, presumably close family only, so surely you know those few people well enough to gauge whether they will expect drinks or not!

Landfilly · 19/05/2019 17:35

I think it's absolutely fine and TBH I'd much prefer it to the rank cheap wine you often get as table wine at do's. At least you can then choose your own drink and not feel guilty!

elsabadogigante · 19/05/2019 17:57

This thread really shows up what a problem this country has with booze.

cccameron · 19/05/2019 18:00

Really elsa. If you think that no one in Spain/Italy/France /Germany etc etc etc wouldn't enjoy a glass of wine with a meal at a wedding reception you are very much mistaken

elsabadogigante · 19/05/2019 18:06

I'm not saying they wouldn't, cc, but if the host cannot afford it there's no reason to bend herself in knots trying to, I haven't brought up any other country Hmm.

StillWould · 19/05/2019 18:13

Congratulations on getting married. I am planning my wedding as well at the moment and one thing I have noticed when looking at venues is that it is a lot cheaper to have an afternoon tea rather than a sit down hot meal. Now we know this isn't an afternoon event high tea could work. This might save enough on the food bill to be able to provide some fizz for a toast or, even better, people will not expect alcohol as you don't associate a glass of wine with cake as one might with a hot restaurant meal. It is perhaps worth checking if your restaurant serves afternoon tea or seeing if somewhere else nearby does. Good luck whatever you choose to do!

Topseyt · 19/05/2019 18:33

People paid for their own drinks at our wedding. We paid for all food, and for the evening party too. We supplied bubbly for the toast and put just enough money behind the bar for everyone to have one drink each. After that everyone had to pay for their own. That was 25 years ago now.

I've only been to one wedding where all drinks were paid for by the host, and they were a very wealthy family. Other than that I have always paid for my own drinks and I prefer it that way.

FoddyWaddle · 19/05/2019 18:37

I had a small wedding and we paid for a few bottles of prosecco and to be honest it was a waste. Not many people drank it. Everyone paid for there own drinks at the bar. At a recent wedding there was multiple drinks provided and i drank none of them so i paid for my own drinks from the bar.

I am pretty sure that your guests will not care about paying for drinks. Please do not cut out the photographer, we had a family friend take our pictures and I wish we had paid for the photographer.

Abbazed · 19/05/2019 18:59

You should provide drinks. Is basic hospitality...

Abbazed · 19/05/2019 19:00

Our wedding had champers, and wine with meal then paid bar

DianaT1969 · 19/05/2019 19:09

When is the wedding OP? Do you or your DP have time to get additional part-time work to make an extra few ££ before the big day? Then you could fund a toast and a few bottles of wine on the table.
If you can't, don't stress. As you say, the marriage is more important than a party.

Abbazed · 19/05/2019 19:09

@abroad we like booze

optimisticpessimist01 · 19/05/2019 19:17

If you'd feel bad why don't you buy loads of bottles of red and white wine and dish a few out per table? I'm sure if you searched around you'd be able to do this cheaply

I personally have never been to a wedding where there have been completely free drinks. Although I've never been to a wedding breakfast and there not been at least 1 free drink (on arrival for example), but it wouldn't bother me if not. If I'm only attending the reception I often haven't got anything free and I wouldn't expect anything either.

Its up to you OP, ignore those that say they heard comments about there being no free drinks at all, people should be there for you and not for the booze

flowery · 19/05/2019 19:28

”If you'd feel bad why don't you buy loads of bottles of red and white wine and dish a few out per table? I'm sure if you searched around you'd be able to do this cheaply”

OP has already said she can’t afford corkage.

cherrryontop · 19/05/2019 19:34

I would get a few bottles for the tables or have everyone served a glass of something for a toast, but I would never expect everyone's drinks to be paid for by the bride and groom.
Anyone who expects this must be deluded!

burnoutbabe · 19/05/2019 19:35

but from the sound of it there is NO drink at all provided. Everyone has to have tap water (unless there is some way to order and pay for drinks separately, without it being some awkward thing.

cherrryontop · 19/05/2019 19:36

I would also like to add if you can't afford it then don't stress! Everyone can just toast with whatever they already have!

cherrryontop · 19/05/2019 19:38

Abbazed
You should provide drinks. Is basic hospitality...

No it isn't.

Providing food is basic hospitality at a wedding.
You must be very rich or very silly.

myhamster · 19/05/2019 19:39

Only on MN have I heard of weddings where all the booze is free. In RL here at least, people expect to pay for their own drinks at the bar once the wine on the table is gone.

I always go to a wedding assuming I will have to pay all day or after a certain time, say 6pm or 7pm.

If there are only 13 adults as a PP mentioned though, I would put 1 bottle of wine on each table, it wouldn’t cost you a fortune.

flowery · 19/05/2019 19:43

”I would get a few bottles for the tables or have everyone served a glass of something for a toast, but I would never expect everyone's drinks to be paid for by the bride and groom. Anyone who expects this must be deluded!”

No one is saying the OP should do this. But most people are saying it is usual to provide at least a welcome drink, and/or a bit of wine with a sit down meal and/or some fizz for a toast.

But it’s a pointless thread as the OP has no budget available at all.

flowery · 19/05/2019 19:46

”Providing food is basic hospitality at a wedding.
You must be very rich or very silly.”

That’s a bit unpleasant. It is absolutely normal and usual for weddings the full range of budgets to include at least one drink for guests. It is neither the preserve of the “rich” or “silly” to think one alcoholic drink at a wedding is fairly universal and expected.

LolaSmiles · 19/05/2019 19:47

Providing food is basic hospitality at a wedding.
You must be very rich or very silly.
Or neither because having drinks when hosting is a fairly basic expectation whether it's inviting people for dinner at your house, having friends round for a play date or a more formal social occasion such as a wedding.

It's not a case of expecting a free open bar or the OP to provide lots of free alcohol. It's a case of basic hospitality.

Change that it's a wedding to any other social occasion:
We'd love to invite you and your child for a play date... oh but when you get here I'm not going to offer a cup of tea or some squash because it's up to you to sort your own drinks when you go out places.
Would you like to come for dinner on Saturday, but I'm only providing the food so you better bring anything you'd like to drink for the evening because I dont want to pay for you to have anything to quench your thirst over a number of hours

It's poor hosting. If anyone hosts then it's reasonable to provide some refreshment.

rookiemere · 19/05/2019 19:49

Oh for goodness sake.

It has been established many , many posts ago,OP is not asking if she should provide a free bar, it is the wine on the table that she means.

I'm amazed how many posters are either not reading the thread or wilfully misinterpreting it - so those saying that she doesn't need to provide free drinks but then mention wine on the table on the same sentence - those folks are not getting it.

Anyway OP is long gone - only wanted everyone to agree with her.

dreichuplands · 19/05/2019 19:50

I have only ever been to one wedding where drinks were not provided throughout all of the function. I was surprised when I arrived at that function because it was outside my normal experience.
I wasn't traumatized, just surprised. The parties I attend are fully hosted as well. I know from Mumsnet that this can also be done differently.
I wasn't surprised when I went to a Muslim wedding and there were no alcoholic drinks.
You just need to be clear with your guests and make sure you have a good system set up OP. Split bills often seem to cause problems on here as well.