To not pursue my child’s “incredible” swimming skill

[Amibeingdaft81]

Single mum, two children. One of whom is an exceptional swimmer. From that first lesson as a baby, she has utterly loved swimming and her swimming itself is unbelievably good.

She is now almost 9. She doesn’t do regular swim lessons. I buy the odd pack of 1-2-1 lessons and she has may be one every 4/5 weeks. She swims most weekends though, with her father, but purely recreational.

Anyway, at gym yesterday the teacher who has given her the 1-2-1s left a note at front desk to call him down when I next came to the gym. The first thing he said was “your daughter is the best swimmer I have ever taught by a significant margin”. He went on to say that although premature - he thinks she could be Olympian standard. He said that by not having her in a club I am doing her a disservice.

Here’s the dilemma. I’m a single working parent with no support network whatsoever. All going fairly well atm because I work damn hard at balancing all the balls and ruthlessly organised. Both children are keen sportspersons, very keen. This daughter is also very good at dross country and attends races, along with football and athletics. We are at capacity as to what I can balance.

She loves swimming and sport generally.

AIBU if I don’t pursue swimming as well? From what I can gather it’s a sport that involves very early starts and hours of training.

I know of a couple of children who've gone to Millfield Boarding School so that their swimming schedule could more easily be incorporated into their day.
I wonder if they'd have a bursary for a potential Olympian.

I agree with Hazelnut. Although you made your decision, I would have loved the opportunity to achieve mastery in something. People, in my opinion put too much emphasis on children being all rounders. I read that genius children are rarely all rounders and people who achieve excellence often are work hard in one area achieving the best you can be is very rewarding.

My son and his cousin both played rugby. My son was very very good but I let him stop after a minor injury. I did push, but not enough. His cousin persisted, got into one of the best sixth forms in the country on a sports scholarship, played in South Africa, and given the chance to play professionally. Ultimately he stopped as well, but he got greater opportunities than my DS and is now in a Russel Group Uni. Which doesn't matter in the long term, but I'm saying there is a lot of support and opportunities that open up when pursuing a skill to mastery.

But the child must also like it at the end of the day and no matter how much they like it it does require a bit of a pushy parent at times.

Club swimmers at the age of 9 tend to do an hour twice a week.

It does become lots though as they progress through the squads and become older and better if they are good.

(Mum of a swimmer here!)

If you look on the local club websites it'll give you an idea of their training sessions and times. They also give a rough idea of the ages for each group so if she's good I'd look at the highest squad for her age group.

It's very likely though she would have to make a choice at some point and drop a sport or even drop something now just to fit in the training for her age.

Usually by the time they are 12 ish that's when you start adding morning sessions which can start at 6am! And can be 2-3 times a week. Most swim clubs have a stipulation about how much -% of lessons to must attend to remain in current squad, move up or you may move down.

Ime though parents tend to car pool for training so you probably wouldn't have to do all sessions.

Then there is competition which can be once a month for either a whole weekend day or some run the whole weekend. You are looking at a cost of £5-6 per race and they usually do 4-6 races.

I'm also a single parent do get it. It's hard but we've found a way to juggle it because ds only does swimming. (He's 14).

You could let her start and see how it goes. I know a child who trains hard and is up at 4am 3 days a week and all day Saturday. She falls asleep at school.

Good decision OP.
Read articles by Rebecca post retirement. As it’s mental health Awareness week there are numerous other articles about the psychological impact of elite sport. Current research suggests that no child should specialise in one specific sports. Your daughter may become An Olympic swimmer, but in later life. You mentioned her need for sleep and this shouldn’t be dismissed; she is still growing and needs her sleep. And don’t even get me started on the impact on siblings of having an ‘elite’ child in the family.

Rebecca Adlington

Sorry just seen that you've made the decision. I think you've done the right thing.

youarenitkiddingme you are very lucky if that’s the training your ds does, although if he is racing at any reasonable level he will be competing against swimmers doung a lot more training a week.
Our city’s swim scheme starts 3 evenings a week age 6+, 4-5 evenings as soon as show potential, 5-6 evenings and 1 4.45am start age 9, 5 evenings 2 or 3 4.45am mornings at 10 and thrown out at 12 if not getting several County championship times and at least 1 Regional time.

We have friends whose ds started swimming at 5 in the morning before school. When we all went on holiday together, he wouldn't even get into the pool as he had such a profound association with, well, work.

I'd say think about how this swimming class could play a role in her further education. Would she be able to get a scholarship? Go to a good uni? She might not stay in it for her life but it is worth trying. Not trying = always regretting Give it a go!

Yaba I'm not sure I understand? My ds currently trains 3 mornings and 4 evenings a week. Mornings are an hour, evenings are 2.
But he's 14. He competes at higher level meets and his club has county, regional and national swimmers who also train the same amount as him.

He's still waiting for classification assessment so we don't actually really know how good he is or not yet. But he has some qualifying times for level 1 meets despite being disabled!

He loves it and realistically very few make BS team and when they do they stay for years - movement in limited.

But he loves it so who cares?

My brother showed very strong early promise at tennis and was offered the chance to train seriously with a view to future success. But he was also very academic. My parents took the decision that rather than go all out with tennis training (which isn't nearly as brutal as swimming mornings) and perhaps only make it to being a nearly ran he'd be better off enjoying it and concentrating on his studies.

In sport you have to be the best in the country or even the world to have a serious career and even then it can be short lived. In business you can be hugely successful without that and don't need to be the world's best CEO, CFO, CMO etc to be successful (thank goodness!)

yes maybe he could have been Andy Murray but it's very unlikely and I can honestly say he has never regretted it.

I've just taken my daughter out if her swimming club as at 9 she was swimming five times a week and was grumpy...that said I think in your shoes I'd be inclined to have her try out for the local club and see what they say. I think you'll always wonder "what if? " if you don't nt.

A little girl at my swimming club has just got a scholarship for millfield. As a comparison - she is 10 years old, does 30 seconds for 50m freestyle, and 33 seconds for 50m fly. She is awesome.

I was a very skilled child but my mum didn’t have the money for me to regularly attend classes or clubs. The response was “oh what a shame, she could have been a superstar”. But obviously I wasn’t that exceptional if they weren’t willing to fork out to get me.

Is there a middle ground. Where I live, we have a recreational swim team for that age. It’s only during the summer break. They take any kid who can swim the length of the pool and only have a few meets a summer. Something like that would give her a taste of competitive swimming, but not be a huge commitment. The real complication would be finding child care that could get her to practice. Finding something within walking distance of practice might make that easy.

I can totally sympathise OP. I have 2 dc with full in extra curricular schedules. DS football coach (after school club once a week) told me this week that she is a superb footballer and should join a club for more formal training. DD doesn’t know, because I simply don’t know how we’ll fit it in. DH and I both work full time.

However - I had “Olympic swimming potential” when I was 9. I did the early morning training stuff for a few years, then packed in when I was 14, because I was good, but not that good.

A colleague has a daughter who started serious swim training when she was 9 too. She swam in the Rio Olympics as a teenager, and had her sights on Tokyo.

“Has her sights”, not “had”.

It’s a massive commitment. My daughter is in a development program and now attends 4/5 classes a week and one mandatory gym session. She is 11. Another lad at her school in the same club goes every day and just started the odd before school. Then there are the meets which happen every month or so. All weekend at the pool waiting for your turn.She will have to be highly committed and love it. You will have to be too. Plus “swims with dad” is not the same as a class. Dd swims 60 lengths to warm up!

I am not trying to put you off but iv met many mums of swimming kids and none had to convince their kid to join. She will get there if it is what she wants.

I will assume from your post your DD is a talented sportsperson in general so may decide a sport later on not swimming.

Ask her what she wants to do. My eight year old was recently assessed as being academically gifted, his school wanted him to skip a grade and also have one to one lessons, which he would have done in PE time. He said no thanks! He’s rather enjoy going to school, that be pushed to be exceptional. Same for your daughter, perhaps she could be Olympic material, but would she want to be? That’s a huge commitment, maybe she’d rather just keep swimming as something that she enjoys.

At 8 years old, nobody and everybody has 'Olympic swimming potential.' It's a nonsense comment.
Swimming is not a sport whereby anything can be determined at 8.
To be an Olympic swimmer, you need to be;

1. Tall, long limbs, big feet. No one knows that at 8.
2. Prepared to put in twenty hours a week training. Who knows at 8 who would do that for ten years?

I think for other sports; gymnastics, football maybe, you might have a good idea at 8, but not for swimming.

She sounds like she'd get a lot out of Triathlon.

And if she finds out later that you refused an opportunity, she might not thank you for it.

Sporting ability also helps very intelligent children get into the best schools/universities over and above children that are just very intelligent.

Many posters are talking about how they wouldn't want to do it - but how about the feelings of the person who finds out they had been offered a potentially amazing chance and it was refused because, say, a parent didn't want them getting above themselves? thinking of my full scholarship offer to a top private school refused because they didn't want me to get big headed, instead sending me to the shittiest school in town to keep me in my place

Seriously, good for you OP, not to instantly jump into a lifestyle that isn't right for her.

And anyone who turns round as an adult and whines at a hardworking parent who (from the posts on this thread!) very clearly cared about them and made their very best decision for their wellbeing under the circumstances - well, they're a selfish arsewit.

You just don't get everything you want in life.

I’ve been a club swimming coach for over 20 years and the teacher’s comments are pretty hilarious tbh. There is no way you can say a 9 yr old has Olympic Potential. Mainly:
-9 yr olds are only just developing the technical skills required to be competitively successful. Being a good swimmer alone is not enough.
-Puberty ( especially with girls) can have a huge affect on streamlining and boyancy and you can’t predict what impact it will have on kids this age.

• Your child has no experience of racing. Who knows if they have the raw speed required.
• 9 yr olds in a club environment are only just starting to race over distances over 25m. This is not an Olympic distance and who knows if she will develop the endurance to be successful over longer distances.
• The mental fortitude needed to get to the top in swimming is huge. County Championships only start at 9 for very good swimmers. Who knows if she will be able to perform on any given day as time goes by.

If she wants to swim you need to take her to a proper Swim England club with coaches that see kids this age day in day out. She may be good compared to kids to the gym but I suspect it may be a different matter if you try in a club!

For example my 8.5 yr old is “good” she trains for 4 hrs a week. Her school think she is amazing and she wins everything at that level - but she’s only about the 3rd best in our City club. Amplify that around the country there are 100s of kids better than her. There are also around 16 other girls her age in our club alone that would be considered “good” swimmers. Any one of them could make the grade as they get older.

If she wants to swim and you can put in the hours required then go for it. But not on the basis she has Olympic Potential as very very few kids will make it to that level.

@MitziK

Not to derail the thread but my stepfather also refused to allow me to take up a scholarship to a private school for the same reason.
Still painful years on. I was hugely academic and ended up in a shitty comp where I was well supported but only within their means...

I hear you. X