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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get my 14 year old on the Pill.

236 replies

Campervanlife4me · 16/05/2019 16:30

She has had a boyfriend for 6 months now and is a little bit irresponsible at times. She's lovely and kind but just doesn't always think things through. She asked me if she could go on the pill because of her periods. I talked to her about it and about being too young to have sex and everything else that comes with it, but then as I thought about it later, I thought that maybe it would be more sensible for her to be on the pill than end up having an unwanted pregnancy. I can't be with her all the time to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid, so would I be unreasonable to agree to letting her go on the pill to be safe?

OP posts:
Storkbloom · 19/05/2019 22:20

ok so the alternative is normalising under age sex. I don't slut shame 14 years olds I pity them for their lack of parental support, they're not sluts they're abused children.

Really? Your kid goes out and has sex, suddenly you've abused them? Right.

Storkbloom · 19/05/2019 22:23

Erhmmmmm but its illegal at 14!

Ok. So don't put her on the pill, and let her get pregnant. I mean what are you going to do? "It's illegal!" Like the 14 year olds don't already know that!? As if telling them it's illegal is going to stop them if they want to? What would you do if your 14 year old was having sex and needed contraception - refuse, keep them grounded in the house every minute of the year? Escort them everywhere?

Storkbloom · 19/05/2019 22:34

think the age of consent should be 18

Grin so I would have been living on my own without my parents at 17, but still not "allowed" to have sex with a boy?

Storkbloom · 19/05/2019 22:39

Some girls are academic and not interested

I didn't know you couldn't have sex underage and still get good GCSE grades etc Confused

MarieToulouseBerlioz · 19/05/2019 22:40

Not read the full thread so not sure if this has been said/answered but I would venture that by asking to go on the pill "for her periods" she actually wants to go on it to be having safe sex.

I think it's good shes come to you about it and that it would be responsible for her to go on it.

gingertesco · 19/05/2019 23:29

Really? Your kid goes out and has sex, suddenly you've abused them? Right.

@Storkbloom They shouldn't be having sex, your relationship needs some working on and the child needs more attention. Probably emotionally abused so it's lead to this. Not many kids from solid secure hiomes are having sex at 14. It's all the dysfunctional ones!

gingertesco · 19/05/2019 23:31

@Storkbloom

Ok. So don't put her on the pill, and let her get pregnant. I mean what are you going to do? "It's illegal!" Like the 14 year olds don't already know that!? As if telling them it's illegal is going to stop them if they want to? What would you do if your 14 year old was having sex and needed contraception - refuse, keep them grounded in the house every minute of the year? Escort them everywhere?

Personally I would they're a risk to themselves, especially if you start seeing signs. They should be studying anyway.

gingertesco · 19/05/2019 23:32

@MarieToulouseBerlioz

Not read the full thread so not sure if this has been said/answered but I would venture that by asking to go on the pill "for her periods" she actually wants to go on it to be having safe sex.

You're on the money here! Period issues is the normal cover story!

gingertesco · 19/05/2019 23:34

@Storkbloom

I didn't know you couldn't have sex underage and still get good GCSE grades etc 

Chances are people who engage in underage sex do NOT get good grades.

MoominMantra · 19/05/2019 23:36

Why on earth would anyone suggest a 14 year old having the injection? I know many people who had their health messed up. St least if the pill doesn't agree with you you can stop taking it and reverse the side effects quickly.

gingertesco · 19/05/2019 23:38

There was a study done not so long ago about how the working class were less likely to go to university. One of the important findings are working class and people from less educated background want instant gratification. Hence why they have sex sooner, tattoo and the usual instant gratification mentality. It makes sense not to join in with this and teach her the ability to wait. In helps in all areas of life not just education.

MoominMantra · 19/05/2019 23:38

'Chances are people who engage in underage sex do NOT get good grades.'

That's absolute stereotypical bolleaux.

I went to an academic all girls school where some of the top students were having sex at 13/14. Sorry to burst your bubble.

MoominMantra · 19/05/2019 23:42

Omg @gingertesco what utterly narrow minded posts. You sound like a snob.

So now you have to be 'working class' to have underage sex? 😂

FYI one of the expensive private schools near me has an huge problem with cocaine. I wonder why that is? Too much money / self medication.

As I said, I went to a girls school where the daughters of doctors and lawyers were having sex at 13.

MoominMantra · 19/05/2019 23:50

Oh and one of my daughters went to a posher school than me where one of her friends said she had had sex at 9 😢obviously what happened there was abuse) it was still going on and the police got involved because she had explicit photos on her phone at 12 which she was showing everyone. The school expelled her and I found this very sad. Never mind about what she was going through?

My point is, stop making ridiculous sweeping statements about socioeconomic backgrounds and underage sex.

gingertesco · 20/05/2019 00:07

@MoominMantra I'm not! A relative of mine is a PhD and did the study. It a fact for the most part if you're from a lower socioeconomic background you're more lightly to engage in instant gratification than studying. I'm sorry you don't like it but it's true!

gingertesco · 20/05/2019 00:12

@MoominMantra

I went to an academic all girls school where some of the top students were having sex at 13/14. Sorry to burst your bubble.

These come under the banner of emotional abused and neglected children. I was one, I came from a middle class background. Dysfunctional parents, poor children!

Dermarie · 20/05/2019 01:06

these come under the banner of emotional abused and neglected children

No, sorry. I had sex at 14 and my parents didn't abuse or neglect me. They have been the biggest support to me, always. To think I come from a working-class family and I'm doing a degree - madness!!

Dermarie · 20/05/2019 01:07

"They should be studying anyway"

You can do both. Hmm

Dermarie · 20/05/2019 01:10

They shouldn't be having sex, your relationship needs some working on and the child needs more attention. Probably emotionally abused so it's lead to this. Not many kids from solid secure hiomes are having sex at 14. It's all the dysfunctional ones!

Well aren't you a delight. Never met the families but assume the worst. They must be dysfunctional! There's just NO way it would happen otherwise, if they came from a nice middle-class family with nice parents. You sound so stuck-up, looking down and judging families you have never met. It's fine to say there is a trend towards a certain family set-up if you want, but to over-generalise as you do and say it applies to all families is absurd.

gingertesco · 20/05/2019 01:11

@Dermarie You're Young it's obvious come back in 20 years and tell me it hasn't affected you. More than half the population do degrees nowadays not the cognitive elite like in the olden days. What are you studying? ...

MoominMantra · 20/05/2019 03:58

Total rubbish @gingertesco

JacquesHammer · 20/05/2019 06:54

ginger

You’ve already stated how poor your parents were. Maybe look to how that’s affected YOUR thinking.

Because you’re ascribing your opinions as fact, which is a very foolish thing to do.

Notabedofroses · 20/05/2019 08:48

14 year old children need good advice, support and to learn self love and self care before they embark on sexual journeys of any kind, so they are not hurt, damaged and put at risk from disease etc.

MoominMantra · 20/05/2019 09:34

I really don't like the way some posters are blaming the OP for the situation. The fact that her dd will openly discuss this with her shows that they do obviously have a good relationship. Unfortunately some children do have underage sex, it's not ideal but there isn't anything anyone can do to stop a teenager from doing this. And it's very insulting to suggest that a parent has somehow failed if this happens.

Notabedofroses · 20/05/2019 09:48

Moo Thats strange I can't see a single post that blames op. Might you be posting on the wrong thread?