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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get my 14 year old on the Pill.

236 replies

Campervanlife4me · 16/05/2019 16:30

She has had a boyfriend for 6 months now and is a little bit irresponsible at times. She's lovely and kind but just doesn't always think things through. She asked me if she could go on the pill because of her periods. I talked to her about it and about being too young to have sex and everything else that comes with it, but then as I thought about it later, I thought that maybe it would be more sensible for her to be on the pill than end up having an unwanted pregnancy. I can't be with her all the time to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid, so would I be unreasonable to agree to letting her go on the pill to be safe?

OP posts:
mammmamia · 18/05/2019 15:12

I also agree with some of what ginger is saying but virginity bracelets Shock really?!!

dementedpixie · 18/05/2019 15:15

I don't even know what a virginity bracelet is!

mammmamia · 18/05/2019 15:39

I think it’s an American thing?

SilentSister · 18/05/2019 16:07

In the UK our age of consent is actually one of the highest in Europe. Skimming the list, most other countries have 14 or 15 and also many have "a close in age exemption". Much more sensible.

You could argue that the criminalisation of teen sex under the age of 16 doesn't make sense in the UK anyway, when a 14 year old can go and get contraceptives from a GP without parental consent. It makes the law contradictory.

callmeadoctor · 18/05/2019 16:10

The question to you all is, do you really want your 14 year old to be having sex at 14?

callmeadoctor · 18/05/2019 16:11

The other question would be (especially to the girls) why do you want to have sex (coz IMO its not particularly pleasant!) Grin

JacquesHammer · 18/05/2019 16:12

The question to you all is, do you really want your 14 year old to be having sex at 14?

My DD is 12. Would I ideally like her to be having sex at 14? No, I don’t think many 14 year olds are equipped to have GOOD, safe, consensual sex.

I’m a realist though. She might well be having sex and therefore as her parent it’s my job to make her feel able to discuss with me and ensure she keeps herself safe

Springwalk · 18/05/2019 16:52

silent It is called raping a minor under the age of sixteen for good reason, and I would not change the law. Not at all. It is there to protect children.
Yes in the middle East a young girl can be raped at ten and married off, or even younger but here in the UK sixteen is a good compromise. I would prefer 18 actually. I feel a woman has developed emotional integrity and maturity and confidence by that age. Of course you will always get the paedophiles that campaign for the age to be lowered, and fortunately they have not been successful.

gingertesco · 18/05/2019 17:40

@mollysshadow what's naive about that? Lots of my mothers generation married virgin or at least were in very committed relationships and not 14! This is a generation problem where parents want to be pals.

gingertesco · 18/05/2019 17:41

@mammmamia @dementedpixie

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purity_ring

gingertesco · 18/05/2019 17:50

You can just buy her a nice Thomas Sabo bracelet with an appropriate charm may be a V and make a massive thing about of being a virgin. Personally I'd offer my child a few grand to stay away for sex and focus on school until 18. Money well spent you're stopping an unhealthy cycle of sex being a focus of relationships. By 18 they'll be old enough to make their own decisions. 14 they're a child!

JacquesHammer · 18/05/2019 17:51

You can just buy her a nice Thomas Sabo bracelet with an appropriate charm may be a V and make a massive thing about of being a virgin. Personally I'd offer my child a few grand to stay away for sex and focus on school until 18

I can’t think of anything sillier!

I’m not making a massive thing about being a virgin. We discuss the importance of a healthy relationship. Of being ready. Of having sex because SHE wants to.

I’m not buying her virginity Confused

dementedpixie · 18/05/2019 17:53

I think it's a strange idea. No need for a bit of jewellery and a big song and dance about being a virgin. I had boyfriends at that age but waited until 16 to have sex. I'm hoping dd will be the same as she has been seeing someone for a year now and is 15.

gingertesco · 18/05/2019 17:56

@JacquesHammer 14 years old don't have a scooby, you're giving them attributes they don't have. Mentally they are not developed enough to know good decisions from impulsive one the way 18-21 year old can. Your idea of a healthy relationship comes from experience. The child doesn't have that, that is when you parent! As I said you're not her pal. It's also not buying their virginity it's rewarding them for sticking in and focusing on their school work and not making decisions before they're emotionally or physically ready.

JacquesHammer · 18/05/2019 17:58

You making a big deal of virginity is a sure fire way of closing the doors of communication because they won’t feel able to talk to you.

mollysshadow · 18/05/2019 18:01

The idea that teenage sex didn't happen in the past and people waited until marriage just isn't true. It happened but was often hidden, How many girls were sent away to have babies in secret and had them adopted ? How many children grew up not realising that their older sister was actually their mother ? How many girls resorted to back street abortions as they were 'in trouble'. My own teenage grandma was forced into an unhappy marriage because she was pregnant. It's always happened.
Purity rings don't work, abstinence doesn't work, education does.

MrsFoxPlus4 · 18/05/2019 18:01

If they are going to have sex they are going to have sex I’m pretty sure being given a bracelet isn’t going to stop that

JacquesHammer · 18/05/2019 18:02

I’m pretty sure being given a bracelet isn’t going to stop that

Suppose it depends how heavy it is Grin

gingertesco · 18/05/2019 18:05

@mollysshadow There wasn't many 14 years olds in mother and baby home unless it was rape!

mollysshadow · 18/05/2019 18:05

Never mind a bracelet go the whole hog and get her a chastity belt

gingertesco · 18/05/2019 18:07

@MrsFoxPlus4 Perhaps not, but if you're drumming home the importance of valuing yourself and waiting until you're older it might help.

StarlightLady · 18/05/2019 18:15

The age of consent varies across Europe and beyond. So if it is there for a reason why does it vary? It is there for a reason, to prevent adults taking advantage of younger people.

Older generations ended up in so calked mental institutions, their only so called “crime” was being pregnant. We have moved on.

I had sex at 14/15 because l wanted to. If anything it made me a calm contented teenager, At 40+, I still have sex because I want to. Neither then nor now was I taken advantage of.

StarlightLady · 18/05/2019 18:19

PS: Virginity is short hand for male double standards. It is nothing to be ashamed of but nothing to be proud of either.

Nice girls don’t? This nice mature woman does! And the nice teenager before her did too.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 18/05/2019 18:21

ginger like the pp who had a few posts deleted you are saying that only those who wait to have sex value themselves. That is slut shaming.

I don’t actually think that many 14 year olds do have sex but those who do should not be told that they and society don’t value them because they are no longer virgins. That is a disgusting misogynistic attitude and very damaging for girls.

callmeadoctor · 18/05/2019 18:37

Erhmmmmm but its illegal at 14!

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