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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get my 14 year old on the Pill.

236 replies

Campervanlife4me · 16/05/2019 16:30

She has had a boyfriend for 6 months now and is a little bit irresponsible at times. She's lovely and kind but just doesn't always think things through. She asked me if she could go on the pill because of her periods. I talked to her about it and about being too young to have sex and everything else that comes with it, but then as I thought about it later, I thought that maybe it would be more sensible for her to be on the pill than end up having an unwanted pregnancy. I can't be with her all the time to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid, so would I be unreasonable to agree to letting her go on the pill to be safe?

OP posts:
Springwalk · 17/05/2019 18:14

queen and here you go again, just judging everyone by your own standards.

Some boys and girls care about themselves and their bodies, they don’t feel the need to rush into sex. Who cares whether you have or haven’t met teens like this, trust me they do exist. Not every 13/14 year old is sex mad. They may be interested of course, but they may not want to break the law, or compromise themselves with a bad experience too early in life.

We seem to have lost sight of the fact it is illegal folks!

Yes that small detail, that could put a teen on a sex offenders register for life.

It doesn’t actually matter whether you think it’s a great idea to have sex as a young teen, the fact is children are protected by law.

Pardonwhat · 17/05/2019 18:56

Springwalk

I’m absolutely amazed that you can’t recognise why I took exception to Sonly’s misogynist post. Or are you purposely being obtuse? It’s nothing to do with whether I was or wasn’t sexually active myself at 14.

cupofteaandcake · 17/05/2019 20:10

Don't want to de-rail but I worry that my daughter will have a mil like sonly, such old fashioned views 😑

gingertesco · 18/05/2019 02:22

What about getting her a virginity bracelet and drumming home now special and valuable your virginity is? Is that sexist? I don't think it is it's about valuing yourself. Honestly if I have a horny teen I'd rather buy her a vibrator to discover what she likes and a virginity bracelet.

QueenofPain · 18/05/2019 02:33

@gingertesco

Well I did wonder whether this rabbit they were all banging on about was the rampant kind.

No wonder the poor girl is so busy with it! We’ve all been there!

gingertesco · 18/05/2019 02:47

@QueenofPain I'd rather have sex with a rabbit than a 14 year old boy, they're inexperienced. Not worth losing your virginity over. Honestly I'd rather sell it than just give it away to another child. Wish my parents had advised me. Stay a virgin!

StarlightLady · 18/05/2019 02:53

Congrats to the OP for a sensible approach. At 14, for many hormones are bubbling. Saying don’t will not work.

I am in my 40s now and became sexually active around my 15th birthday. I can’t remember if I was 14 or 15 at the time, boyfriends were similar age. I had a number of friendships and, looking back, no regrets. Mum was cross when she found out, not that I was having sex but that I hadn’t told her.

She said get the right combination of respect, passion and discretion. Sound words to this day.

I’d do it all again.

StarlightLady · 18/05/2019 03:06

PS
....and as a very sexually active teenager l wnjoyed sex, I also did well at school. As a 40 something woman, l still enjoy sex and have a good job.

floraloctopus · 18/05/2019 03:15

Personally, I'd be furious with my son (a year older than your DD) if he didn't take responsibility for contraception when he starts to have sex, he understands fully not to ever accept the 'I'm on the pill' line and that he should always use a condom. If you want to let your DD go on the pill (and you can't prevent it) then make sure she has a supply of condoms somewhere accessible and insists that they are used.

gingertesco · 18/05/2019 04:51

No no no, fake hormones into developing bodies. We don't know if they make you infertile or give you cancer.. This is wrong! No way can she ready. Keep her grounded and get her tutor take her to church, she has plenty time for all that.

chainmail · 18/05/2019 04:58

Not unreasonable at all. But the pill is not a good method for someone who is unreliable, try the implant - it should also help with periods.

gingertesco · 18/05/2019 05:08

How about abstaining? Chemical free and no depressed teens that can't cope with sex too young!

StarlightLady · 18/05/2019 08:14

Abstaining doesn’t work with hormones bubbling. Healthy young people have needs too.

I am shocked with this thread that people adopt the attitude that sex and low morals should be equated together. It’s slut shaming via another door.

No wonder so many people have sexual hangups, which dit with them for the rest of ther lives.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 18/05/2019 08:30

To be fair I think only one person is thinking that and I’m glad to see that their most misogynistic posts have been deleted.

The only issue I have with this thread is that so many people seem to be happy with giving girls artificial hormones.

StarlightLady · 18/05/2019 09:01

@WeepingWillowWeepingWino - yes, the artificial hormone things bothers me too.

I am also concerned about negative sexist language from another era, fortunately mum taught us it was all a load of rubbish “giving someone virginity” “lost virginity’. Anything lost can be found again. How about instead “gaining womanhood’?

Having reached my 40s and being happily sexually active since 14/15, l am probably better adjusted than those who were under extreme moral pressure.

She’s not with us anymore, but thanks mum for being a feminist and sex positive! You have 2 proud daughters. We were never taught that sex was wrong if the chemistry was right.

floraloctopus · 18/05/2019 09:46

Abstaining doesn’t work with hormones bubbling. Healthy young people have needs too.

Yes, they do but having needs doesn't necessarily mean that they don't have common sense.

StarlightLady · 18/05/2019 09:52

Goodness me! You can have needs, have common sense aka contraception) and have sex too, you know.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 18/05/2019 10:26

I think the point being made is that for a lot of 14 year olds (including, dare I say it, the one being discussed by the OP) common sense is something that happens to other people.

I had zero common sense at 14.

Springwalk · 18/05/2019 11:59

It is illegal for one, the age of consent is there for a reason, no one is even addressing this issue. Why? We can't ignore it.

Secondly it is perfectly possible for a 14 year old to have girl/boy friends and decide that sex is a step too far, but still be interested in the other sex and having fun.

Surely we should NOT be encouraging our young teens to become sexually active so early, with their bodies pumped full of chemicals to facilitate it. The risk of STDs and other diseases, not to mention the heartbreak of an accident (no contraception is bullet proof) is too much for a young teen.

Surely supporting our children to make informed decisions is far better, no you don't NEED to have sex at 14. You can explore your sexuality in other ways, and having sex without the emotional maturity to deal with the potential consequences is not what I would want for any of my children.

The age of consent is there for a reason, it is not a guideline, it is the law.

SerenDippitty · 18/05/2019 12:02

Abstaining doesn’t work with hormones bubbling. Healthy young people have needs too.

Surely they are wants or desires. Not needs.

gingertesco · 18/05/2019 14:47

I'm shocked by this. Not because of children having sex, that happens! It's the enabling parents. It's not slut shaming to say it's a good idea to wait, perhaps even explore your own body with toys. 14 is too young, I was a mature 14 and had sex. I was too young. I left home at 16 but I still wasn't quite ready or should I say men around this age are not emotionally ready to provide a positive experience. I think the age of consent should be 18. I actually get annoyed hearing parents allowing teens to move in together to their parents home. Teenagers are exploring boundaries and your enabling them without the commitment and responsibility required from the child and it can get messy. They need parents to be parents guide them tell them their virginity is valuable and not to be thrown away at 14. It doesn't make them a prude it makes them strong. Give girls the emotional tools to express what they want, 14 year olds usually want love and not sex. Life was easier for my mothers generation. You were not pressured in to having sex young and worst still enabled by parents who encourage chemical injection to avoid pregnancy! Men usually had to commit to marriage before getting anywhere, that an extreme now but at least children were not being put into these situations.

JacquesHammer · 18/05/2019 14:51

Life was easier for my mothers generation. You were not pressured in to having sex young and worst still enabled by parents who encourage chemical injection to avoid pregnancy! Men usually had to commit to marriage before getting anywhere, that an extreme now but at least children were not being put into these situations

Rose tinted spectacles which aren’t, in fact, any representation of the truth aren’t helpful.

mollysshadow · 18/05/2019 14:56

Ginger - your comment about your mother's generation is horrendously naive

callmeadoctor · 18/05/2019 15:04

I do find it strange that we are discussing children having sex though! (mind you, Ive never been a fan off sex anyway, totally over rated Wink

mammmamia · 18/05/2019 15:11

I totally totally agree with everything @springwalk said and am quite shocked by the normalisation of sex at 14 and hormonal contraceptives at this age. The age of consent is there for a reason, most 14 year olds are not mature enough for the emotional side of sex and in the OP’s case not even responsible enough to remember to take oral contraception.

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