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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get my 14 year old on the Pill.

236 replies

Campervanlife4me · 16/05/2019 16:30

She has had a boyfriend for 6 months now and is a little bit irresponsible at times. She's lovely and kind but just doesn't always think things through. She asked me if she could go on the pill because of her periods. I talked to her about it and about being too young to have sex and everything else that comes with it, but then as I thought about it later, I thought that maybe it would be more sensible for her to be on the pill than end up having an unwanted pregnancy. I can't be with her all the time to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid, so would I be unreasonable to agree to letting her go on the pill to be safe?

OP posts:
WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 17/05/2019 11:31

Why is a female wanting to have sex and enjoying it (and with guidance being safe) immoral?

sonlypuppyfat · 17/05/2019 11:42

Because they are 14!!!! What are you struggling with here

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 17/05/2019 11:44

you. I'm struggling with you and your misogyny.

JacquesHammer · 17/05/2019 11:45

We all know how some men behave, and it's our job to teach our daughters some morals

Please stop equating sex and morality.

I may not be so bright that I've not bought up daughters that think so little of themselves

Oh dear.

To be fair I feel sorry for them.

sonlypuppyfat · 17/05/2019 11:51

My children are more than happy feel sorry for your own

JacquesHammer · 17/05/2019 11:53

My children are more than happy feel sorry for your own

I don’t need to because I don’t blame her or hold her responsible for the actions of men. I find victim blaming a desperately sad opinion for a “parent” to hold.

cupofteaandcake · 17/05/2019 11:54

Agree with others, girls/women wanting sex is nothing to be ashamed of. Ideally I am sure we would like our children to be older than 14 before they have sex but sometimes this doesn't happen. I am trying to bring my children (girl and boy) up to respect themselves, this doesn't mean don't have sex it means take precautions and responsbility for what you are doing.

I would be interested soul, if you have a boy are you giving a different message to him? If a girl he was seeing became pregnant at 14 would you just accuse her of having no morals?

sonlypuppyfat · 17/05/2019 12:00

I've a ds of 20 and he knows how to behave

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 17/05/2019 12:16

does he think that a girl who 'puts out' 'too soon' is a slag with no morals? Because that's certainly what you appear to be teaching your children, from your comments here.

JacquesHammer · 17/05/2019 12:16

I've a ds of 20 and he knows how to behave

No. He allegedly subscribes to your bizarre standards of morality.

Except you can’t be sure of course.

sonlypuppyfat · 17/05/2019 12:41

Bizarre! You've got a warped idea of bizarre

Napqueen1234 · 17/05/2019 12:43

Absolutely I would. Consider more long term options (implant particularly!) as this would help with periods and be more reliable. Well done for you for having that conversation and how lovely your daughter could I approach you. You sound like a v supportive mum :)

Napqueen1234 · 17/05/2019 12:49

@sonlypuppyfat your attitude is dreadful !

howlongcanausernamebebeforeits · 17/05/2019 12:56

Guaranteed sonly's older daughter has sex but just doesn't confide in her mum for fear of being called a 'slut'. And her son probably has tinder profiles that say he 'wants a girl who respects herself'.

sonlypuppyfat · 17/05/2019 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 17/05/2019 12:59

what do you mean by good?

what does your son understand by his sisters being 'good'?

JacquesHammer · 17/05/2019 13:01

but I've got good girls

And here we go again. Why do you have such outdated, women-hating views?

howlongcanausernamebebeforeits · 17/05/2019 13:03

All girls are good. Including the sexually active girls who enjoy sex, just like men do.

User10fuckingmillion · 17/05/2019 13:06

You can be:
Into sport
Academic
Like knitting
Like playing with your pets
Like writing to pen pals
Be a nice, moral, lovely person
...and still be having sex at 14.

QueenofPain · 17/05/2019 13:11

I am just imagining @sonlypuppyfat bright red in the face, mashing the keyboard typing these replies, while that little seed of doubt slowly takes root.

Sex and virginity are not currency, that your daughters can exchange for the good will of handsome prince.

FunInTheSun2019 · 17/05/2019 13:38

This thread is ridiculous!!

It's much more sensible for the OP and her daughter to consider some form of contraception. It doesn't mean for one minute that the DD is going to have sex!!

Every teenager matures at different ages.

If teenagers were not interested in sex etc, schools would not be teaching sexual education!

It's absolutely fantastic that the OP's daughter trusts her mum and it's very obvious they have a good healthy honest relationship. Which should be every parents goal!

@sonlypuppyfat I think you might be slightly naive into thinking your child just writes pen pal letters and plays with her rabbit!! I'm guessing there is a heck of a lot you don't know about your child!
Teenagers are curious about sex. It's a fact!!

QueenOfTheTofuTree · 17/05/2019 16:12

Some girls are academic and not interested, some are sports mad and devoted to their sport. Others are knitters, crafters, shy, happy to be single

And lots of girls are both those things and interested in sex.

People, including teenagers, are complex and are capable of being interested in multiple things at the same time.

Just because a 14 year old is sexually active does not mean that is doing nothing but having sex. She could be playing sports, studying, art, knitting, etc in addition to having a sex life.

QueenOfTheTofuTree · 17/05/2019 16:16

Oh, and I would say I was a pretty innocent and naive 14 year old. I spent time playing with my pets and writing fan fiction. However I was also into boys and whilst I wasn't having sex at that age, I was dating and had boyfriends.

It's not a one or the other situation.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 17/05/2019 16:29

There is ample evidence now that hormonal contraception is associated with increased risk of depression, anxiety, loss of libido and all sorts of other nasty stuff. Yes, the majority of women probably do not experience these side effects, but a significant minority do. Increased rates of depression and anxiety in teenage girls are in the news all the time. I am convinced that this is partially due to the use of hormonal contraception. I bet contraception-caused mental health issues in teenage girls are often dismissed as puberty-related hormonal angst.

I agree. Unwanted pregnancy is a serious concern, but I found that hormonal contraception gives me depression. Fortunately for me, I first used it age 19, and I did actually have a baseline for what I should normally feel like. I wouldn't have had that if I'd been "put on the pill at 14".

Boysey45 · 17/05/2019 17:54

Its better she has some contraception than has to have an abortion surely? My friends were mostly shagging from 13 onwards.