Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get my 14 year old on the Pill.

236 replies

Campervanlife4me · 16/05/2019 16:30

She has had a boyfriend for 6 months now and is a little bit irresponsible at times. She's lovely and kind but just doesn't always think things through. She asked me if she could go on the pill because of her periods. I talked to her about it and about being too young to have sex and everything else that comes with it, but then as I thought about it later, I thought that maybe it would be more sensible for her to be on the pill than end up having an unwanted pregnancy. I can't be with her all the time to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid, so would I be unreasonable to agree to letting her go on the pill to be safe?

OP posts:
QueenOfTheTofuTree · 16/05/2019 17:36

I went on the pill at 14 for my awful periods so YANBU in that regard. Are her periods particularly problematic? Are is it more likely she is using that as a cover because she wants to have sex? If it's the latter then I would be encouraging her to get the implant rather than the pill especially as you say she is irresponsible.

TwinsTrollsandHunz · 16/05/2019 17:37

will she take it regularly?

Surely the OP can put it out for her? My youngest takes prescribed medications (and the pill). She has a memory like a sieve, so I put them out for her in the morning.

If that’s not possible she can put the packet next to her toothbrush, use alarms or reminders on her phone. There are apps she can use, like mypill.

slashlover · 16/05/2019 17:37

I went on the pill at 14 because my periods were horrendous, I'm still a virgin at 40. Back on the pill 3 years ago after endo was found during a laparoscopy. Could it actually be an issue with her periods?

bakebakebake · 16/05/2019 17:40

I went on the pill at 14 when my mum found out I was having sex. But i was already on medication twice a day so i never forgot to take it.

If she's irresponsible sometimes then definitely push for the injection or implant. Both stopped my periods.

MrsFoxPlus4 · 16/05/2019 17:45

I had a horrible experience on the implant and the injection at that age. To the point where I finally found a GP who listened to me and got it taken out and gave me the pill. Iv never known anyone to get on well with the implant. I’d take her to discuss her options let her do some research and let her choose. It’s not difficult to remember to take the pill, leave it next to your toothbrush. Set an alarm.

QueenOfTheTofuTree · 16/05/2019 17:46

*Or

cookiechomper · 16/05/2019 17:51

If you think she's definitley going to be having sex, then yes but if it's just a precaution I think it's unnecessary hormones in someone so young. I'd do everything in my power to put her off having sex for now but I'd advise condoms, the pill as a last resort.

bridgetreilly · 16/05/2019 17:51

1 in 4 teenagers have STDs. It's not okay for her to rely on the pill and not use condoms. She absolutely shouldn't be having sex at all if she is not responsible enough to have safe sex.

XXcstatic · 16/05/2019 18:14

Iv never known anyone to get on well with the implant

That is just not true. Most women like it. And it has transformed many young women's lives by freeing them from the fear of pregnancy. 15 years ago, I used to see 1-2 patients a month - mainly young women - with an unwanted pregnancy while on the pill. Now I hardly every see that.

I am 100% pro-choice, but a termination is often a traumatic experience that I wouldn't want any teenager to go through unnecessarily. And it's not just the actual pregnancy risk, it's all the worry if you have missed a pill or taken it late, and the hassle of getting the morning after pill etc.

Every type of contraception has its downsides, and lots of women have had bad experiences with the Pill, and every other form of contraception (and every other medicine in the world too). The implant doesn't suit everyone, but it suits most people who take it.

123Helpus · 16/05/2019 18:21

100% id put her on it, I was having sex from 14. Couldn’t have ever spoken to my parents about it so lucky I never ended up pregnant. I’d have much preferred to have been able to be open/honest and safe! I will be doing the same with my daughter when the time comes. Either way you won’t stop them if that’s what they want to do. So best to protect her and make her feel comfortable enough to confide in you x

sonlypuppyfat · 16/05/2019 18:26

I may be completely mad but 14 and having sex ? My 14 year old plays with her rabbit and writes to her penpals. What a world we live in

FlorencesHunger · 16/05/2019 18:29

As far as I can remember she's able to get the pill or other kinds of contraception of her own free will, it would be nicer to have your support.

The pros for managing periods with periods and incase she does decide to dtd she is protected, but more than that it's habit forming for adult hood. View contraception management as a life skill to learn. Better to be ahead of the game and in no way its encouraging her to have underage sex.

Springwalk · 16/05/2019 18:30

sonly mine too. Where would they even find the time? Between homework, sports and hobbies.

PerkingFine · 16/05/2019 20:42

Perking I assume you had a typo as the age of consent is 16, not 14 in the UK

Yes I meant 16.

sweetkitty · 16/05/2019 21:09

I went on the pill at 16 for horrendous periods, my mother was appalled thought it would mean I would rush out and have sex. Didn’t lose my virginity until I was 19 and were now married.

DD1 is almost 15 and has a boyfriend they haven’t had sex yet she says she too scared and she’d tell me when she wants to go on the pill I would prefer her to wait until 16 just so she’s a bit more mature. DD2 is 13 but I won’t have to worry about her for a while.

I still have horrendous periods and am now on the mini pill and don’t have periods at all (the girls keep asking if they can take it) DH has also had a vasectomy.

XXcstatic · 16/05/2019 21:11

My 14 year old plays with her rabbit and writes to her penpals. What a world we live in

Hmm I've lost count of the number of pregnant teenagers I have seen whose mothers would have said the same. Teenagers mature at different rates, but any mother of a (NT) 14 year old who believes they are not thinking about sex is a complacent idiot. It's the kids of parents who are too complacent or too naice to believe that their teen might be sexually active who end up pregnant.

The OP is clearly a great mum, who is able to talk honestly to her DD about sex and who is taking steps to ensure she is safe.

HavelockVetinari · 16/05/2019 21:14

Don't go for the pill, the implant is much more effective - make sure she uses condoms though, no matter what he says he could infect her with an STD. Tell her to say she's just extra-careful if he complains (yes, I know no-one should sleep with someone who pressures them into sex without protection, but teenagers can be manipulative/easily manipulated).

sonlypuppyfat · 16/05/2019 21:36

XXcstatic I know what you are saying, but I never had a boyfriend until I was 17, my other dd who is 18 hasn't had a boyfriend. Not all girls are sex mad, and some girls know right from wrong and don't give themselves away

JacquesHammer · 16/05/2019 21:44

Not all girls are sex mad, and some girls know right from wrong and don't give themselves away

There’s some fine misogyny at play

FannyFeatures · 16/05/2019 21:47

sonlypuppyfat - it's nothing to do with being "sex mad" "knowing right from wrong" or "giving themselves away".

Sometimes teens get carried away and it's better to be open and help them be safe rather than being openly judgemental, all that achieves is a teen who can't talk to their parents!

DH and I have been together for 18 years, since we were 14. We had sex after around 6 months after a fair bit of sensible discussion with my Mum and my GP to ensure we were ready and safe.

Is it ideal? No. Would I encourage my daughter to do the same? No but I would support her if she came to me about it because I'd rather that than her leap into it for her own sake.

Pardonwhat · 16/05/2019 21:56

sonlypuppyfat

You’ve some serious issues.. the smallest one being the fact your daughter won’t just be playing with her rabbit and pen pals.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 16/05/2019 22:01

I think all teens are sex mad, it’s just that most of them don’t get the opportunity to do anything about it!

MajesticWhine · 16/05/2019 22:05

YANBU. It would be better to be realistic that sex will be happening at some point. Agree with those suggesting implant however I have teens who seem to have managed to remember to take the pill. Makes me nervous as hell, but they do realise if they miss a day it doesn't work. She can go to the GP and discuss what would be best, without you if she prefers.

Springwalk · 16/05/2019 22:09

In fairness to sonly there are some seriously misguided posts on here, I have to say I agree with sonly

For some reason this thread is just packed full of posts encouraging 14 year olds to have sex! Some girls are academic and not interested, some are sports mad and devoted to their sport. Others are knitters, crafters, shy, happy to be single.

The narrative that every girl at 14 is wanting or involved sexually is misguided and totally wrong. Maybe that is YOUR experience pardon but you certainly can not speak for everyone!! Confused

Surely at this age it is about emerging independence, adventure and finding themselves. Not latching onto boys and under age sex!

I had at least nine girls in my group, and none had sex before sixteen and many waited until they were ready at eighteen or beyond.

I encourage my son to take care of his body, have self respect and be discerning. I will say the same to my dd. Having standards and self respect is not a bloody negative!

So op, tell your dd to take her time. If he is older he could be prosecuted. Be aware that the age of consent is there for a reason.
Keep lines of communication wide open. No judgement. Encourage self respect and self care over sexual activity.

cupofteaandcake · 16/05/2019 22:12

I agree with Weeping, put her on the pill but make sure the message of no condom no sex is drummed in. Disappointed in how few posters are mentioning this and the more women push this message the more it will come main stream and the norm.