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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cut my nose off to spite my face just to make a point? Work related.

345 replies

QueenofmyPrinces · 16/05/2019 10:36

I’m feeling so torn about something that’s happening at work....

I’m a nurse and for the last 6 months I’ve been starting to implement a massive change to one of the services that we provide and it has got the potential to be something really amazing. It involves new policies being written, new care plans being created and it means giving some teaching to other members of staff and doctors - in other departments as well as my own. I’m doing it alongside my Manager but it’s my “baby” as such and implementing it and all the changes that go along with it is definitely above my pay grade. However, it’s something I’m really passionate about and so I have thrown myself into it.

A month or so ago there came an opportunity for a promotion so myself and two other nurses went for it. I was by far the most experienced and maybe I naively thought that all the work I’d been doing on the new project would earn me a step up the pay scale.

However, they gave the position to another nurse and although I really get on with him, he’s been qualified 10 years less than me, and is not particularly thought highly of by other staff in a professional capacity. As a person he’s a really nice guy, I socialise with him out of work sometimes with other colleagues and I generally have nothing against him.

I was understandably very hurt though when he got the job over me and although I know NHS interviews are points based and so he obviously said more buzz words in the interview than I did but it still feels so unfair.

My issue is that my Manager has been in touch to ask how far along I’ve gotten with implementing the new changes to the service that I’ve been working on and asking when we can meet up to discuss what my next steps are to getting the changes put into practice.

I honestly feel like telling her I’m done with it and that if I’m not deemed to be “senior staff material” then why should I be doing all this work for her benefit?

It sounds really petty I know. It just feels like I’m being taken advantage of and if there’s no reward or recognition for any of this work I’ve been doing then what’s the point?

I feel like telling her to have her newly appointed senior staff member do it because I don’t see why I should put myself out anymore (I know how childish I sound).

It’s so hard because it’s a project I’m passionate about but at the same time I just feel so angry.

My DH absolutely thinks I should tell them to shove it.

But am I cutting off my nose to spite my face by no longer doing something I’m passionate about just to make a point?

I don’t know. I feel confused and torn.

OP posts:
ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 29/05/2019 12:44

Ominous!!

MRex · 29/05/2019 13:33

If she complains about you asking the consultant for vacancies, "I'm just looking for career opportunities"; if necessary "It's not personal". If she's been caught out taking the credit for your work then really that's on her.

QueenofDarts · 29/05/2019 13:53

Have you heard from the consultant you emailed OP?

Should she not be making time to speak to you during your shift or is this impossible? standard to ask someone to come in early (and therefore do overtime) if need be?

Original poster
QueenofmyPrinces · 29/05/2019 13:57

Should she not be making time to speak to you during your shift or is this impossible? standard to ask someone to come in early (and therefore do overtime) if need be?

Seeing as she has me doing hours and hours of work in my own time at home I doubt asking me to come in half an hour earlier even registers on her radar of unfair expectations relating to overtime.... Grin

No I haven’t heard back from the Consultant. I’m guessing that’s what she wants to speak to me about though.

OP posts:
llangennith · 29/05/2019 13:57

Remember you have done nothing wrong, illegal or unprofessional.
Hope it goes well.

Original poster
QueenofmyPrinces · 29/05/2019 14:00

Thanks llangenith. I don’t actually feel nervous about seeing her because I’ve passed the point of not daring to challenge things now. Just because she’s senior to me doesn’t mean I have to agree with what she’s doing and just as she’s been looking out for number one, now it’s my time to do the same.

OP posts:
QueenofDarts · 29/05/2019 14:00

Well yes I was mindful of the extra hours you’ve been doing! Grin That’s one of the reasons why I think you need to raise a grievance, even if it’s just informally. Especially as it’s likely she now has an issue with you.

timeisnotaline · 29/05/2019 14:19

I think this was great advice - you could still send that email today adding I know we are cwtching up tomorrow - while I’m not sure what that’s about I think it’s worth flagging again these issues I raised.
I’d consider writing an email to your manager, cc’ing in her boss, confirming what you discussed at your meeting today and how you are concerned that you weren’t given any assurance that you’ll be given as requested (a) time during working hours to attend to the project work she expects you to do and (b) the opportunity to attend the meetings with the specialist team, by for example them committing to not scheduling them for your non-working days. I’d call it an informal grievance.

PCohle · 29/05/2019 14:27

I thought the project was OP's "baby" that she was "really passionate about" though. Now she's going to file an informal grievance about being expected to work on it? I think that would make it very clear to management that OP was only interested in the project as a springboard to promotion and has lost interest now that hasn't panned out.

timeisnotaline · 29/05/2019 14:35

You can have a baby and still expect a) time to work on it and b) not having someone else take all the recognition.

QueenofDarts · 29/05/2019 14:36

No PC Cohle she’d file a grievance about her manager having not changed anything after the OP previously said she’d like to be at the project meetings - reasonable as she’s done the work for them - and to be given time during working hours to do work for it rather than be expected by the manager to do it during her free evenings in a short time period. It’s not about her not doing the project, it’s about her work on it being respected.

That’s if the OP takes my advice which there is no sign she will.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 29/05/2019 14:43

I know we are cwtching up tomorrow

This typo amused me in context as I doubt either the OP or her manager are in the mood for a nice cuddle right now Grin

mummyhaschangedhername · 29/05/2019 14:54

Good luck tomorrow OP.

Original poster
QueenofmyPrinces · 29/05/2019 15:10

It is my baby, I am extremely passionate aboout it which is why I have been working so hard on it.

Just because it’s something that really matters to me doesn’t mean I should be taken advantage of. As has been said, the time and effort I have put into it should be acknowledged as opposed to just piling the work on me and then expecting me to just get on with it.

OP posts:
IABUQueen · 29/05/2019 15:14

Yes I think expecting recognition for hard work as well as to not be exploited are pretty standard.. I’m not sure what some pp are criticizing

PCohle · 29/05/2019 15:41

I just think that OP didn't seem to feel exploited or taken advantage of until she didn't get the promotion. Then all of a sudden this labour of love became her manager taking the piss.

Were I OP I would worry that the timing comes across as throwing her toys out of the pram over the promotion rather than raising legitimate concerns about the management of the project.

IABUQueen · 29/05/2019 15:52

Well OPhad an uncommunicated but reasonable expectation that her work was somehow going to get recognized and so was worth the sacrifice... it wasn’t...

Perhaps the first step would be to ask the manager: “can you reassure me of how my work and long hours will be recognized and contribute to my promotion?”

I think it’s a fair ask. And if it’s just seen as something she should do as part of her job and doesn’t warrant further recognition, then they should facilitate it within her working hours... and should’ve done so before as well.

RedTideBlues · 29/05/2019 16:04

You have got to go back to them and ask why you didn't make the grade. I would continue with the project because it will look good on your CV and on your end of year assessment for the next time that you go for promotion.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 29/05/2019 16:24

“Points from interview” is a strangely popular way of assessing people for promotion.

Both dh and I work in highly technical roles. From experience there is little to no correlation between how well someone interviews and how good they are at the job. Completely different skills. You may as well have a handstand competition and appoint the one with the most pointy toes!

I don’t know enough (well anything!) about nursing but I suspect there is some correlation but probably not that much.

Interestingly - after a series of expensive mistakes - dh’s team (it is currently rapidly expanding) now has a “test” that they get people to do as part of the interview. Apparently they once had someone so brilliant at interview that they were planning on offering him above the top of the pay scale. Unfortunately he failed the test so badly that dh muttered that it was a good job he’d switched the computer on at the beginning for the guy or he probably wouldn’t have managed that!

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 29/05/2019 16:25

Good luck tomorrow Op - let us know how you get on.

A cheery smile and a comment of “it’s nothing personal” is probably the way to go.

Happynow001 · 29/05/2019 16:52

Be calm and professional OP. Maybe work through/prepare some scenarios in your head prior to the meeting to mitigate any surprises which you may be presented with. 🌺

Purpleartichoke · 29/05/2019 16:55

It’s probably because I work with a lot of eccentric genius types, but I find the whole concept of interview points entirely bizarre.

timeisnotaline · 30/05/2019 10:34

How’d it go op?

Original poster
QueenofmyPrinces · 30/05/2019 11:31

I’m on a late shift today so just about to leave mine now. I will let you know what happened when I get back home tonight Smile

OP posts:
NoFucksImAQueen · 30/05/2019 13:12

good luck