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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To judge friend for leaving her children

345 replies

GuiltyJudging · 15/05/2019 13:10

NC and Dailymail are scum.

My best friend of 20 years has confided in me that she plans to leave her DH and DC in two weeks time, once the oldest DCs communion is out of the way.
She has organized a job relocation to a different part of the county and has paid a deposit for a little flat. She’s been planning this a while as she met someone (also married) through work and he plans to follow her when he ties up his loose ends.

She spent an hour on the phone after she’d “let me in on it” excitedly telling me about the decor she’d chosen and talking endlessly about the dress and shoes she’d chosen for a friends wedding next month and gushing about this arsehole who’s also leaving his wife and child.

It hasn’t exactly come from nowhere, even when she didn’t work she had them in full time childcare and never seemed to enjoy motherhood.

I consider myself a feminist but I’m so upset about this, her youngest is only 3.

AIBU to question a 20 year friendship over this?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 15/05/2019 13:14

I would completely judge her for this. Feminism doesn't have anything to do with abandonment of children. She and her new boyfriend sound a right pair.

HollowTalk · 15/05/2019 13:15

Does her husband know about this? I think I'd cut off the friendship and tell him.

GummyGoddess · 15/05/2019 13:15

I would not be able to be friends with someone who did that. I don't care if people think it's none of my business.

Reallybadidea · 15/05/2019 13:16

I couldn't be friends with someone who behaved like that. Male or female.

spanishwife · 15/05/2019 13:16

NC and Dailymail are scum.

Lol?? What's this going to achieve

SemperIdem · 15/05/2019 13:17

That’s appalling behaviour on her part. She’ll learn a hard lesson when the new love of her life does not in fact, tie up his loose ends, and fails to join her. Wish her the best of luck in her “little flat” after she’s destroyed her family for nothing.

PineapplesandtheGovernment · 15/05/2019 13:17

It's a horrible, damaging thing to do to kids and I'd say the same about a dad doing this

CareBear50 · 15/05/2019 13:17

They deserve each other!!!! Poor kids. Some people should not be allowed to have children. How sad. I would definitely judge her. In fact, I am just so angry about this. I wouldn't be able to hold my tongue and would tell her how angry I am

Pigeonpies · 15/05/2019 13:17

I wouldn't be friends with her and would be making her fully aware of that.

I'd also tell the husband immediately so he can at least prepare somewhat for his children being abandoned

Those poor children :(

Reallybadidea · 15/05/2019 13:18

Yeah, I'd tell the husband too, in the hope that the massive fall out will bring her to her senses before she goes through with it. I'm not sure how it could make things worse anyway

drspouse · 15/05/2019 13:19

I'd judge a father or a mother who did this, it's just more common for fathers to do this.
Less common to gush about decor and wedding outfits beforehand though.

Nodancingshoes · 15/05/2019 13:19

Her children will never get over this - you are not being unreasonable to question your friendship. I would probably cut her off tbh

bluebluezoo · 15/05/2019 13:21

She’s been planning this a while as she met someone (also married) through work and he plans to follow her when he ties up his loose ends

Yeah right Hmm.

Yes she’s an arse. Possibly slightly better than my “friend” who duped her husband into staying overnight with his parents, changed the locks, emptied the bank accounts and moved OM man in. Telling everyone it was because her husband treated her really badly. He was nearly suicidal as he was primary parent and weekend access just isn’t the same.

I never spoke to her again.

IvanaPee · 15/05/2019 13:21

Does her husband know?

Is she planning on seeing the dc EOW and paying maintenance?

HarryPottersSecretSister · 15/05/2019 13:21

YANBU. How awful. I'd judge her. Actually I do judge her - and him.

HollowTalk · 15/05/2019 13:21

DM are scum is put into the thread in an attempt to stop journalists from copying and pasting threads.

flirtygirl · 15/05/2019 13:22

I'd judge male and female who abandon children.

It's disgusting behaviour and nothing to do with feminism so not sure why you mentioned that. Feminism does not mean that as women we equal men's bad behaviour or that we act like men do.

HollowTalk · 15/05/2019 13:22

he plans to follow her when he ties up his loose ends

His loose ends are his wife and children! And I'd bet good money that he won't leave - he just wants a convenient shag pad.

SushiTime · 15/05/2019 13:22

Please tell dad, that poor little 3yo :(

spanishwife · 15/05/2019 13:22

HollowTalk They never link directly to the threads, and they can just copy from under that point... Just seems stupid!

GhostIsAGoodBoi · 15/05/2019 13:23

I dunno. Plenty of men do this without receiving any scorn.

Cloudyapples · 15/05/2019 13:24

PLEASE warn her partner so he can kick her out first.

ChuckleBuckles · 15/05/2019 13:24

She does understand that this bloke is not leaving his wife and kids for her, right? Wave her off and have nothing to do with her and her new life.

Poor kids and husband will need support, I hope they have lots of family around them.

Janus · 15/05/2019 13:24

That made me actually gasp, that a mother could leave a 3 year old child. I have never said before that someone should let another partner know but I think I actually would tell the partner and then never speak to the woman again. He at least has the chance to prepare the children (if you ever can).

shitholiday2018 · 15/05/2019 13:25

This is so sad. I would struggle to maintain a friendship with someone who apparently plans to abandon her kids without a backward glance. But it sounds like she needs sympathy rather than judgement, she must be incredibly unhappy and damaged to do this. But no, I wouldn’t be her friend after this.