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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I ruin brother's wedding?

324 replies

Saavhi · 14/05/2019 12:53

Last week my brother had a small gathering following his registration wedding (that I was not invited to- only parents and children attended). The venue where they had a sit-down meal was at the top of a very long, winding road. Unfortunately, this caused me to be sick right outside the hotel. Due to the state I was in there was no way I could go in. My half-brother jumped out and explained the situation. My dp and I found somewhere for me to collect myself out as I was still feeling poorly. I rang later in the day to apologise for my absence/wish them well.

On Sunday at my parent's house, my SIL told me I ruined "the most important day of her life" (imo not true as there will be a much larger destination wedding in July). We're not at all close and she doesn't appear to like me. I have heard her call me lazy for being a SAHM. I told her she was being ridiculous and to please move on. I said that I'm not going to keep apologising for something that was beyond my control.

They are offended that dp did not attend or ring (he was parking the car when my half-brother had them on the phone).

AIBU?

OP posts:
INeedAFlerken · 14/05/2019 15:36

I'm stunned at the number of nasty, unkind people on this thread.

OP wasn't invited to the ceremony, just the celebration bit. She wasn't drinking. She had had her hair done and dressed nicely, looking forward to the celebration. But then she was sick in the car after a bendy road, which happens without warning sometimes. Her dress reeked. Her hair reeked. And she had a weak bladder which contributed to the reeking as well. Of course she couldn't go in after that!

But that doesn't mean she ruined anything. It wasn't purposeful. And I'm sure she felt dreadful about it.

Honestly, how nasty some people are accusing her of all sorts.

Mcpheenanny · 14/05/2019 15:36

Only people that have never had travel sickness would berate someone for this. It's not just vomiting- you feel nauseous, tired, headachey and spacey. These feeling don't just go once you have vomited. Sitting in a moving car, seatbelt on means you can't move easily to stick head out of a window or into a carrier bag. Not only do you feel unwell but there is a feeling of panic too.

No way can you pull yourself together in an instant even if the vomit made the bag. Your sil (And many posters) are being very unreasonable!

HearMeSnore · 14/05/2019 15:40

As a life-long sufferer of car sickness you have my sympathy. I'd have done exactly the same. And I have to say the snippy replies don't exactly surprise me either because in my experience, some non-sufferers can be complete dicks about it. My MIL used to give me grief about how I was "always ill" whenever we went to see her. She moaned to DH that I was never very talkative, never wanted a cup of tea and seemed to just not want to be there. The reason for that was the hour-long drive full of stop/start junctions, winding country roads and bumpy lanes. No amount of Kwells could make that manageable. I'd arrive feeling like I'd been through a tumble drier and the last thing I needed was a fecking cup of tea! It was all I could do to keep my breakfast down.
So no. I don't think YABU. And your SIL is being utterly callous.

lilabet2 · 14/05/2019 15:40

Could it be that your SIL actually wanted you to feel bad about not being invited to the actual wedding itself? And by not attending the meal afterwards, she was unable to see you feeling upset? (even though it sounds like your real reaction was actually just one of being pleased for your DB and very understanding about the whole thing)?

I completely agree that you couldn't have gone in when covered in puke. Also with other posters who said that it might have been Norovirus, which could have made your family and friends very sick if you had gone inside, particularly if you carried on feeling sick all day.

lilabet2 · 14/05/2019 15:42

PS. Well done for not opening to window and spewing on passers by!

SandAndSea · 14/05/2019 15:49

I'm also stunned at how many unkind people are on this thread. Shit happens! Or, in this case, sick and wee.

OP, the good news is, you now know who your friends are.

Eliza9919 · 14/05/2019 15:51

This reply has been deleted

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lololove · 14/05/2019 15:53

No one would have known.

... exceptfor the very obvious stench of vomit putting everyone off their food and making it very uncomfortable for OP and everyone around her.

Dunno about you but the smell of vomit makes me want to vomit - same with the sight of other people vomiting. (very weak stomach!)

Lweji · 14/05/2019 15:55

And why couldn't you just wipe the sick from your hair with a baby wipe, put your hair up, wipe the sick off your clothes, which can hardly have been that much, and attend the wedding breakfast? You could then have covered it with a napkin. No one would have known.

I'd love to see you in the exact same situation. Wiping puke stained clothes and attending a function, while covering them with a napkin.

I still think you intended to have everyone talking about you rather than focus on the B&G.

Yes! Evil plan all along.
You seem very invested in making the OP seem rather devious.

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 15:56

I don't regularly leak wee, certainly not enough to necessitate needing a tena lady everyday. It just happens sometimes. It was just unfortunate that I had a full bladder and was vomiting very forcefully.

I still think you intended to have everyone talking about you rather than focus on the B&G

Christ, I'm not a psychopath. I HATE attention.

OP posts:
TheWernethWife · 14/05/2019 15:56

We took my mum out for what was supposed to be a treat for her as she was a great fan of the Queen. Took her to see Balmoral Castle and due to the state of the roads (windey and bendy) and the warm weather she vomited in the car, all over her clothes. She was very upset about this and we took her to Pitlochry and bought her new outfit, cleaned her up in the ladies and after cleaning the back seat, got her to have a lie down. She was in her 70s, had not been drinking and this was the very first time in her life this had happened.

Lweji · 14/05/2019 15:58

Why didn't you have a tena lady or whatever on then?

Have you tried puking with a weak bladder?

And, clearly, the OP didn't expect to vomit. Normal sneezing and coughing are much easier to control. Unless you are saying that she did expect to vomit. Hmm

Eliza9919 · 14/05/2019 15:59

I'd love to see you in the exact same situation. Wiping puke stained clothes and attending a function, while covering them with a napkin.

For my siblings wedding I would. Or I'd rinse it as best I could in the toilets and dry with the hand dryer.

EvilMorty · 14/05/2019 16:01

Eliza, if you think that the smell of sick can be covered with a napkin, you either stink or have no sense of smell.

Sparkletastic · 14/05/2019 16:01

Where do you go from here with SIL? She sounds like a drama queen who has been looking for a reason to have a go at you. If I were you I'd talk to your DB again - reiterate what happened and how sad you were to miss the meal - then leave it there. You don't owe SIL any kind of apology. Rather, she owes you one.

EvilMorty · 14/05/2019 16:01

Tbh I’d have been more inclined to go to a supermarket and buy a new dress.

Lweji · 14/05/2019 16:02

Would, could...
Easy to say, more difficult to do.

In any case, someone not attending is hardly wedding ruining material.

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 16:02

What sane person would voluntarily vomit on themselves in front of their partner and brother?

OP posts:
Contraceptionismyfriend · 14/05/2019 16:03

@Eliza9919 it wasn't the wedding. It was just food.

Original poster
Saavhi · 14/05/2019 16:04

Where do you go from here with SIL?

We don't live close to each other. We are usually happy to catch up at family events. I hope we can get past this, do not enjoy the tension between us.

OP posts:
Lweji · 14/05/2019 16:05

it wasn't the wedding. It was just food.

Yes. Clearly the OP wasn't important enough to be included in the wedding ceremony. They could have chosen a larger venue.
So, her absence from the meal afterwards could hardly be that much of an issue.

ThelilacsofParis · 14/05/2019 16:05

At least you now know that your new SIL is an unsympathetic cow and is not worth the bother.

fatbrows · 14/05/2019 16:08

You should ask her what she would have done differently as to not cause offence

Eliza9919 · 14/05/2019 16:09

@Contraceptionismyfriend Tue 14-May-19 16:03:44
@Eliza9919 it wasn't the wedding. It was just food.

It was the wedding breakfast. The celebration of the wedding. Not just food.

Nanamilly · 14/05/2019 16:09

PS. Well done for not opening to window and spewing on passers by!

Im wondering how people manage to puke out of a car window and not be decapitated or have splash back from the wind make them look pebble dashed.

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