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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DM to leave and struggle by myself.

128 replies

Februaryblooms · 13/05/2019 11:09

I've been ordered to rest and get better after my health took a battering following a hospital stay. (I had sepsis after giving birth among other infections and now I'm home I keep picking up viral infections because my immune system is compromised), im also on beta blockers for panic attacks, am anemic and fatigued following a blood transfusion - basically I look and feel like total shit.

I feel as though I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown and don't quite understand what's going on with my body or mind at the moment.

DP was great with the night feeds the first week whilst we were in hospital but now we're home he's spending the night time playing call of duty rather than being quick to tend to the baby, so I haven't had much if any chance to rest since I came home.

He goes back to work tomorrow so that's my day time support gone.

My DM has spent the past two days at my place to help out with my two DC (16 months and newborn) whilst I recover in bed, except every time my baby or toddler starts crying I can hear her moaning and complaining to herself. She is a moaner in general but this is driving me nuts because it's about my children who are just making their needs known.

"Oh come on"
"For god sake"
"What's the problem now"
"What do you neeeeeed"
"Oh for fuck sake"
"God almighty"

^ this on loop, every time they cry.

My poor toddler is stuck in his travel cot and shes wondering why hes whinging. My DP is comatose after being on call of duty all night.

I'm up after no sleep and getting stressed that I'm not strong enough to be doing everything. It's all a big mess.

WIBU to just ask her to leave? I don't know how I'll manage without her but no help has gotta be better than help that is stressing me out. I've found myself up doing everything in the night anyway even though I have 'help' and then they wonder why I'm not getting better

OP posts:

KM99 · 13/05/2019 12:24

First thing I'd be doing is telling DP to get off the games and pull his weight. You are recovering from a lot and he's taking the piss.

Your DM sounds stressful. Is there someone else who can help you through the day?

KissUntilTheyDieOfRabies · 13/05/2019 12:26

Your DP should be stepping up here. If he's off for parents leave and/or to look after you, then that's what he should be doing.

5foot5 · 13/05/2019 12:29

Maybe your DM is pissed off because she can see your DP not pulling his weight.

Outnotdown · 13/05/2019 12:29

If your dp was doing what he should, you would have no need of your mother. I would ask your mother to leave, and have a very frank discussion with him.

Gingernaut · 13/05/2019 12:30

Agree with previous posters, your 'D'P is completely taking the piss.

People come before games. If he's playing games to the point of exhaustion, he (and you) have bigger problems than your 'D'M moaning.

ThePerturbedPenguin · 13/05/2019 12:30

What does your DP say when you ask what the fuck he’s playing at?? Presuming you have? It’s him who is massively letting you down.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 13/05/2019 12:30

How old is your DM? Presumably she is older and tired too. Your dp is the one who deserves your anger here. He needs to shape up and stay off the computer games.

Lifeover · 13/05/2019 12:31

First thing to do is tell DH to stop playing computer games and help with the kids (if he keeps playing through it in the bin.

Second tell your DM to put up or shut up.

Get yourself some psychological help. Tell your health visitor youre at risk of developing ptsd or symptoms of ptsd and need help/monitoring. You are out of hospital because you no longer need hospital care it does not mean you are well. Those around you need to get it together

justilou1 · 13/05/2019 12:32

Why the actual fuck are you breeding with someone who thinks it’s okay to play computer games while his wife is sick and her mother is looking after HIS children?

PlaygroupDilema · 13/05/2019 12:34

Wtf is your DP doing gaming all night?!

That's the biggest problem here.

I agree though that your mum shouldn't be voicing her frustration. Have you told her how it's making you feel?

I hope you feel better soon

HappyHammy · 13/05/2019 12:35

Do you have a dad or inlaws who could visit and tell your dh to get his arse off the games and start helping.

SoyDora · 13/05/2019 12:37

Maybe she’s hoping your ‘D’P will heat her struggling and get up and take over caring for his own children?

Chippychipsforme · 13/05/2019 12:37

I'd keep your mum there but chuck out the lazy arse useless partner. He's your problem, your mum is probably frustrated at looking after everyone else while he sits on his bum acting like a 14 year old.

Prequelle · 13/05/2019 12:37

I would ask them both to leave.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/05/2019 12:42

Agree that your DP is the problem here. Why on earth haven't you called him out on this already?

Totally understand your Mum being hacked off if she's picking up HIS slack.

Hope you feel better soon.

justforthis7 · 13/05/2019 12:44

It sounds like your DP is much more of a problem than your DM?

bigbadbadger · 13/05/2019 12:44

If I was your DM I would be aiming my cursing at your DP not the DC! WTF is he playing at? Why does he think his MIL should look after his DC?

Merryoldgoat · 13/05/2019 12:46

Your partner sounds utterly useless.
Your mum sounds annoying but is it just her way of getting her frustration out? Is she actually being kind to the children? Have you spoken to her about it properly?

My DH and I both love computer games. I have a game I’ve been desperate to get into since the start of mat leave. I’ve played it once. My baby is 15 months. There is no time for that shit when you have a sick partner and a newborn baby.

Was he like this last time?

Alsohuman · 13/05/2019 12:46

Your mum must be so pissed off with your partner. He’s your problem, not her.

toomuchtooold · 13/05/2019 12:46

Is he on PS4 for the CoD? I can tell you how to delete his save progress if you want. Honestly he's taking the absolute piss.

DramaRamaLlama · 13/05/2019 12:47

Sounds like your DM is passively aggressively swiping at your DH. And I can't say I blame her.

IHateUncleJamie · 13/05/2019 12:52

You don’t have a DM problem, you have a DP problem. Asking your Mum to leave is counter productive. She probably doesn’t realise she’s grumbling and I expect she’s more pissed off with your DP than the children.

You’re poorly, exhausted and stressed and when I’m like that I pick up on and suck in other people’s moods. It’s hard not to but it’s not fair on them, they’re entitled to have a grumble. Perhaps say “Mum, you ok?” when she’s doing it. If she is, trust her and maybe put headphones in and have a nap.

You need to have a SERIOUS word with your partner though. He sounds like a selfish fuckwit. They’re his children, not your Mum’s and he needs to step up.

Prequelle · 13/05/2019 12:54

I couldn't imagine leaving my mum to take care of my kids whilst my partner played games and slept. What a pisstake

WalkingDownMadison · 13/05/2019 12:57

Have you got a (usually) good relationship with your mother?

Sometimes after having children, these things come to our attention or even a head .

Frankly, she is being horrible to your baby/toddler, and its no excuse.

Who says that kinda stuff ?

Poor you having to listen to this. But no help is better than a sweary, resentful, unpleasant presence (IMHO).

GarnierBBCream · 13/05/2019 12:57

Dear god, another fucking gaming 'DP' who leaves the donkey work to the women and you are complaining about your mother?

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