I agree with a lot of the points about education. It's not an explicit teaching of etiquette etc, it's just a completely different level of expectation of behaviour. I remember watching one of those life swap programmes based around a rough state school and an elite boarding school, and yes much of it was staged, but the most interesting contrast/moment for me was when one of the boys from the "poor" school was standing with some of the private school boys and absent mindedly started chewing on the string from his hoodie. Almost automatically, one of the other boys reached up, pulled it out of his mouth and said something like "Don't do that, it makes you look stupid." It was the fact he had the confidence to make a comment like that without thinking he was going to get his head kicked in, the fact he felt this was important/valuable information to share (it is) and the fact he noticed it gave a negative impression in the first place. Hoodie boy just looked totally stunned for a moment and you could tell he didn't quite know what to do in response but then accepted it.
Meanwhile state schools are in constant "petty" battles over uniform etc - which I agree is petty, BTW, and a lot of state schools have far more urgent things to worry about but appearance does have some bearing over people's first impression of you.
I totally feel I was let down by my state school and family background career guidance. Nobody I knew (except perhaps my uncle in the Navy, but that never interested me) had a career and I had absolutely nothing on which to base any of the information I was receiving so none of it really made the slightest bit of sense. My parents would absolutely think I had made it if I had a mediocre office job. DH's family does. I've never had anything close to that, despite being a straight-A pupil at school. All the potential, no direction. I went in the direction of art/graphics because that was what I liked doing, but I floundered at that because I'm neither outstanding at art, nor did I have the other skills/knowledge necessary to navigate a career. So I went into social science because it was interesting. That was a step closer, but it took me until I was about 25 to gain an inkling that all this time everything has pointed to maths/physics being my strong point and I should have been going in that direction and finding out what would have fit my interests there, rather than looking in the direction of my interests and trying to develop skills based on that. I was 28 by the time I really pulled that together, but I was still totally clueless about what I should have actually been doing with it. It is only really through seeing DH have a career and having friends with real grown up jobs that I'm starting to understand how companies work (which would have been fantastically useful to know at 16, when I was supposed to be planning a career) that I've realised the field I should have been aiming for all along, and then it hit me - I had had this mentioned/suggested/pointed out to me at 16 but because I had no foundation on which to base it, it didn't click into place or make sense, so at that time it was useless to me and I discarded it. I'm 30 and the career advice stuff only makes vague sense now because of third hand experience of jobs I've never had. And work experience was useless. You can only get in somewhere you know someone which once again means it's based on things you're probably already fairly familiar with. I'm not really blaming anyone for this BTW but I can absolutely see that there is a different playing field or starting point or whatever you want to call it, based on how you grew up.
It's so embarrassing to have this lack of knowledge at 30. Especially living abroad, so you come across people with such a different experience. OK, it's not quite the same, because people who have emigrated tend to be higher paid/higher educated, so I'm not comparing like with like, but even the local system is so different. We've just got DS1 into a state secondary school which has the most fantastic standard of education and such a massively different feeling, a huge pride and confidence and status that I've never come across at a UK state school. I just hope we can support him with it. Dunno what to do about my own now. I doubt we can afford for me to study so I'll just have to lump it probably. In the meantime I'm focusing on perfecting my language skills for this country.