Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend gave me her rubbish. AIBU to feel so hurt by this?

333 replies

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 12/05/2019 15:15

I've been struggling more for money the last few months. I am not broke but I have to really watch what I spend and budget.

A friend bought round some unwanted supplies as she knew I am short this month. I was really touched by her kindness at first but was then a bit shocked to find that all the food was out of date, opened or manky. She has very high standards on food so I'm amazed she could have found most of it acceptable.

The bread was mouldy, some of the jars were opened or way past their use by date, the vegetables were way past their best. From the two large bags of supplies she gave me only 2 items were not put straight in the bin after she left.

I feel really upset and let down by her. I can't believe she didn't notice it was all rubbish except for two obscure food items that I'll probably never use.

AIBU to want to end the friendship over this? It feels like I'm overreacting but I just feel so hurt she gave me two bags of rubbish and I thanked her so much.

OP posts:
DiseasesOfTheSheep · 12/05/2019 21:34

Weird. She sounds like a proper twit.

Is your "activity" a horse? Just curious as non-horsey people do tend to see them as an expense (which they are) while horsey people tend to see them as a way of life, and not to be picked up and dropped when it suits!

trixiebelden77 · 12/05/2019 21:45

My goodness how unbelievably mean. What an unpleasant person to have made an effort to be so nasty.

I’m surprised at the posters who in their rush not to ‘ascribe malicious intent’ inadvertently revealed that they find it normal to have so much out of date or mouldy food in their homes that bagfuls of it could be produced ‘by mistake’.

Branleuse · 12/05/2019 21:51

fwiw since i seem to have an abundance of messages in my inbox from people @ mentioning me and how terrible a person I am Grin Ive never given anyone mouldy or shrivelled up food, but I have given opened things, and things that might be out of date to someone who regularly says he hasnt eaten that day. I also have given opened stuff to my neighbour, my mum, and vice versa. I dunno, maybe im just poorer than you lot, or lived differently, but it never occurred to me that it was mega offensive or dehumanising. I genuinely thought I was giving them something to eat, and getting rid of some stuff that it didnt look like I was going to get through. I am a bit oblivious to some social faux pas though

Saying that, with OPs update, and it being some sort of weird statement/joke , I find that rather bizarre.

cabcab · 12/05/2019 22:03

@Branleuse you give give give, but you've never mentioned any other than one person previously?

BTW I've not privately messaged you, I'd rather people see what I say. Not sure that people would privately message you, why would they?

But as your such a giving person to everyone, you must be shocked at the abundance of PMs!Hmm

Erythronium · 12/05/2019 22:04

Her calling it a joke just gives her cover for being nasty, adding insult to injury in other words. So what if you said something about throwing jam away, she collected rubbish to give to you pretending to be helpful when she just wanted to spite you and put you in your place. The two things are on completely different levels.

What a shame you have to see her 2-3 times a week. That sounds really unpleasant.

Original poster
MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 12/05/2019 22:07

We've been exchanging a few angry texts this last hour and I'm fairly sure it's sorted as much as it can be. It's cleared the air a bit.

Apparently if someone can afford a ridiculously expensive activity (it isn't), has wealthy family (retired, on a pension) and no debt (spent years clearing it) then they should want to help their friends out.

We earn the same amount but because I cleared my debt it doesn't matter. I think I'm better than them and lord it over them all the time.

I'm not the Shiny Bank . I made that clear.

OP posts:
MushroomTree · 12/05/2019 22:09

I work in a job where we accept donations from the public for our clients. You'd be amazed what some people give and take the opinion that if our clients are desperate enough they'll be happy with any old crap. We seem to be an alternative to going to the local tip Hmm

Erythronium · 12/05/2019 22:12

Apparently if someone can afford a ridiculously expensive activity (it isn't), has wealthy family (retired, on a pension) and no debt (spent years clearing it) then they should want to help their friends out.

So now she's an expert on your finances and has a view on how you should spend your money? Unbelievable.

Can't believe all the idiots on this thread trying to pretend that this couldn't be malicious and anybody who could see it for what it had the wrong outlook on life.

Ayemama · 12/05/2019 22:14

How could anyone think that that was funny? It’s just pathetic and insulting.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 12/05/2019 22:15

Funny how you're a right cow but your money is perfectly welcome, isn't it Grin

In a less facetious note, sorry OP; this can't be very nice to go through/hear.

FraggleRocking · 12/05/2019 22:16

This friendship (if you can call it that) is toxic. Stop texting and create some distance. If you must see her in the future, keep it polite and civil but nothing more.

TheInvestigator · 12/05/2019 22:19

If they already feel resentful over you being in a better financial position then i can see why she'd get annoyed about you going on about a jar of jam. You're in a better position because you budget and stick to it, and you should be proud of that. If she won't budget and stick to it then that's her problem and not yours, but you really didn't need to go on and on about bloody jam. You said you don't want to admit what you said and how much you went on about it so I'm guessing it was more than one passing comment? And you actually had a proper go and then brought money into it (her wasting it etc) so it sounds like she was probably feeling the same way you did when you opened those bags. And it's spiralled.

Hope you can sort it out and both learn not to go on at one another for their choices... and they need to learn not to ask for money! But the joke she played just isn't funny and certainly worse than your comments.

Mammatino · 12/05/2019 22:24

She is a bitch. Your money is yours to spend on whatever you like, you earn it, you budget and you don't waste it on £8 pots of jam you lob out. They aren't entitled to any of your hard earned cash and if you choose to spend it on funding unicorn lassooing trips that's your business. Horrible jealous witch. Get some new friends who don't play nasty hurtful school bully pranks on you.

BabyBadger2 · 12/05/2019 22:40

Ok, so she’s annoyed with you because (in her eyes) you behave as though you’re on the bread line when you’re not. And you’ve criticised her for throwing away money/food when, as she sees it, you do the same on your expensive activity.

It sounds as though this is a definite dig and that she doesn’t think you’re struggling at all. If she thought you were, then she wouldn’t have done it, I hope?

Still not funny, but it does make more sense now!

TanMateix · 12/05/2019 22:40

OP, I really hope you find the strength to walk away of such toxic “friendship”. Friends do not such shit things to each other even to teach you a lesson, you do not need such nasty people around you. Not at all.

Original poster
MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 12/05/2019 22:44

I really don't think it's funny. My 'friend' thinks its hilarious but has offered a weak apology of sorts. I have no sense of humour and can't take a joke.

I've had issues before with people wanting to borrow/have money from me and had difficulties getting it back. I refused to lend people at all for ages but relaxed this stance. I'm not sure why people think I'm wealthy.

It's not horses. It's massage and holistic therapy. I find it really beneficial. I don't really see it as any different than spending money on hair or nails.

OP posts:
Jenwiththecurls · 12/05/2019 22:50

@Erythronium
Can't believe all the idiots on this thread trying to pretend that this couldn't be malicious and anybody who could see it for what it had the wrong outlook on life.

Before the OP’s updates, I think it would have been reasonable to assume that it could be a mistake. People were just pointing out how quick posters are to assume negative motivations based on so little information.

Based on the updates it’s clearly a simmering resentment - and the OP has said several times that she overreacted about the jam and went on about it so is not blameless.

I do wonder if the friend came on and described the jam incident, how many posters would be referring to the OP as the bitch, telling friend to cut contact, or even instructing her to take a mouldy bag of food over to the OP’s (people do suggest some really spiteful things on AIBU!)

TheInvestigator · 12/05/2019 22:50

Ah ok. Massage is one of those things which is at the bottom of most people's priorities. It's a luxury item, and you don't tend to get massages if you're on the breadline so if you're complaining about being skint but having a massage each weekend, I think I would get a bit eye-rolly listening to you. But still wouldn't play what is a very cruel "joke".

However, if massage is a staple for you then it's like people who are a pub lunch as a staple and she wouldn't judge them in the same manner.

BogglesGoggles · 12/05/2019 22:53

I agree that she’s been a bit mean and immature but it also sounds like you both just don’t get on. I think it may be worth letting this friendship go.

Original poster
MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 12/05/2019 22:54

TheInvestigator - that's pretty much it.

I was annoyed she was moaning about money again yet not doing anything to sort out the issue.

OP posts:
WitchesGlove · 12/05/2019 23:12

Has she got poor eyesight by any chance?

Maybe she didn’t realise

Nanny0gg · 12/05/2019 23:21

Maybe she didn’t realise

But she did...

FilledSoda · 12/05/2019 23:25

She obviously derives pleasure from hurting you to put so much effort into it.
Who needs friends like that ? Confused

WellThisIsShit · 12/05/2019 23:34

Oh dear. Well, to be honest, I’d be as upset as you, but it’s difficult to know why it happened and whether it was careless or thoughtlessness, or she made a mistake or what on earth happened!

If your friend is generally a very good friend, I’d try not to rip it up over this. But if she’s not, well...

Flowers
WellThisIsShit · 12/05/2019 23:37

Ah, scrap that, hadn’t updated my webpage!

What a shower of idiots! Them, not you, clearly. Step back, well back.

What utter... well, too rude to say what I want to say actually Blush

Swipe left for the next trending thread