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Original poster

How to get rid of neighbors kid!!

152 replies

AnnaSteen · 12/05/2019 13:30

We live in a small estate, about 3 years now and get on fine with our neighbors in that we drop round a Christmas card and say hello when we see them - they sometimes take in parcels for us as they are usually at home and we work in the city. They have kids And the youngest is around 10. We don’t as we’re only early 30’s! We have friends who live nearby who come to visit frequently with their DD who has just turned 3. Recently the neighbor girl has started knocking to come up when they come to visit to play with the little girl or just comes straight into our garden from the side gate. She stands on a ladder looking into our garden to see who is there and if it’s the child visiting shouts can she come over. We didn’t know what to do the first two times - one of which she let herself in. They’re coming to visit us later today and the girl has already been on her ladder looking into our garden!!! I want to stop this before it goes any further but don’t know how and also don’t want to fall out with neighbors (although I can hear them in the garden too while she’s looking over our hedge from the top of a ladder and feel it’s a bit ridiculous they don’t tell her to get down!) any advice? Myself & DH are not good with confrontation! We feel like we’re being held hostage in our own home by a ten year old!!! Last week we told our friends we’d go to them instead as she was hovering around our driveway like she had a 6th sense we were planning to meet! I’m fed up with it!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 12/05/2019 13:33

Does the three year old not like playing with her? I'm not sure of the issue. Clearly peering over the hedge isn't ok, but saying no not today or yes but just for thirty mins is fine. Unless the three year old has a problem with it?

ShaggyRug · 12/05/2019 13:33

Just send her home surely? Say sorry but we’ve got guests so you can’t come over right now/you need to go home now.

TheInvestigator · 12/05/2019 13:35

Does your friend's child want to play? Does it annoy your friends?

If they don't want her playing with the girl then just tell her "sorry honey, we're having some family time right now so you need to play in your own garden". If she doesn't leave then call your neighbours over and say the same thing.

NannyRed · 12/05/2019 13:57

Just say “no, we have visitors.”

Why can’t you tell a child you don’t want her there? You’re adults! Ffs, no wonder so many people get taken advantage off if they act like mugs, someone will treat them like mugs. Tell her “our guests come to see us, not you.”

Original poster
AnnaSteen · 12/05/2019 14:00

I guess we are afraid she’ll go crying back to her parents saying we won’t let her play and it will start off some bad feeling... the 3 year old is too young to play independently with a 10 year old. It’s ended up being us adults trying to entertain the neighbors child and encourage play I.e why don’t you throw the ball to X, why don’t you play hide and seek - ok we will help you hide and hide with you etc. last time our friends went home about 20 mins in as we were all fed up. It’s different if they are going specifically for a play date but these visits are adults visiting adults and they bring their DD along too. The 3 year old loves jigsaws so we have a stash of them at our house so they’ll usually call in for an hour, she’ll do jigsaws and we’ll have a coffee and a chat!

OP posts:
Antigon · 12/05/2019 14:00

Yep, something like 'Sorry lovely, but we have visitors and can't play.'

The parents are CF for allowing it so don't feel embarrassed.

Original poster
AnnaSteen · 12/05/2019 14:02

I know it sounds ridiculous but we both grew up in the countryside so having neighbors is a new one for us and we love the house and would hate for an atmosphere to sour things!

OP posts:
IAmTheChosenOne · 12/05/2019 14:03

The ladder thing ? I'd be asking the parents to move that, you value your privacy and don't want to be spied upon. Although I assume you mean a ladder to a slide ? Ask for it to be moved away from your boundary.

Let her self on - shoo her back out.

Ask to come round ? say 'no'

Copperandtod · 12/05/2019 14:04

Are you in the house or in the garden?

TigerBreadAddict · 12/05/2019 14:05

Some perfectly polite phrases you could use:
Sorry you can’t come and play today.
Hello, what are you doing here? You need to go home now
How did you get in, when you visit here you need to knock on the front door and see if it’s a good time to visit
Sorry we’re not playing today
Sorry X not today, you need to go home now
X please stop peeping into our garden (or preferably ignore the peeping if you can)

LillithsFamiliar · 12/05/2019 14:06

Just say the 3 -yr-old has to stay inside today and can't play with the 10-yr-old.
Or put the jigsaws out on a blanket in the garden and let the two DCs play together without lots of adult involvement.
I don't think the neighbour is being deliberately difficult. Most DCs like playing with other DCs rather than listening to adults talking.

Boysey45 · 12/05/2019 14:08

Early 30s isn't young to have a family.All my friends had teens by this age.
Just say to the girl that your doing things as a family and to stop peering over the hedge because you are scared she will fall. Just keep saying no and she'll get the message.

Bluntness100 · 12/05/2019 14:16

last time our friends went home about 20 mins in as we were all fed up

After twenty minutes?? That's the most oddly intolerant thing I've ever read. Surely you just say we are going to have some family time now, so time to go home, thanks for visiting.

To leave after twenty mins is downright odd.

HennyPennyHorror · 12/05/2019 14:16

I have a DD just turned 11 and I can't IMAGINE her or any of her friends acting like this!

I think...knowing lots of pushy kids...that you need to say "Sorry X, you can't come to play today...off you go!"

No excuses needed. She's arude child. You don't owe her an explanation...or even an apology...but "GO AWAY" is probably a bit strong. Grin

Original poster
AnnaSteen · 12/05/2019 14:17

@boysey in my friend group it is - college / careers / travel took up most of the 20’s and most of us are only married 2-3 years and any kids are 3 and under. The neighbors are late 49’s/50’s - their eldest kids are 18-20. So different to having neighbors who are also early 30’s but had children young. Thanks for the responses! Will suck it up and say no today and hope the neighbors don’t mind! I wonder how it works when you say no every time though 🙈

OP posts:
Acis · 12/05/2019 14:19

I guess we are afraid she’ll go crying back to her parents saying we won’t let her play and it will start off some bad feeling

Maybe tell them it's the 3 year old's parents who won't allow it, if they make a fuss?

quizqueen · 12/05/2019 14:22

Put a lock on side gate straight away, tell her parents you don't appreciate their child looking over the hedge to see if guests are there ( put up extra trellis, if necessary and say why) and say, 'no', you don't want extra children round to play, thank you, when you have people round. This is what you should have done the first time it happened; it's always more difficult afterwards to change habits. The neighbour's child is obviously bored but you are not the entertainment.

QueenofallIsee · 12/05/2019 14:22

Well the ladder business is ridiculous! You need to ask the parents to respect your privacy and only the most thick skinned of people will not understand that! Simply ‘no we have guests’ each time is more than sufficient! Your neighbours child is bored but that is not you responsibility

Original poster
AnnaSteen · 12/05/2019 14:24

@bluntness we al grew up in the countryside (they still live countryside) so it’s our first interaction dealing with neighbors and neighbors kids - that’s why I posted on here about what it is / isn’t ok to say...

OP posts:
longtimelurkerhelen · 12/05/2019 14:25

Dot the 3 year olds face with red lipstick and tell the 10 year old she is contagious! Grin

Just kindly tell her it is not convenient. If she cries to her parents, that is their problem. She shouldn't be looking over your fence, maybe have a word with the ndn.

Waveysnail · 12/05/2019 14:27

I have a 10 year old who is an amazing babysitter to me friends 3 year old when we go to their house. If your not happy then send her home.

Innersmellbow · 12/05/2019 14:30

I found using the word time was very helpful in getting kids to follow a request.

So - it's time to go home now. Or - you can't come round this time.

It's time to stop looking over our fence.

ohtheholidays · 12/05/2019 14:31

If she trys to come in again tell her she needs to go home.

If she says she's there to play with your friends DC say she's to young and tell the neighbours little girl she needs to go home.

When she's standing on the ladder watching you(I wouldn't like that myself and I have 5DC)tell her she needs to get down because she could hurt herself!

Hopefully if the parents hear that it will give them enough of a kick up the arse to realize that they shouldn't be letting her climb the ladder!

my2bundles · 12/05/2019 14:33

If the child comes round take them home and tell the parents what's been happening and it's not convenient. The child should understand boundaries at 10.

GruciusMalfoy · 12/05/2019 14:34

Get your own ladder and start pestering her parents about what they're doing, and who's visiting them today.

Or just say, "sorry not today".