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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to get rid of neighbors kid!!

152 replies

AnnaSteen · 12/05/2019 13:30

We live in a small estate, about 3 years now and get on fine with our neighbors in that we drop round a Christmas card and say hello when we see them - they sometimes take in parcels for us as they are usually at home and we work in the city. They have kids And the youngest is around 10. We don’t as we’re only early 30’s! We have friends who live nearby who come to visit frequently with their DD who has just turned 3. Recently the neighbor girl has started knocking to come up when they come to visit to play with the little girl or just comes straight into our garden from the side gate. She stands on a ladder looking into our garden to see who is there and if it’s the child visiting shouts can she come over. We didn’t know what to do the first two times - one of which she let herself in. They’re coming to visit us later today and the girl has already been on her ladder looking into our garden!!! I want to stop this before it goes any further but don’t know how and also don’t want to fall out with neighbors (although I can hear them in the garden too while she’s looking over our hedge from the top of a ladder and feel it’s a bit ridiculous they don’t tell her to get down!) any advice? Myself & DH are not good with confrontation! We feel like we’re being held hostage in our own home by a ten year old!!! Last week we told our friends we’d go to them instead as she was hovering around our driveway like she had a 6th sense we were planning to meet! I’m fed up with it!

OP posts:

Smallereveryday · 12/05/2019 14:34

How on earth do you amuse a 3 yr old if you don't interact ??? Surely by herself she is even more of a distraction to you and your friends chatting?

BarbarianMum · 12/05/2019 14:37

Honestly, grow a spine. If you don't like it, or want it today, just say so - kindly but firmly. Our neighbour's little girl often asks to cone over to see our chickens. Sometimes we say yes, sometimes it's not convenient so we say no. There are no hard feelings either way.

Tinkerbell89 · 12/05/2019 14:38

Put a bolt on the side gate so she can't let herself into your garden. I think you need to have a chat with the neighbour's about privacy and when you have guests she won't always be able to come play as you want to have grown up chat and relax. You just need to be firm with her and tell her she can't visit today but may be another time. Don't promise anything. Could you put some more fencing up so she can't see over? Is it your wall/fence or theirs? Unfortunately it's likely a case the parents don't care as they aren't giving her attention & you are so she comes back and it gives them peace abd quiet. It needs to be stopped before it becomes difficult to.

IceniSky · 12/05/2019 14:40

We have the exact same issue but do have a child. But next doors children stand on the top of a climbing frame, which is against our fence and watch us, or call for DC. They call into our house from the frame if we open our backdoors, even for me or DH. We eat outside and they watch us. I've picked them up on it but it doesnt stop them.

GertrudeCB · 12/05/2019 14:43

Put your foot down or you will be this kids hostage.

WillLokireturn · 12/05/2019 14:44

You asked because you haven't had NDN before and don't know if this is normal.

It isn't.

The peeping over using a ladder is ridiculous. She's hassling you and invading your privacy.
No to anyone child or adult on a ladder peering into your garden... Or letting themselves into your garden!

"Sweetie, stop peeping into out garden, please get down and leave us be"
"No sweetie, we have visitors and we want time with them"
"No thankyou"
"If little Zoe wants to play with you, we'll come and knock at your door to ask"
" Sally, how did you get into our back garden? You can't just come into our garden without knocking at our front door and asking us if it's ok. Off you go back home"

And let your NDN know that she is doing this, you've not invited her and it's intrusive.

They are people, adults, who are perfectly capable of curbing their Dd's over friendliness and intrusive invasion of your time with visiting friends and lives.

Please get a bolt for your back garden gate too.

TheInvestigator · 12/05/2019 14:45

@Smallereveryday

When my boys were 3, they would happily sit and do a jigsaw alone or look through a picture book and laugh at funny picture. So I could leave them doing that in the corner and chat with my friends. But if a friend brought an older child, I needed to supervise because the 3 year old wasn't developed enough to understand what the older child was trying to do (and older children don't always tailor their imaginative play to the level of a 3 year old). If an older child was playing, I would need to help my 3 year old play with them. Much easier without that.

TheInvestigator · 12/05/2019 14:47

OP, you need you just tell the girl that's it's not playtime at your house so she needs to go home. Even if you're all out in the garden and she sees you, you just say "no no, it's not playtime over here. We are having a visit on our own so you need to go home/get down from the ladder".

You will not be the rude ones. Her parents are the rude ones. Just keep sending her home. I would speak to the parents and tell them to put a stop to it but I don't think you will do that.

WillLokireturn · 12/05/2019 14:47

Being friendly with neighbours does not include losing all your boundaries, privacy nor mean you are obliged to entertain their child , regardless of whether you have visitors who have a child or not!
Friendly with neighbours is saying hello, maybe having a drink or coffee together sometimes... Looking out for burglars... it doesn't mean free child care or mandatory play dates !

KurriKurri · 12/05/2019 14:47

'no sorry - we've got visitors today' is the phrase to keep repeating. If the child's parents say anything say 'oh sorry we can;t look after 'ten year old's name' this afternoon, we've got friends over.' make it clear that you consider their child turning up as unrequited childcare.
It doesn;t matter of other people think you should accomodate this child or that she could play with the three year old 'whats' the problem bla blah blah' you don;t want her there when you have friend's round, it's your home, you don;t have to have random kids round uninvited when it doesn't suit you.
Your neighbours know damn well the child is being a pain, they think they can cadge some free childminding from you under the guise of their child playing with the toddler - it's really rude, and they shouldn't be allowing her to pester you and definitely not let herself in.
The parents and the child have sussed you out as someone who struggles to say no, and they are taking advantage.

No normal person thinks neighbours want their ten year old turning up uninvited when they've got guests.

Innersmellbow · 12/05/2019 14:52

Is it like this op?

woolduvet · 12/05/2019 14:53

Lock on the gate
Ignore the door
Water the plants/ladder
"No, we have guests round, play with your family"
With a chipper smile.

jameswong · 12/05/2019 14:54

You don't want to lose the parcel benefit by the sounds of things.

ohfourfoxache · 12/05/2019 14:54

Bloody hell, it’s one thing if you’ve got dc yourself but inviting herself over when you have visitors is bloody cheeky

donquixotedelamancha · 12/05/2019 14:55

How to get rid of neighbors kid!!

TL;DR- but cyanide laced cigarettes always work for me.

Original poster

AnnaSteen · 12/05/2019 14:58

Thanks everyone. Loads of helpful suggestions there and good to know it is unreasonable behavior. Will take it all on board and start rbeing firm! Thanks a mil 😊

OP posts:

Drum2018 · 12/05/2019 15:23

It's very simple to tell the child that she needs to leave. Her parents are probably delighted that she's out of the house for an hour annoying ye so they won't stop her unless you say something. You don't need to use the word sorry. When she lands over today tell her very firmly, but in a polite tone, 'we are busy, you can't come in. Bye now'. Assuming she comes to the front door just close it once you've said it. Put yor wheelie bin up against the inside of the side gate to prevent her getting into the garden and then invest in a lock tomorrow. Every time she calls say the same thing. She'll soon get the message.

somecakefather · 12/05/2019 15:25

I don't understand what the big deal is. Can't she just play in the garden with the 3yo? I have multiple kids at my door or in my garden several times a week looking for my DD to play with.

Pinkyyy · 12/05/2019 15:33

Don't feel bad about sending her away, OP. Kids get over things very quickly and she probably thinks it's fine because you're yet to tell her otherwise.

TixieLix · 12/05/2019 15:48

@Innersmellbow, I used to love Kiki the frog from Hector's House. That's exactly what I imagined when OP said about the ladder .

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 12/05/2019 15:52

You neighbours are CFs! They know full well what she's doing but are hoping to offload her onto you for a bit. You have been given some good replies here, OP. Just say them with a big smile!

Glitterblue · 12/05/2019 15:55

Annasteen I would really hate that, I value our privacy and also hate conflict, particularly when you have to live with the people nearby. I can't even think how I'd deal with it but I wouldn't like it!

Re people saying 30s isn't young for having kids, like you, in my 20s I was busy studying and building a career, I got married at 29 and pregnant at 33. I can't imagine having a teenager in my early 30's.

Fiveredbricks · 12/05/2019 15:57

Just say 'No, sorry, not today'. And ask her parents to stop letting her do it. It's not normal behaviour tbh.

Barbarafromblackpool · 12/05/2019 15:58

I doubt the child will mind too much if you tell her not to come over.

cuppycakey · 12/05/2019 15:58

Can you elaborate on the ladder thing?

innersmellbow

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