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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How to get rid of neighbors kid!!

152 replies

AnnaSteen · 12/05/2019 13:30

We live in a small estate, about 3 years now and get on fine with our neighbors in that we drop round a Christmas card and say hello when we see them - they sometimes take in parcels for us as they are usually at home and we work in the city. They have kids And the youngest is around 10. We don’t as we’re only early 30’s! We have friends who live nearby who come to visit frequently with their DD who has just turned 3. Recently the neighbor girl has started knocking to come up when they come to visit to play with the little girl or just comes straight into our garden from the side gate. She stands on a ladder looking into our garden to see who is there and if it’s the child visiting shouts can she come over. We didn’t know what to do the first two times - one of which she let herself in. They’re coming to visit us later today and the girl has already been on her ladder looking into our garden!!! I want to stop this before it goes any further but don’t know how and also don’t want to fall out with neighbors (although I can hear them in the garden too while she’s looking over our hedge from the top of a ladder and feel it’s a bit ridiculous they don’t tell her to get down!) any advice? Myself & DH are not good with confrontation! We feel like we’re being held hostage in our own home by a ten year old!!! Last week we told our friends we’d go to them instead as she was hovering around our driveway like she had a 6th sense we were planning to meet! I’m fed up with it!

OP posts:
LooUpdate · 12/05/2019 16:04

Phone social services.

stayathomer · 12/05/2019 16:12

There's a lot of people that don't get how difficult a ten year old is to watch compared to if you sit and chat with a three year old beside you. The ten year old will want to be playing, will be trying to show the three year old stuff but taking over, they're great but it definitely isn't as easy. You do need to be the adult here and say sorry maybe another day and if the neighbours say something just say you don't have any kids of that age in the house and you can't keep an eye ( really really sorry etc etc)

flumpybear · 12/05/2019 16:15

I feel for you, and I've taken some phrases in board as we have a child behind our garden who sits on top of this concrete box thing at the foot of their garden and stares j to our garden and comments in my little boy who used to run around naked when it was summer and he was in the paddling pool (brief spurts when he had a tenancy of stripping off his clothes interjected with us putting on more sun cream and clothing of various sorts before anyone thinks we are putting his skin at risk)
It drove me wild and even my DD who was about 8 at the time said mummy why does he keep spying on us over the fence I don't like it

jemmajen · 12/05/2019 16:28

shotgun?

Cherrysoup · 12/05/2019 16:33

We eat outside and they watch us. I've picked them up on it but it doesnt stop them.

This would annoy the shite out of me. Why haven’t you told them to stop/spoken to the parents?

And let your NDN know that she is doing this, you've not invited her and it's intrusive

I agree, but they clearly already know, so be firm.

waterrat · 12/05/2019 16:42

Op you are overthinking this. I have kids and parents know that you have to say no sometimes when kids come knocking. Just a cheery - sorry we are busy today.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 12/05/2019 16:58

Air rifle? Seriously though dont be afraid to say no when you want to,its unlikely your neighbours will fall out with you and if they do then they are strange anyway imo.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 12/05/2019 16:58

Cross posted with @jemmajen

WillLokireturn · 12/05/2019 18:54

@somecakefather
You have a DD though and clearly don't mind other little visitors to play with her. OP does not have DC. And she finds it intrusive the 10 yo NDN child is on a ladder peeping at them in their garden, interrupting, coming over without asking and unwelcome. Because she does mind. Their friends have left early incase you haven't RTFT, because they were so uncomfortable that an uninvited 10 year old barges in and makes it all about her, that they cut short their visit. Where the 3 year old would otherwise play quietly or nicely whilst they chat. They might want to have a private chat and you know.... just see their friends! Not babysit and entertain and uninvited neighbourhood child !

The key bit is they don't want her there! It's their house.

Nanny0gg · 12/05/2019 19:13

There is a big difference between 'confrontation' and being 'firm'

You do not have to be confrontational with a 10 year-old!

You tell (not ask) her nicely to go home, you have friends over. You tell (not ask) her to get down and stop staring over your fence.

You are the adults...

KC225 · 12/05/2019 19:25

Innersmellbow Hahaha. Never before has a piciture so accurately summed up an AIBU.

MargotSimpson · 12/05/2019 19:44

What happened today @annasteen? Did the NDN kid make an appearance?

AnnaSteen · 12/05/2019 20:40

@margotsimpson yes!! We managed to all get inside and out to the garden without being spotted. Then she started ringing the doorbell. I’m afraid I took the cowards way out and didn’t answer. 🙈 she then went back into her garden and kicked three footballs over into our garden then came to the garden gate and said could she come in and get her balls and play with the little girl. So I (thanks to the poster who suggested it) said sorry we are having family time today so you can’t come in and handed the balls back over the gate. she loitered around the gates and in our driveway for a bit then went away! Given the kicking of footballs and ringing doorbell I’ll be being very firm going forward! Thanks to all posters for their advice! I didn’t want to do the wrong thing!!!

OP posts:
AnnaSteen · 12/05/2019 20:42

Ps yes the peering in is exactly like that cartoon pic!! And it’s not a slide steps or climbing frame it’s a full on proper ladder she drags over and stands on.

OP posts:
LooUpdate · 12/05/2019 21:27

Phone social services. She must be super lonely.

Cherrysoup · 12/05/2019 21:44

Keep being very firm, don’t let her in even once. Get a bolt on your gate. I think you need to speak to the parents, it’s weird for a ten year old to keep coming round. You’re not her friend.

TheInvestigator · 12/05/2019 21:56

Jeez. There's always one alarmist who loves drama. Don't call social services; they have more desperate children to look out for. The neighbours kid being nosey and wanting to play doesn't make a neglected child.

hippermiddleton · 12/05/2019 22:04

I don't think social services actually provides social services for lonely kids.

Barbarafromblackpool · 12/05/2019 22:16

Think loo was joking.

WillLokireturn · 13/05/2019 04:37

Well done OP!! 💐🎉🎉 That's a great step forward! Did it feel better?

@hippermiddleton 😂😂

TenSheets · 13/05/2019 04:49

Sod all this pussy footing around. Go and speak to her parents and ask them to make sure she leaves you alone, and that if the 3 year old ever wants to play you'll knock for her. For gods sake woman, toughen up!
And yes I've had the exact same situation with next doors child leering over our fence, it was soon nipped in the bud. Life doesn't need to be this difficult.

luckybird07 · 13/05/2019 05:27

I teach 11- 12 year olds and some of them have no clue when they are being intrusive and annoying so you have to firmly shoe her out in a sing song voice- You have to go back now- we are having some adult time with our friends-don't worry about offending-kids like that have thick skin.

0nTheEdge · 13/05/2019 06:47

I think the hardest part with boundaries is starting off, and you've done that bit now. You need to remember you are allowed to say no, and that you can do it kindly. If you genuinely like the kid, you will like her more if she's not annoying you all the time with you starting to resent her. Maybe when your friend's little girl is older, she (and you) might really appreciate her having someone to play with when she comes to visit, even though she might not be quite there yet.

whereonearth · 13/05/2019 06:50

We had a neighbour boy like this, my mum would always say ‘sorry whereonearth is in the bath’ or similar Grin

PookieDo · 13/05/2019 06:55

This child must be horribly lonely
Haven’t the parents noticed?