How to get rid of neighbors kid!!

[AnnaSteen]

We live in a small estate, about 3 years now and get on fine with our neighbors in that we drop round a Christmas card and say hello when we see them - they sometimes take in parcels for us as they are usually at home and we work in the city. They have kids And the youngest is around 10. We don’t as we’re only early 30’s! We have friends who live nearby who come to visit frequently with their DD who has just turned 3. Recently the neighbor girl has started knocking to come up when they come to visit to play with the little girl or just comes straight into our garden from the side gate. She stands on a ladder looking into our garden to see who is there and if it’s the child visiting shouts can she come over. We didn’t know what to do the first two times - one of which she let herself in. They’re coming to visit us later today and the girl has already been on her ladder looking into our garden!!! I want to stop this before it goes any further but don’t know how and also don’t want to fall out with neighbors (although I can hear them in the garden too while she’s looking over our hedge from the top of a ladder and feel it’s a bit ridiculous they don’t tell her to get down!) any advice? Myself & DH are not good with confrontation! We feel like we’re being held hostage in our own home by a ten year old!!! Last week we told our friends we’d go to them instead as she was hovering around our driveway like she had a 6th sense we were planning to meet! I’m fed up with it!

Phone social services. She must be super lonely

🙄😲 Why?

I had this for about 6 months by a neighbours child. Fences were low so she just peered over constantly asking to play. Her mum was always in bed and the child was dirty and hungry. I felt sorry for her the first few times but it got where she was coming over and being mean to my children who were under 3 at the time. I just kept being blunt in the end any saying ‘not today’ she would constantly ask why, way she was starving etc. I had to stop feeling children outside and ice lollies were out of the question.

You need to directly tell her not to keep pestering while your friends are over. At 10, she really needs to know that using a ladder to peer into your garden is rude and she needs to stop.

My son loves little ones, and so I can understand your neighbour’s daughter wanting to come and play with her - but it’s also okay for you to have boundaries with her.

Also, if she’s like this with your friend’s tot - what will she be like when you have children of your own?

We had a similar problem 2 years ago just couldnt get rid of neighbours child when my grandaughter came , we had a bbq one day when she was here, shd vanished for 10 mins and came back with 3 of her siblings (shes one of 8) they demolished our food trashed our garden and i finallt found the courage to send them home . They then started letting themselves straight in when dgd was here , i know lock my door from inside haha

Boundaries are not selfish, wrong or unreasonable. If it were an adult climbing a ladder to stare into your garden, you wouldn’t tolerate it, would you? It’s not ok just because it’s a child. I would never let my dd do that.

If you don’t want to tackle the parents about the ladder (nothing wrong with saying you find it intrusive and could they please put a stop to it) can you put some taller trellis or screening up on your side of the fence?

This should have been nipped in the bud before now. This ten year old is rude and disrespecting you and your privacy. The parents are at fault for not keeping the child under control and they should be reinforcing good manners, which they clearly are not doing.
Yes, it could cause a little falling out with the child's parents, your neighbours. But, what is worse? That, or being continuously stalked by a ten year old who has clearly not been taught any boundaries? You need to be very firm, but of course polite, speaking to the neighbours and the child. You cannot have your privacy invaded by this child, climbing a ladder and looking into your garden on a regular basis. Time to stop treading on egg shells and time to raise the issue, making it absolutely clear that you will not tolerate these intrusions anymore. Remain calm; people who raise their voices or even shout in an argument or debate immediately lose credibility in my experience. You have the advantage of being right! They are clearly in the wrong for failing to tell their child that this is not acceptable behaviour.
So, if the neighbours, the child's parents, do get somewhat stroppy over this, then that just goes to show what kind of people they are, if they cannot understand why this kind of behaviour is wrong and exceptionally rude. That would just confirm that they are weak parents. But then again, you might get a positive response, with them being rather embarrassed that you have felt the need to raise the issue. Of course, you won't know until you've tried; but what is certain is that you cannot be expected to tolerate this anymore. The situation needs to be confronted and resolved, and this requires courage, fortitude, determination and assertiveness on your part. Assertive is not the same as aggressive, not at all; just calm but very firm. It is time to stop procrastinating over this matter.

I've heard it all now.

Call social services because a child wants to play with another child on their own street. This is modern britain - society is truly dead.

Good for you for handling it, OP.

It can be a bit weird the first time, especially if you're not used to kids that age. We've had a few issues like that ourselves, as well has having to rein in youngest DD at 10 who was besotted by the baby next door and wanted to see him all the time, bring him toys, blow bubbles for his amusement.
Kids that are often really love toddlers. It's sweet, it's great as part of an extended family situation, it's part of community development. But not as neighbours taking over visits from friends.

a friendly "Hi honey, it's nice to see you but we're spending time with our friends today so it's not a good time for you to visit," works well. As does, "Not today love. See you later"

This could be your future babysitter. She's interested and friendly. She's just not got her boundaries sorted out yet.

If you don’t tell the parents they won’t know there’s an issue. If my neighbour said yes to my child going to play and then made a post here because they didn’t really want her there id be absolutely mortified. You’re best just being honest. A 10yo playing with a 3yo will be quite boring it’s likely she
Just wants the company and
If the adults end up joining it may even be the reason, pop a lock on the gate so she can’t invite herself in and when she asks just say no sorry not today. I’d then knock the neighbours and just say you feel the 3yo is a little young to play the sort of games a 10yo wants to play and more often than not you feel you’re entertaining their dd and would appreciate if they’d have a chat with her. We live in a maisonette, in the summer my kids go out to play in the garden and the kids that used to live upstairs would ask daily to come down and play the answer was always the same sorry not today - I have 5 children I don’t want to be watching someone else’s 🙈😂 believe me op you’re best off just being upfront 😊

@mrsdaz I hope you reported to social services? Poor kid.

Ah just see your sorted it well done op :-) at 10 years old she probably just doesn’t understand the boundaries yet lol. As for the comments about phoning social services...wtf why? She sounds like a bored 10yo why on earth would social services need involving? Please don’t listen to that ridiculous idea op

Sounds frightfully awful moving from the countryside.

In this modern world there is still (or should still be) something called good manners. This child has clearly not been told that you cannot just wander into somebody's garden uninvited, for whatever reason. That would apply equally well to an adult wouldn't it? This goes beyond a child wanting to play with another child on the same street.
This is clearly not even remotely a social services issue; I would hope you were just being facetious and flippant when mentioning this; no one else has. It is however clearly an issue of children being brought up to respect others and surely this would include respecting a neighbour's right to their privacy wouldn't it?

I know you’ve kind of explained it but saying we don’t have kids because we’re in our early 30s has bemused me. I mean, you’re not 15.

Sorry you did this to yourself! It is abit like DH on a 13 hour flight to Asia and little girl, cite as a button peeked over her seat and DH started playing peek a boo with her. I hissed loudly and said he had better start as he means to go on because I will not be enduring entertaining more children (we had our 3 and 5 year old) on a 13 hour flight!!! He quickly got my point and pretended to read the flight emergency booklet thoroughly

NDN properly using you as free babysitting services! Although as a 10 year she should be able to self entertain like.read a book or something! Cant see what in common she would have with a 3 year old! I think it's your company she likes!!

Next time she does that with the ladder you need to tell her it's rude.

When my kids were 3 I would have loved a 10 year old to keep them entertained in the garden whilst I chatted with the other grown ups. The peeping over the hedge on a ladder thing is a bit weird though - i'd nip that in the bud.

Nannyred
no wonder so many people get taken advantage off if they act like mugs, someone will treat them like mugs. Tell her “our guests come to see us, not you.”

You sound horrible. No wonder so many people are so rude if they’re raised by folk like you.

Op of course you can her nicely that it’s not convenient right now or that she can come for 10 mins - and then send her nicely home. She’ll soon get the hint and also she’ll soon get bored of it and move on to something else.

What tigerbreadaddict has posted. The child needs to learn some manners, obviously her parents aren't bothering to.

Ourselves and our neighbours have 2 LOs. Sometimes they will ask if they can come round or vice versa and often it's just not convenient. All parties think nothing of it and we don't think less of each other because of it. Just say it's not convenient today.

What is the worst you think will happen? Bad feeling?

You're not obligated to provide entertainment for someone else's child. At 10 years old this child is old enough to play on her own and keep herself entertained. You are not required to act as a free baby-sitter for her. If her parents are too entitled to realize that, well, maybe staying away from them is your best option.

Lol at the social services comment.....

Honestly, it's the kind of thing my DD (also 10) might do! We have a low garden wall and she's often sitting on it and talking to the neighbours/their dog on that side and I can imagine her wanting to play if they had a cute LO over often, but we do tell her to give them some privacy!

If you don't say No sooner rather than later then the 10 year old will continue to think that you approve.