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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to get rid of neighbors kid!!

152 replies

AnnaSteen · 12/05/2019 13:30

We live in a small estate, about 3 years now and get on fine with our neighbors in that we drop round a Christmas card and say hello when we see them - they sometimes take in parcels for us as they are usually at home and we work in the city. They have kids And the youngest is around 10. We don’t as we’re only early 30’s! We have friends who live nearby who come to visit frequently with their DD who has just turned 3. Recently the neighbor girl has started knocking to come up when they come to visit to play with the little girl or just comes straight into our garden from the side gate. She stands on a ladder looking into our garden to see who is there and if it’s the child visiting shouts can she come over. We didn’t know what to do the first two times - one of which she let herself in. They’re coming to visit us later today and the girl has already been on her ladder looking into our garden!!! I want to stop this before it goes any further but don’t know how and also don’t want to fall out with neighbors (although I can hear them in the garden too while she’s looking over our hedge from the top of a ladder and feel it’s a bit ridiculous they don’t tell her to get down!) any advice? Myself & DH are not good with confrontation! We feel like we’re being held hostage in our own home by a ten year old!!! Last week we told our friends we’d go to them instead as she was hovering around our driveway like she had a 6th sense we were planning to meet! I’m fed up with it!

OP posts:

Simcat · 14/05/2019 20:47

Hi I think you’re all doing a typical mumsnet response. Children are children’s and we all
Know most would rather play especially if they can hear other children. Yes the child is pushy... but we’ve all met children like this and others that wouldn’t say ‘boo’ to anyone. Just say ‘no, not today’. No need to be rude as she’s a child and just wants to play.
My neighbours children do the same as did mine. They also used to ask us lots of questions when in the garden... down I answered others I ignore... again a child being a child.
I get very disheartened by some of the responses... she’s a child and and is just very confident.

thistimeofyear · 14/05/2019 21:03

This is so sad
Mrsdaz I hope you’re really proud of yourself ! Fgs how much is a frigging ice lolly!! To the rest of you who say such mean things - I’m shocked - it’s about living in a community fgs.
She’s probably an only child and I know how much time they spend alone from experience. Sounds like you were reasonable though to her OP glad you didn’t say half the things you were told to on here.

Knoxinbox · 14/05/2019 21:17

I had this for about 6 months by a neighbours child. Fences were low so she just peered over constantly asking to play. Her mum was always in bed and the child was dirty and hungry. I felt sorry for her the first few times but it got where she was coming over and being mean to my children who were under 3 at the time. I just kept being blunt in the end any saying ‘not today’ she would constantly ask why, way she was starving etc.

See there I hope you did report to social services

There’s a poor child who’s clearly being neglected

IvanaPee · 14/05/2019 21:17

Firmly but nicely sending her away every time is the right way to go about it.

You do need to get the ladder sorted though! Maybe wait till night time and steak it? 😂

OldAndWornOut · 14/05/2019 21:18

When you see her little head bob up over the fence, push the ladder.

ChariotsofFish · 14/05/2019 21:28

I have a toddler. Ten year olds love playing with her, she loves playing with them. This is normal and the ten year old is just over excited. She needs to learn boundaries, but I honestly can’t see any harm in letting them play for ten minutes.

JLo1979 · 14/05/2019 21:45

This happens us on a regular basis as our ndn’s child is an only child. We have 4 kids. Initially I used to let him hop over whenever he wanted, but suddenly it was every day, and up to 4 hours at a time which would have been a meal time. It was definitely apparent that the ndn and often the housekeeper were using me as a free babysitter so I started sending the child back, saying sorry it doesn’t suit etc. felt bad for the child but what if something happened him while at mine. You have to be firm in this op, if it upsets the neighbors then it’s not your problem. They don’t seem to mind upsetting you. The ladder thing is a nono!

jarhead123 · 14/05/2019 21:49

Wow her parents are very cheeky!

I'd politely say no sorry we have visitors, she needs you to be tough with her.

Amitskitshaw · 14/05/2019 21:59

OMG I think this is about my family!!! Literally thought this was ok. When did people get so uptight?

IvanaPee · 14/05/2019 22:01

Yeah right.

Louloubelle78 · 14/05/2019 22:19

My son is autistic and gas ADHD. He totally doesn't get the message in these situations. We had a low fence he kept looking over, trying to catch the attention of next doors daughter. It used to be so annoying constantly telling him to get down. When the NDN needed a new fence they got a tall one. I was so relieved not offended!! Just say something to the parents. X is such a lovely girl. However, could you ask her not to look over our fence please. When we gave visitors, we'll pop over and tell her when she can play (never). The shut sandwich for feedback nice, horrible bit, nice.

Louloubelle78 · 14/05/2019 22:20

Sorry about the typos

OccidentalPurist · 14/05/2019 22:21

Your NDNs are being very cheeky but I feel for their child. If her siblings are way older it sounds as though they're just done with proper parenting and aren't making any effort to get her play dates etc, so the poor girl is scrambling around trying to create a social life for herself.

This isn't your problem I know, but in the interest of being neighbourly, do you think it might be a good idea to ask if you can pop over one day and politely talk to the mum about this? She'd then realise that her DD can't continue with this and that she needs to be more involved in facilitating her social life.

Amitskitshaw · 14/05/2019 22:30

I can’t get over this thread.
Headline: 10yr old wants to play with 3yr old
Story: neighbours don’t want to play with 10yr old or 3yr old but think parents of 10yr old should ‘facilitate her social life’
Is this actually a fake question?

TheGardenFairy · 14/05/2019 22:30

I don't understand what the big deal is. Can't she just play in the garden with the 3yo? I have multiple kids at my door or in my garden several times a week looking for my DD to play with

I don't understand the problem either. When my first was 3 years old I would have welcomed a 10 year old to entertain him and keep him out of my hair whilst I socialised

Amitskitshaw · 14/05/2019 22:32

I agree

Copperandtod · 14/05/2019 22:35

So do I

EvaTheOptimist · 14/05/2019 22:39

Well done OP.

Even with next doors' kid who is a friend of my DS's, sometimes the answer genuinely is "sorry you can't play today", so it really isn't rude to say that and not let her over the threshold.

smilingontheinside · 14/05/2019 23:04

Innersmellbow is that Kikki from Hector's House? I really am old 👵

PuppetShowInTheSoundofMusic · 14/05/2019 23:05

I don't get what the big deal is about letting a probably lonely girl play with your friends daughter.

The ladder thing is a separate issue but really - how much must she want to come round to play if she kicks 3 balls over.

This is a short term problem. In a couple of years if not less she won't be interested in "playing" in the garden. She's 10 years old. It's part of the joy of a community in mucking around with neighbours friends and their children.

Over reacting to my mind - the ladder is a different point though the play isn't.

Ade16 · 14/05/2019 23:09

But again, it is not just about staring over into the neighbour's garden, it's also about actually wandering into it uninvited. Now that is just simply rude and disrespectful. Also, I agree that a ten year old should be able to keep themselves occupied and entertained. It is not the neighbour's job to do that; if anyone, it's the girl's parents job isn't it?
It just seems to me that they have their own agenda and just turn a blind eye to what their daughter is doing, which has clearly upset and angered the OP. This girl's behaviour is just not acceptable, but her parents either do not actually understand why it is rude and intrusive, or they do understand but do not care. The girl needs to be told to stop pestering the neighbour, and told by her parents! The OP should never have been put in this invidious position in the first place, if the girl's parents had been firm with their daughter regarding what kinds of behaviour are acceptable and appropriate, and which are not. This is not an 'old fashioned' notion, good manners and respecting others are just as important these days as they ever were. If allowed to continue in this way, unchecked; then what kind of teenager or indeed adult is this ten year old likely to turn out to be? Again, the onus is on her parents to set boundaries, not on the neighbours. The previous poster clearly does set boundaries explaining that the neighbours should be allowed their privacy. Sadly, not all parents do that.

MrMeSeeks · 14/05/2019 23:16

Uptight?

When they don’t want supervise someone else’s child multiple times?
Op doesn’t want to be spied on in her own garden and when her friends come round they come round to see her, a neighbour shouldn’t be allowing their child to come continuously over unless op invites them.
If they have a 10y/o then they then have to supervise the two children, rather than the little one sitting colouring, playing etc whilst the adults catch up.
Op could invite the neighbours child over in future when it’s convenient, but not all the time.

Ade16 · 14/05/2019 23:29

"It's part of the joy of a community in mucking around with neighbours friends and their children...." Well I don't agree; bottom line, what if the neighbours and their friends don't want this because they have prearranged plans? They have a right to privacy and should not have this forced on them. many people understandably do not want 'a stranger' playing with their young kid. The OP is clearly fed up, as are their visiting friends, and they clearly do not want any of this 'mucking around'. It may be convenient for the girl and her parents, but clearly not for the OP.
Also, I don't buy this lonely girl thing! Again, that is perhaps down to her neglectful parents. Also, doesn't she have any friends of her own age? If not, why not? Or has she alienated them too?
You can't just go round imposing yourself on other people if they do not want this. That is something this 10 year old has to learn, with or without her parents' guidance.

MamaofAHH · 14/05/2019 23:39

Gosh this has happened at my parents and it honestly drives me mad.
Literally the second we arrive they will bang on the door to play with our DC's. They aren't even particularly nice, and it's mainly because they don't have anyone else to play with so we feel they use them a bit.
The girl though is so incredibly nosey, I was sorting out my dad's car and she clearly didn't have any idea of personal space whilst standing watching me.
I'm used to children, I have two, they have friends but these kids are really bizarre. It's a bit like you're describing, just no appropriate social skills or boundaries. It's not confidence at all. My son is an extremely confident child but never behaves like that.

Good luck op, keep it simple with a 'no, not today sorry'.

TheBigFatMermaid · 14/05/2019 23:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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