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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at my sister for missing an important family event?

305 replies

sweetkitty · 11/05/2019 23:52

I probably am and will probably get flamed but here goes. In January I sent out the date of a important event for my DS, think once in his lifetime imports to him kind of thing. My sister is his godmother and very close to him.

About 3 weeks ago she tells me she can’t come she’s away with work, she has a job where she travels an awful lot but I had assumed she would have blocked out the date.

Today she posts she’s at a Health/Fitness convention, she’s recently turned into a health/gym nut and I think she’s booked this then realised it’s clashed with DSs thing.

I am annoyed that she’s lied and posted the whole days iternary of FB (she’s turned into a health bore posting work outs at 4am/green juices/boot camp holidays) and said she’s working? DS was upset when I said she couldn’t come today.

DH said forget about it if she had wanted to be there she would have been.

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 12/05/2019 17:33

I don't have a list of misgivings and I certainly won't be told any from you.

TheLoneWolfDies · 12/05/2019 17:45

Oh but I already have told you. Bye have a nice day!

TSSDNCOP · 12/05/2019 18:13

My sister missed my wedding because she was doing something else.,20 years later it doesn't matter. Nor will this.

BertrandRussell · 12/05/2019 18:19

Was your sister your Chief Bridesnaid, TSSDNCOP?

TSSDNCOP · 12/05/2019 18:21

She would’ve been. She chose to be elsewhere.

I’m not saying things like that are disappointing, just that people don’t always fall in, it doesn’t make them bad people.

BertrandRussell · 12/05/2019 18:22

But she didn’t accept the role then go and do something else?

PCohle · 12/05/2019 18:22

Did your sister lie to you about what else it was that she was doing though? Because that's what the OP is annoyed about.

TSSDNCOP · 12/05/2019 18:31

Goodness you two, calm down. My point, which you are missing (or maybe I’m not making it as well I if hoped), is that sometimes people just do let you down.

Then it’s decision time, accept that it’s done or make it a huge, never to be forgotten deal.

My point to the OP was that in time this won’t seem as bad as it does right now when a person doesn’t attend a big deal family event.

PCohle · 12/05/2019 18:35

Saying "in 20 years time you'll have got over it" seems a little bit dismissive of how the OP, understandably, feels in the here and now though.

If that's the bar then 98% of AIBU are being unreasonable just because in 20 years they'll probably have got over it either way.

TSSDNCOP · 12/05/2019 18:46

Sigh. I wasn’t being dismissive, which I think you know really. I was trying to demonstrate that a very big family let down, whilst a big deal at the time, becomes less so. She can make this a huge thing, It’s not going to change what’s happened.

I said to Dsis at the tine, that I was really disappointed, When she wasn’t there it wasn’t nice and I missed her later when the photos came. I could still be carrying that about, but would that help? No.

PCohle · 12/05/2019 18:57

I do think you're being dismissive actually, or I wouldn't have said so.

I also think telling me what I really think is fairly patronising, especially on top your "sigh" and "goodness, calm down".

TSSDNCOP · 12/05/2019 19:04

Well you’re entitled to think what you like. With regard to being dismissive, that’s not what I meant, and it’s not what I wrote.

My point was to the OP that with the benefit of time and perspective on a big deal event, it doesn’t look as bad.

GabsAlot · 12/05/2019 19:11

yeah im not gonna go to a communion coz in 20 years it wont matter

ffs

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/05/2019 19:18

But she didn’t accept the role then go and do something else?

She 'agreed' 9 years ago. My best mate agreed to be my BM when we were teenagers, I didn't hold her to it, she was in Australia.

TSSDNCOP · 12/05/2019 19:22

I didn’t say that either did I? It’s been a interesting day for me.its the anniversary of a very traumatic event and I’ve been doing s lot of thinking about past events and their impact, which is why I thought I’d write. I understand that seems to be making some people very, very cross but I can write from my own experience and perspective.

Whisky2014 · 12/05/2019 19:45

@TheLoneWolfDies you are a hypocrite. Telling me I am rude when you are rude to me. "Bye now" what are you? 22? Grow up.

Overtheborder · 12/05/2019 20:00

@Drum2018

It absolutely isn't a lot of "bullshit" in my family or indeed in our community.

It maybe isn't the case for you, and that's fine, but don't say I'm talking bullshit. Hmm

Bobcut · 12/05/2019 20:11

Because, presumably, you aren’t Catholic? What you have over simplified is not what a Godparent does in the Catholic Church. That isn’t their purpose at all!

Fair enough, I only see it on tv programmes, and they never show what the real meaning is, just they stand there for the christening or they will have them if the parents die

clairemcnam · 12/05/2019 20:13

I went to all my nieces and nephews communions because it was clear my brother really wanted me to go. I travelled a fair way for them. I have to be honest though and say my presence made little real difference. I sat in the church, and then went to an after party where my niece and nephews were busy playing with other kids.
I would also wonder if you take the time to celebrate or listen to what is important to your sister? Because with my brother I felt like an extra in a film of his family life a lot of the time.

TheLoneWolfDies · 12/05/2019 20:21

I'm 23 although I don't see why that matters, are you ageist now aswell as rude? Oh wonderful.

iano · 12/05/2019 20:33

Godparents are not the same as legal guardians. The latter are appointed in someone's Will. Being a godparent has nothing to do with taking the children after the parent dies...
Their role is to teach and support the child in the Christian faith. Google the promise the godparents give in the service. Pretty clear what their role is.

clairemcnam · 12/05/2019 20:43

But in practice most of the time being a godparent just means sending a birthday and christmas present in reality.

Original poster
sweetkitty · 12/05/2019 23:10

SIL just posted on FB about GoT I said where you watching it? She said just got home, I said oh I thought you were working all weekend? No just home? She was posting photos of Joe Wicks.

Does she think we are stupid not to realise she blew DS off for her fitness thing when she’s posting photos? If she had said that she had forgot about his communion booked it and couldn’t get out of it I would have been well ok.

She goes to these things nearly every month, she totally is addicted but suppose there could be worse things to be addicted to.

OP posts:
PCohle · 12/05/2019 23:17

I'm sorry OP, she sounds very self absorbed.

Personally I'd tell her directly how disappointed you were that she chose not to be there for her godson and that, worse, she lied to you about it.

Little digs about what she's posting on Facebook won't necessarily get your point across.

GabsAlot · 12/05/2019 23:27

just say it what u got to lose