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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at my sister for missing an important family event?

305 replies

sweetkitty · 11/05/2019 23:52

I probably am and will probably get flamed but here goes. In January I sent out the date of a important event for my DS, think once in his lifetime imports to him kind of thing. My sister is his godmother and very close to him.

About 3 weeks ago she tells me she can’t come she’s away with work, she has a job where she travels an awful lot but I had assumed she would have blocked out the date.

Today she posts she’s at a Health/Fitness convention, she’s recently turned into a health/gym nut and I think she’s booked this then realised it’s clashed with DSs thing.

I am annoyed that she’s lied and posted the whole days iternary of FB (she’s turned into a health bore posting work outs at 4am/green juices/boot camp holidays) and said she’s working? DS was upset when I said she couldn’t come today.

DH said forget about it if she had wanted to be there she would have been.

OP posts:
AmIRightOrAMeringue · 12/05/2019 13:14

Every family has different dynamics. For me, I wouldn't be bothered that my sibling didn't want to come to the event (unless maybe a wedding). I would however be very hurt and upset that she lied to me, and then seemingly wasnt bothered that you found out. A white lie - maybe ok (for example she was on a work trip but it was optional) but this is pretty blatant. At the very least, she doesn't feel like she can talk to you about stuff and I think I'd want to ask her why

phoenixrosehere · 12/05/2019 13:35

I don’t think yabu. I do have to ask if your ds asked about her or where she was if so your dh should say something, if not, leave it. It was his communion and if he isn’t bothered by it, then why pull it up with her? Plus from your last post about her behaviour the last times you’ve seen her, sounds like you may have dodged a bullet.

nelsonmuntzslingshot · 12/05/2019 13:56

Whiskey2014 you really have no idea how much of an occasion a First Holy Communion is. The children will have been preparing for many months and it is a huge deal to them. The OP’s sister should be ashamed of herself. As Godmother she has a spiritual and religious role in the child’s life and she is not fulfilling that.

Whisky2014 · 12/05/2019 14:09

Meh

PCohle · 12/05/2019 14:11

Meh?

TooManyPaws · 12/05/2019 14:14

My godmother came all the way down from northern Scotland to the West Midlands of England for my confirmation and communion (high Anglican). It WAS a big deal. I still treasure the prayer book that she gave me even though I am no longer Christian.

Bobcut · 12/05/2019 14:15

I find it strange the replies saying her life doesn’t revolve around you- they clearly done have close relationships with their sisters or know how dear they are.

I understand you are annoyed but I guess let this one slip. Her fitness may be a mental well-being for her, for me fitness is helps me through the day, if she travels a lot this might have came and she wanted to do it for herself and the next one may have been a long while away. If she’s gone to the others I guess it’s just one she missed and must be a lot of pressure for her to attend thing if she has to replace every other missing family member like you said

Bobcut · 12/05/2019 14:18

Whiskey- a godmother makes promises at the baptism and the role carries responsibilities. The OP’s sister made those promises and accepted the responsibilities. Turning up at a one off event that she has had plenty of notice is not exactly revolving her life round him!

If someone asks you to be a godparent, looking after them if you pass is big enough, I don’t think they should be held to a gun to do everything just because you asked and they had to say yes. I don’t even understand the concept of godparents, have a legal letter leaving the kid to your parent sibling whatever, what’s the need to make a decision when a baby is born your relationship could change in 10 years time

flumposie · 12/05/2019 14:19

YANBU. My daughter makes hers next month and if my sister who is also her godmother chose something else over it I would be angry and upset. I'm not bothered if others can't make it but godparents should be there.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/05/2019 14:41

Maybe she feels like it’s her time now and that she’s done her fair share of first communions, children’s parties etc. This fitness bug could be her way of finding something that’s all hers, rather than about being a mother and a grandmother.

I think this is probably right.

I don't think it's helpful to minimise others people's important stuff. It's happened both ways on this thread. The conference is clearly important to her and the communion to OP.

BertrandRussell · 12/05/2019 14:45

“I don't think it's helpful to minimise others people's important stuff”

I agree. But when you make a long term commitment to something then you stick to it.

PCohle · 12/05/2019 14:46

If the sister genuinely feels her fitness conference is as important as the communion then why did she lie about why she was unable to attend?

0DimSumMum0 · 12/05/2019 14:53

To me YANBU. If she was given plenty of notice and wasn't on a work trip she should have been there. I would be upset too. I can understand how upset you were reading otherwise on Facebook.

FamilyOfAliens · 12/05/2019 15:45

But you still remember it....because she wasn't where she should have been.

No, I don’t have any memory of thinking she (or my godfather) should have been there. I worked out where she would have been for the purposes of this thread. She’d just moved to NYC and she was an alcoholic so it’s safe to assume she was somewhere either drinking or drunk.

nelsonmuntzslingshot · 12/05/2019 15:50

If someone asks you to be a godparent, looking after them if you pass is big enough, I don’t think they should be held to a gun to do everything just because you asked and they had to say yes. I don’t even understand the concept of godparents, have a legal letter leaving the kid to your parent sibling whatever, what’s the need to make a decision when a baby is born your relationship could change in 10 years time

Because, presumably, you aren’t Catholic? What you have over simplified is not what a Godparent does in the Catholic Church. That isn’t their purpose at all!

Drum2018 · 12/05/2019 16:10

*I'm Irish.

Over here when you agree a role as Godparent it's tour duty to guide the child in the Catholic faith.

This means you're there for their baptism, first confessions, holy communion, confirmation and any other spiritual/religious event.

You support them, their parents and their siblings. I have a large family and we all invited to attend these celebrations. They're always important to the child and the godparent*

I'm Irish and this is a load of bull! It may be the case in your family but don't make out that it's typical of all families 'over here' Hmm

BertrandRussell · 12/05/2019 16:18

“I don’t even understand the concept of godparents,“

Clearly!

Whisky2014 · 12/05/2019 16:43

Stop being an arse bert. Op wanted opinions and we have ours.

BertrandRussell · 12/05/2019 17:10

But opinions from people ignorant of the role of catholic godparents are completely irrelevant.

Whisky2014 · 12/05/2019 17:17

I'm not ignorant if the role. You just think I am because I don't agree with you.

TheLoneWolfDies · 12/05/2019 17:18

Whisky you're the only one I can see 'being an arse'. Most people on this thread are talking back and forth, agreeing or disagreeing. You are being rude.

Whisky2014 · 12/05/2019 17:20

No, I'm not.

TheLoneWolfDies · 12/05/2019 17:22

Yes, you really are.

Whisky2014 · 12/05/2019 17:24

No, I'm really not.

Etc etc

TheLoneWolfDies · 12/05/2019 17:28

Add ridiculously childish to your list of misgivings 😊 bye now!