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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at my sister for missing an important family event?

305 replies

sweetkitty · 11/05/2019 23:52

I probably am and will probably get flamed but here goes. In January I sent out the date of a important event for my DS, think once in his lifetime imports to him kind of thing. My sister is his godmother and very close to him.

About 3 weeks ago she tells me she can’t come she’s away with work, she has a job where she travels an awful lot but I had assumed she would have blocked out the date.

Today she posts she’s at a Health/Fitness convention, she’s recently turned into a health/gym nut and I think she’s booked this then realised it’s clashed with DSs thing.

I am annoyed that she’s lied and posted the whole days iternary of FB (she’s turned into a health bore posting work outs at 4am/green juices/boot camp holidays) and said she’s working? DS was upset when I said she couldn’t come today.

DH said forget about it if she had wanted to be there she would have been.

OP posts:
specterlitt · 12/05/2019 00:34

Your sister is entitled to decide what she thinks will benefit her time and life more, if this event was important to her then perhaps you can understand? She may have lied to spare your feelings?

You have said your son is 9, I'm sure the event wasn't that vital, she can always celebrate and enjoy any achievement he has made with him in private.

I would understand if it was his graduation as others have said, but even then I think if family members are happy to acknowledge achievements and celebrate in their available time it is fine.

She gave you plenty of notice, it's not like she dropped you at the last minute and decided she had a better offer.

There's no need to harbour anger over this, your annoyance is fine but let it go. This is nothing to use as a reason to make relationships difficult over.

Good luck to you all and congratulations to your son.

Rainbowlampshade · 12/05/2019 00:36

So cold on here tonight.

Sometimes family means a lot to people. Being there at important events and supporting each other, children looking forward to loved members of family being there.

Italiangreyhound · 12/05/2019 00:37

YADNBU. She lied to you and she has let your son down. Such a shame. She's also a bit stupid to post it all on Facebook.

But in the long run, it's done and I would forgive her and move on. Thanks

CordeliaWyndamPryce · 12/05/2019 00:40

I'm going to go against the grain and say your DSis is being unreasonable - assuming it is a first communion or similar. She came to her nieces' and is godparent so obviously doesn't have a problem with religious ceremonies. She also knew about the event before she booked her health thing. So good manners is to stick with the thing you first agreed to unless there is significant extenuating circumstances.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 12/05/2019 00:41

I'd be upset.
My brother and sister in law didn't come to my kids christening because they don't do religion and blah blah.
It hurt. And if I remember correctly, I think they then got upset about not being there or something. Can't remember.
I'd be hurt, specially if my child was hurt.

Provincialbelle · 12/05/2019 00:45

It’s the lie that is bad here from your sister, why couldn’t she tell the truth?

Antigon · 12/05/2019 00:46

she’s turned into a health bore posting work outs at 4am/green juices/boot camp holidays

I missed this gem, what a nasty thing to say about your own sister!

It sounds to me like you resent your sister for having her own life, travelling ‘an awful lot’ and turning into a ‘health bore’, so she’s not around to dance attendance to you and your children.

whyohwhyowhydididoit · 12/05/2019 00:50

If it is a FHC I think you are right to be upset that your DS didn’t prioritise it and they she lied about it. For the children it’s a big deal. None of my family are religious at all. They all think DH and I are mad for raising our children I such an outdated institution but they tipped up for the communions because they reaslised how important it was to the DC.

Redglitter · 12/05/2019 00:51

DS is 9, don’t really want to say what the event was might be too outing

I bet you it wouldn't be

AnneField · 12/05/2019 00:52

Any fool who knows how to AS can see it's First Communion. She's already done three of them, do you think there's any chance she's just fed up of it all? Especially as sex before marriage and using birth control are distinctly un-Catholic behaviours.

floraloctopus · 12/05/2019 00:56

You don't even need to AS to work it out - 9 is too young for the main Jewish religious events and is the age that children do first communion. Hardly rocket science.

wildcherries · 12/05/2019 01:00

You're calling her a health-bore etc. Maybe she figured she'd rather go where she isn't judged for her life choices?

More seriously, she shouldn't have lied. But if she committed to this event first, then fair enough that she went.

FagashJackie · 12/05/2019 01:19

I thought it was a bar mitzvar and musseltov!

Kismett · 12/05/2019 03:33

I wouldn’t be happy about her lying, that would hurt.

But I do think there’s a discussion to be had about her involvement in your kid’s lives and why she felt the need to miss it and lie about it.

It can be difficult when one sibling has children and the other doesn’t. Things become necessarily uneven. All these important events add up and you can find your weekends limited even though you don’t have children of your own.

It doesn’t mean that the person cares less, they might just be exhausted from all of it and want to live their own life for a bit.

PregnantSea · 12/05/2019 03:56

Personally I don't think this is a big deal at all. To me you just sound bitter and self centred. But then again I'm not majorly close with any of my family and none of us are religious so perhaps that's tarnishing my view of this. If your family treats this sort of thing as a big deal then I suppose you have a right to be annoyed.

BeanBag7 · 12/05/2019 04:40

I would be slightly annoyed that she missed the event. I would be very annoyed that she lied about where she really was.

I would be liking and commenting in every one if her posts online. Nothing negative, just letting her know that I'd seen them and put 2+2 together.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 12/05/2019 04:57

Yanbu! It's the lying I would find intolerable.

Ihatehashtags · 12/05/2019 05:00

She shouldn’t have lied, but she lied because giving you the real reason she can’t go would make her sound selfish and “all about me”..... which she is!! I’d be annoyed too

littlepeas · 12/05/2019 05:04

If it's first holy communion and she's his godmother then YANBU.

BusterGonad · 12/05/2019 05:30

To be honest not everyone finds children's achievements as interesting as the parent. Also any thing religious is exceedingly boring imo. Maybe she's been to so many events of your children's that this one time she really felt like she didn't want to miss out on something for her!

user1474894224 · 12/05/2019 05:44

Hmmmm....has she recently begun a new business? Is She selling Juice Plus or similar? Was this a work conference?

Dumdedumdedum · 12/05/2019 06:00

I agree with littlepeas. If you as an extended family are all practising Catholics, then she, as godmother, should be at her godson's First Holy Communion - it is indeed a huge occasion in the Catholic church, and you would think she would understand that. I bet it wasn't deliberate, though. The point about her having perhaps started a new business in the health MLM market is interesting.

TheSerenDipitY · 12/05/2019 06:06

you should be replying to her face book post how lucky it is that she managed to get out of "work" to be able to ummmm exercise?

pinkdelight · 12/05/2019 06:06

I'm not surprised she lied given your low opinion of her interests. But they're her interests and she's done all your dds communions and has probably done her bit in other ways too. I think you have to let her be who she is and not expect so much. My DB doesn't even bother with my dcs birthdays but he's a good guy in other ways and has his own life, no dc and doesn't owe us anything. I think yabu if you give her any shit about this. Just take the hint I guess and ask less of her.

TixieLix · 12/05/2019 06:24

The fact that your DSIS lied about where she would be and then posted it all over FB would piss me off too so YANBU. I'd be tempted to respond on FB to one of her posts saying how wonderful it was that her work paid for her to go to a health convention.