To be annoyed at my sister for missing an important family event?

[sweetkitty]

I probably am and will probably get flamed but here goes. In January I sent out the date of a important event for my DS, think once in his lifetime imports to him kind of thing. My sister is his godmother and very close to him.

About 3 weeks ago she tells me she can’t come she’s away with work, she has a job where she travels an awful lot but I had assumed she would have blocked out the date.

Today she posts she’s at a Health/Fitness convention, she’s recently turned into a health/gym nut and I think she’s booked this then realised it’s clashed with DSs thing.

I am annoyed that she’s lied and posted the whole days iternary of FB (she’s turned into a health bore posting work outs at 4am/green juices/boot camp holidays) and said she’s working? DS was upset when I said she couldn’t come today.

DH said forget about it if she had wanted to be there she would have been.

She must have been at WellFest, blowing off family and lying isn’t really what the whole ethos of these things is about! Plus it’s an annual event and you could come over the course of a few days.

A communion is only important to your son, it's not yours to be annoyed about. If he's upset she should apologise to him, if he's not, let it go.

If it’s a first communion I think YABU. She may feel the same way about your religion as you do about her fitness obsession. She probably booked the fitness weekend accidentally over your son’s FC and then couldn’t get a refund. I can see why you would be upset wanting your son to have family there like the other children, but I doubt it will matter to him as much as it does to you. I’m less impressed with your sister for lying about it, though, unless she is trying to start a new career in fitness.

Well this is the most ridiculous thread I've seen in a while.

I'm an atheist but even I understand the importance of this event.

1. she agreed to be a godparent - she's RC so she knew and understood the role and what it required.

2. carrying out the above agreed obligations is non-negotiable - she had plenty of notice.

3. she LIED and posted it on FB - not cool. (Or so it appears - OP I would double check this before making assumptions).

Is she entitled to her own life? Obviously.

Does that mean she gets to shirk her responsibilities towards others (after making a promise) and hurt her nephews feelings? Absolutely not and for those saying he won't remember and it's no big deal: you can't possibly know that, that's how YOU feel about it, not him.

In fulfilling her agreed religious obligations does this require her to plan her entire life around them?

Don't be a dramatic twit, it's a couple of ceremonies throughout an entire life span of someone she's supposed to love and care for and if she had to move her life around once in a blue moon to accommodate a promise; cry me a river.

Bottom line OP - YANBU.

She knew what she signed up for when she agreed.

Maybe she's tired of the obligations and felt that due to her place in the family she couldn't say no, who knows, but yet again we have a situation that could have been avoided with a a bit of honesty and a bit of communication.

You need to talk to her and tell her how you feel and why; she may tell you something totally unexpected that none of us have accounted for so have a little patience, give her the benefit of the doubt and clarify if she will be available for future events.

She's important to you and your family so make that clear to her and try and preserve your relationship but you're definitely owed an explanation on this one.

She IS free to live her life as she sees fit, she is not however free from the consequences of those choices.

#Lifelesson101

Aw, I get you op. It's a big deal for the little ones. It's their first 'big day' that they remember (baptism being the first one). It was quite selfish of her not to have gone.

For dd's, myself & my partner (not her Dad), we had my Dad, My Mum & her partner, her Godmother & her partner, my dsis & her partner, my aunt and uncle on my Dad's side and neighbours back to the house for sandwiches and such - they all came to the church too (with the exception of the neighbours).

She then went shopping to spend her loot

Later that evening we went out for a posh dinner with most of the above, minus my Dad, the neighbours, my aunt & uncle + plus a family friend. She LOVED being the star of the show, the centre of the family, the centre of attention and having all the people who cared about her making a big deal about it! Her Dad isn't in her life, so I was trying my best to make sure to have enough people there to make her feel special.

Did you manage to make the day special for your little son's big day?

I'd have been a bit miffed if her gm couldn't make it - but I chose her because she was always really good to me (good friend for years), and I new she would be good to dd too.

Hope you had a good day regardless!

YABU to expect attendance.

YANBU to expect her not to lie to you.

I'm not sure if it's the same for boys, but for dd, I know she felt like a bride on her wedding day - she was all business - sitting at the head of the table, entertaining everyone. She loved her day and it was simple enough - we didn't have bouncy castles and a massive do as some people have (couldn't afford it!). But she loved it nonetheless. I'd have been quite sad if she had felt let down on the day.

The only other person who I would have liked there would have been her only surviving great grandparent at the time, but she was in very poor health at the time unfortunately.

Did the godfather go? Dd's didn't as he has fallen out with his whole family lol. Poor dd has been let down by a lot of males in her life, bless her.

I knew not I new FFS!

In all honesty she probably finds the idea boring that's why she didn't want to go. The only people really interested in a childs event/s are the parents really and sometimes grandparents.

For those who are not used to the RC faith, it really IS a big deal to the children. They've prepared for a whole year, for the girls, they get to dress up in white dresses, the boys get to put on suits (if you can get them into one - or their cool gear if they're a little unwilling lol).

Even shopping for the dress and shoes was a big day out in the nearest city with my and my sister and dd. It's a massive deal to them!

The girls (can't speak for the boys) talk about it for the whole year. What they're going to wear, who's coming, what they'll be doing on the day and for the mercenaries (dd - I'm eyeballing you ) HOW MUCH DID YOU GET! Not a terribly religious thing to be thinking, but it is what it is!

In some cases you'd have family fly in from abroad for it.

@Boysey45 She should have thought of her her little godson felt for one bloody minute - rather than herself.

asdou I know it is a big deal for the children. And totally boring for non religious adults to attend. I have attended a fair few. The role of the adults is to be an audience, that is it.

And that is fine, but pretty shitty when the kids parents don't take the same interest in your life. And the OP is openly mocking her sisters passions.

Well the OP is probably feeling a little less than charitable towards her sister at the moment. I went through a fitness freak phase, so I do get how 'into' it you can get, but maybe she just didn't think that it might have been important to her godson that she be there. Who knows.

Anyway, the day is done now and I hope you all have a great day regardless! Did he make a fortune? The £ signs can ease the most down of souls......

*had a great day. Jesus - what's wrong with my typing today!!!

It’s not a matter of finding it boring. Some things in life are boring but important and therefore should just be done.

OPs sister may also not be interested and prefer to spend her time at a health convention, again that’s not a good enough reason to not attend the communion. If she is that disinterested in a religious right of passage then she should not have accepted the role of godparent.

In the words of Kes Gray in ‘Oi Cat, “Its not about being comfortable, it’s about doing the right thing.” In this case putting her sister and godson before her own wish to go to the convention.

Also - being asked to be godmother is a massive MASSIVE compliment. So it really shouldn't be undertaken lightly if you've no interest. I'm godmother to one child, and she'll always be on my mind.

It's not like being bridesmaid - you literally only have to show up on the day, promise to bring them up in the Catholic faith (although most cross their fingers behind their backs for that bit) and then show up for their First Communion and Confirmation.
In our family, as in my family of origin, the agreement was that aunts/uncles etc. would only buy Christmas presents for their respective godchildren for e.g. when the amount of cousins got a bit much!

For the children, I don't think they care too much about the religious aspect - much like a lot of Catholic church weddings aren't so much about the religious aspect either (not ideal - but you can blame institutional deprivation among the Catholic clergy for much of that).

It's just your day in the sun really. Your first day being the sole focus of attention with all eyes on you, making a fuss of you.

Though dd was delighted she could now go up with 'the adults' and get Communion too. She loves a bit of pomp and ceremony!

*depravity, not deprivation.

I think I need to lie down as I seem incapable of typing coherently!

She was working, unfortunately in the real world millions of us can't just take time off just like that. YABU.

@FireflyEden

If you read the thread, you'll see that she wasn't working at all! She lied!

She shouldn't have lied but she's entitled to her own life and her own interests. She's not obliged to revolve her time around your child.

What a lot of really really horrible people on this thread!
I am an atheist, but even I know how important first communions are.
Other children will have family making a fuss and he will know that his aunt and godmother could not be bothered to come.
It is NOT EVER ok to disappoint people - especially children - just because you would prefer not do what you have promised.

It is NOT EVER ok to disappoint people - especially children - just because you would prefer not do what you have promised.

^^This with bells on. Fair enough disappointing an adult, but disappointing a child is not the best in fairness.