To be annoyed at my sister for missing an important family event?

[sweetkitty]

I probably am and will probably get flamed but here goes. In January I sent out the date of a important event for my DS, think once in his lifetime imports to him kind of thing. My sister is his godmother and very close to him.

About 3 weeks ago she tells me she can’t come she’s away with work, she has a job where she travels an awful lot but I had assumed she would have blocked out the date.

Today she posts she’s at a Health/Fitness convention, she’s recently turned into a health/gym nut and I think she’s booked this then realised it’s clashed with DSs thing.

I am annoyed that she’s lied and posted the whole days iternary of FB (she’s turned into a health bore posting work outs at 4am/green juices/boot camp holidays) and said she’s working? DS was upset when I said she couldn’t come today.

DH said forget about it if she had wanted to be there she would have been.

@lastqueenofacotland are you the sister? How can you not think the sister was rude??? Honestly at a loss!

YANBU, I went to my friends kids one years ago because it was important to them, I'm atheist and Dd was a baby at the time, I still made the effort.

Could she have quietly fallen out with you/ be distancing herself because you’re so disparaging of her lifestyle?

Wi don’t have any parent so sister is really only family

So she might be feeling the pressure of knowing she’s the only family member and having to turn up to everything because there’s no one else to do it?

I think you should focus on how many family events she has turned up to, not the one she hasn’t.

I mean holy communion’s are so dull and she has been to all the others...
I would let it go

I’ve been around MN for 15 years so knew I would get a range of replies.

Yes it is like she’s found a new religion which is great it’s her right of course and great she wants to be fit and healthy. I’m also vegan and she has turned vegan too now so we can be all vegan together 😀 so no I don’t resent her and totally support her.

No she’s definitely not in a MLM bot cult thing.

I’m just upset as RC Godmother of DS that she couldn’t make his Communion told me it was work when it’s actually a fitness convention (she’s goes to quite a few).

“I mean holy communion’s are so dull and she has been to all the others...
I would let it go“

She’s the fucking godmother!!

Yes it is like she’s found a new religion

Oh the irony!

Your children’s special events do not dictate her life, your children are your priority not hers

Did you miss the bit it was a first Holy Communion? She shouldn't have accepted the role of God Mother if she wasn't prepared to attend.

That’s a bit rude to say all first communions are dull, to all the children making them yesterday they were a very special day. I’ll go to any religious ceremony a friend is having to support the friend.

I am totally not disrespecting her lifestyle as I actually have that lifestyle, in fact she used to laugh at me with my veggie ways now we joke she is worse than me!

As his Godmother, to miss his first holy communion is beyond shit and I would be really pissed off with her. I’m a Catholic though so I’m probably over invested.

That’s a bit rude to say all first communions are dull, to all the children making them yesterday they were a very special day. I've yet to meet a child for whom First Communion meant anything but the money they anticipated receiving.

I think you've been given a hard time Op & that's very unfair. Whilst others may think a first communion is boring or whatever, as his Godmother (& even just as his aunt) she should have been there.

It's especially disappointing that she lied about why she couldn't be.

You're not unreasonable to be upset or annoyed with her but you'd be best to let it go as unless you want to fall out with her, there isn't much you can do about it. It is horrible of her though.

@lastqueenofacotland are you the sister?

Does anyone really still think this is an amusing or clever comment to make? Yes, out of the millions of posters on MN, she’s the fucking sister 🙄 And rather than ringing the OP and saying ‘Why the hell are you bashing me on MN?’, she passively posts about Holy Communion being boring.

Maybe she's away for work over 2 weeks and this event happens to fall near her working away?

Anyway, I still don't think she's unreasonable for not going. I think she could have had the decency to tell you why but still, it really is up to her what she does in her life.
Your son is 9 and although everything seems like a big deal right now, this really isn't.

On reflection I don’t think you are being unreasonable. As someone brought up as Catholic but who no longer practices I know the importance of First Holy Communion. The role of Godparents in Catholicism is very real and they take responsibility for many religious duties. My Godmother is over 60 but still never fails to remind me when I meet her at family events that she still feels responsible for me. TBH it actually makes me feel quite special. It’s a pity that she felt that a fitness convention was more important but I guess that’s the way of things.

My Godmother is over 60 but still never fails to remind me when I meet her at family events that she still feels responsible for me.

Never fails to remind you? How tedious is that?

Oh I will just let it go life’s too short, I don’t resent her new lifestyle, I am not dictating what she should do etc

I’m upset that a person I am really close to chose not to come to something that was really important to my wee DS. I’ll get over it of course won’t hold it against her or anything.

DS was absolutely hyped about his communion, about receiving Jesus for the first time, they work on it from
January it’s very important in the church. (Irony is I’m not even RC it’s all DHs family, before we had DC we chose for them to be brought up RC)

I’ve yet to meet a child for whom First Communion meant anything but the money they anticipated receiving.

Not even practising anymore but I remember being beyond excited about dressing up, receiving communion for the fest time therefore feeling at that exact moment suddenly more grown up, all my family staying over and making a fuss of me. Have no recollection of receiving money. What a ridiculous, cynical comment.

I can totally understand why you feel annoyed and hurt. People always go on about how no one is obliged to do whatever and just because it's important to you doesn't mean it's important to them etc. That's all fine but when it's the norm within the family that you all attend these events it can feel a bit hurtful when someone just decides they cba for your child's thing, especially when you've always made the effort for their various events and celebrations.

YANBU, especially as she has been to the other children's. Your son will know he is the one who has been missed out by her.

And the blatant lying makes it worse.

Round here they work on it for six months in a weekly evening class, not even just after mass, so quite a commitment for a 9 year old.

It is not great of your sister, but she does have her own life.
You need to stop relying on her op, she does not appear to want to be as close to the family as you want her to be. She doesn't have to be the stand in for everyone else that is missing in your life.

Now you know where you stand with her, and if the health thing comes first, then stop inviting her to family occasions. Let her live her own life.

Oh absolutey you are right to be disappointed in her.
The children have been preparing for months and being told how special an event it is. He must be so let down. I especially think it is important for boys as unfortunately , the girls and dresses tend to get a lot of attention.
We all have to attend events that we might not be interested in .For family we should do it out of love and support . And it is especially important if you come from a small family. And the reality is that the ceremony is quite short , usually followed by a meal. Hardly an ordeal !!
Sometimes events conflict - work , her own DCs things, etc...
But a poxy fitness convention ??!! You are so entitled to be upset. Shame on her.

YANBU to be a bit pissed off.

She sounds a bit obsessed with fitness and health. If she is passing over things that are important to her loved ones for a 'gym sesh' that is a bit worrying.