To be annoyed at my sister for missing an important family event?

[sweetkitty]

I probably am and will probably get flamed but here goes. In January I sent out the date of a important event for my DS, think once in his lifetime imports to him kind of thing. My sister is his godmother and very close to him.

About 3 weeks ago she tells me she can’t come she’s away with work, she has a job where she travels an awful lot but I had assumed she would have blocked out the date.

Today she posts she’s at a Health/Fitness convention, she’s recently turned into a health/gym nut and I think she’s booked this then realised it’s clashed with DSs thing.

I am annoyed that she’s lied and posted the whole days iternary of FB (she’s turned into a health bore posting work outs at 4am/green juices/boot camp holidays) and said she’s working? DS was upset when I said she couldn’t come today.

DH said forget about it if she had wanted to be there she would have been.

But a poxy fitness convention ??!! You are so entitled to be upset. Shame on her.

And yet people are offended when someone dares to say first holy communion ceremonies are boring?

Double standards at work here.

She's his godmother, his aunt and was given plenty of notice.

And then she lied.

Yes you are right to be upset. The fitness event may well happen again, first communion won't.

I do sometimes wonder whether some people are on Mumsnet because they have been so spectacularly rude in real life that they have no friends left.....

I just don't get all these ' she can do what she likes' people - who are the same as ' I can say what I like people - that's just me'. Well, you can do and say what you like. What you cant' do is do and say what you like and demand it doesn't affect how other people feel about you.

She's not some random who refused to attend the confirmation. She's the Catholic Godmother refusing to attend her Godson's catholic communion. And she lied about it and didn;t even bother to hide her lie. Of course YANBU ro be upset and nor is your poor godson.

The lying would piss me off, I’d call her out on that and as godmother, this was an important event.

Have no recollection of receiving money.
LOL

I do sometimes wonder whether some people are on Mumsnet because they have been so spectacularly rude in real life that they have no friends left.....

UANBU. I can see why you are annoyed. As she is Godmother and religious too I would expect her to make an effort to be at the Holy Communion.

I would just be so annoyed that she lied and then annoyed again that she posted her itinerary on social media. She is treating you like an idiot.

Just accept that she won't be there but I'd probably mention to her at some point that I knew she wasn't away working and that she'd lied.

I do sometimes wonder whether some people are on Mumsnet because they have been so spectacularly rude in real life that they have no friends left...

No. They wouldn't dare to be so rude in RL. Keyboard warriors

I just don't get all these ' she can do what she likes' people - who are the same as ' I can say what I like people - that's just me'.

No, that's not what saying she can do what she likes correlates to. People can have manners and still not have to attend every bloody kids communion. Op has put SIL in the position of "she's the only family so she must come" when actually, this is wrong.
SIL has her own life and maybe this conference thing was just more important. Lying about it is wrong of course but maybe she feels she doesn't have a choice based on expectations of OP and she's buggered up her lie posting on social media.

poor godson oh ffs.

Lies are not ok.

If her children are older and there is no significant other these fitness friends are like family to her.
BUT
Ye are her family and she should have been there. These fitness days are on everywhere now so she could have caught another one another time.

YANBU

Is there a chance that her work got cancelled & she had forgotten about your event? Then the fitness thing came up & she thought she was free that weekend?

Talk to her.

I've yet to meet a child for whom First Communion meant anything but the money they anticipated receiving.

Not true. That's like saying people who hold a big wedding only do it for the gifts. Yes, there is a lot of palaver that can swamp the actual core event, be it communion or marriage. But as a society we choose to celebrate these events with a bit of fuss and performance, and we remember these days as special and exciting.

Godparents are honoured within the ceremony. A godparent not attending so she can go to the gym is like your mother not attending your wedding because she always goes to lunch with Delma and the girls on Saturday.

I think it’s interesting that her children are old enough to have children. Maybe she feels like it’s her time now and that she’s done her fair share of first communions, children’s parties etc. This fitness bug could be her way of finding something that’s all hers, rather than about being a mother and a grandmother.

That said, she was wrong to lie, and stupid too if she was going to plaster it on FB.

“People can have manners and still not have to attend every bloody kids communion.”
No. BUT THIS PARTICULAR BLOODY KID IS HER GODSON!

BUT THIS PARTICULAR BLOODY KID IS HER GODSON!

Not like you to shout, bertrand.

My alcoholic godmother was roaring drunk in some bar in NYC when I took my first communion. Can’t say I blame her

Of course YANBU. You told her the date ages ago, she accepted, its really rude to then decide she wants to do something else instead AND lie about AND then still post about it on Facebook

My alcoholic godmother was roaring drunk in some bar in NYC when I took my first communion. Can’t say I blame her grin

But you still remember it....because she wasn't where she should have been. And IMO, raging alcoholism is a way better excuse than a fitness convention!

You say yourself that you have been on MN long enough to know there would be a range of responses. In that case why bother?

Why lie if she is going to plaster it all over FB? Have you commented on her post?

I’d expect my DH to let her know (as it’s his sister) that you are all aware of her choice and are hurt.

She’s behaved badly imo

It’s great to have hobbies and interests but choosing something that isn’t a one off over a family event that is a one off and where your attendance would have been very valued is crappy selfish behaviour

I’d pullback from the friendship side of things

id bring up the lie if she really didnt want to go she should have been straight with you

but as godmother she shold have been there or shouldnt accept to be being his godmother inthe first place

How can people possibly defend a woman who lied to get out of her Godson's communion? She could have done her fitness thing any and every other weekend.

Your sister is your DS’s godmother and this is an important religious occasion in his life and imo she should have been there. If you agree to be a godparent then you are making a promise to nurture a child’s spiritual and religious life. If you aren’t up for that then you shouldn’t agree to be a godparent.

I’m an atheist but whenever I’ve been invited to a family or close friends occasion that involves a church/temple etc, I’ve gone because it was an important occasion for them. Would I have rather been doing my own thing instead of listening to a religious service - definitely, but family and friends are important. I’d have been upset too OP especially as yours sounds a small family so one key persons presence is even more important.

Sounds like she's replaced the religious fervour with fitness, darling. Lying's not nice, and plastering where she actually is on facebook is treating you like she thinks you're stupid. Also, mocking your food choices at the last family do was rude too. She wouldn't be my favourite person right now. By the way, being RC doesn't stop people from being bitchy. I think that's exactly how she's been behaving.