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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at my sister for missing an important family event?

305 replies

sweetkitty · 11/05/2019 23:52

I probably am and will probably get flamed but here goes. In January I sent out the date of a important event for my DS, think once in his lifetime imports to him kind of thing. My sister is his godmother and very close to him.

About 3 weeks ago she tells me she can’t come she’s away with work, she has a job where she travels an awful lot but I had assumed she would have blocked out the date.

Today she posts she’s at a Health/Fitness convention, she’s recently turned into a health/gym nut and I think she’s booked this then realised it’s clashed with DSs thing.

I am annoyed that she’s lied and posted the whole days iternary of FB (she’s turned into a health bore posting work outs at 4am/green juices/boot camp holidays) and said she’s working? DS was upset when I said she couldn’t come today.

DH said forget about it if she had wanted to be there she would have been.

OP posts:
missperegrinespeculiar · 12/05/2019 08:08

A religious Godparent and aunt missing First Communion for a fitness convention and people are saying she is not unreasonable? she can't be taking her faith or her commitments as Godparent very seriously, can she? OP, YANBU,

londonrach · 12/05/2019 08:11

Yabu. You sound very unsupportive of your dsis.

GPatz · 12/05/2019 08:12

'It sounds to me like you resent your sister'

Ah, the standard AIBU response.

Antigon · 12/05/2019 08:14

OP, that wasn’t a drip feed you did, but a waterfall Hmm

Not cool.

pictish · 12/05/2019 08:15

It’s the lying that would get to me tbh. When will people learn that people can see what you post on social media, including those you have lied to.
Yanbu to be annoyed about the lie.

Dumdedumdedum · 12/05/2019 08:15

missperefrinespeculiar - I was going to post something similar, but you put it so much better than I could Grin

Antigon · 12/05/2019 08:15

Ah, the standard AIBU response.

Ah standard response from someone who posts after OP has done a drip feed

Dumdedumdedum · 12/05/2019 08:16

missperegrinespeculiar - sorry for typo!

kayvade · 12/05/2019 08:20

oh OP, she's been to all of your other children's communions, she probably thought she was owed a free pass for this one. Don't guilt her. Tell her she was missed. It isn't easy to get out of work stuff.

EleanorReally · 12/05/2019 08:20

that is sad, particularly as she has been to your other dc

3brightstars3 · 12/05/2019 08:23

I would be really upset if my siblings lied to me. We all have our life and priorities but whilst I may tell white lies to other people I hope siblings trust me enough to say the truth.

My brother missed all my child's early birthday parties as they usually fell the same weekend as a festival he used to go to with his friends. He wasn't married and had no kids so I was fine about it obviously

onalongsabbatical · 12/05/2019 08:23

Could she be going through a loss of faith?

LakieLady · 12/05/2019 08:25

Why is it so hard for people to accept that what is, in their eyes, an "important family event" for them isn't necessarily so for other family members? Imo there's nothing wrong with her not attending.

Poor form for saying she'd be there and then baling out though, and for lying about it too, so I suppose YANBU in that respect.

Time4change2018 · 12/05/2019 08:27

Sounds like sil is becoming a little selfish in gaining her 'Me' time now her children have grown up.
I can see why you are upset ... bring an aunt and godmother is a responsibility and I look forward to celebrating my niece and god daughters confession, communion and confirmation with her and our family. The are major events in her life and as her godmother I will be beside her, helping to teach her as well as enjoying our time together

Serin · 12/05/2019 08:36

It sounds like shes been a great Godmother and Aunt so far.
I wonder what has changed for her recently. I think there might be something in comments about MLM, if she has been recruited by one of those organisations it can be very difficult to escape. They operate like religious sects, in fact I think most are owned by the Mormon Church.
I'd just explain to your DS that sadly she cant be there and suggest she takes him out for the day another time. (Weekend in Rome should cover it Grin)

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 12/05/2019 08:37

Understandable you (and he) would be upset.

But I always eye-roll at the number of people on threads like this (and wedding invite ones) where posters pile on to say that people can do what the hell they like. Well, sure, technically of course they can. But do those people saying it's fine really go through life so selfishly, with little or no regard to how they might be upsetting friends and family along the way?
If so, I'm glad I don't know them in real life.

eggsandwich · 12/05/2019 08:41

Your children’s special events do not dictate her life, your children are your priority not her’s.

SmellbowSmellbow123 · 12/05/2019 08:42

Was yesterday “the day” for first communions as I saw a girl in my street in her gown having photos taken then off she went with mum and dad.

BertrandRussell · 12/05/2019 08:42

She’s his godmother. It’s a first communion. Of course she should be there! Utterly bizarre of people to think it’s OK for her not to be unless it’s some sort of emergency.

greenlynx · 12/05/2019 08:46

YANBU, considering that she’s godmother but you can’t do anything about this. It sounds like she’s on different stage of life now when her children are grown and found new “religion”. Of course, she’s entitled to do what she wants in her free time but there are family expectations, especially when the family is small. And lying is not good.
I would bear her attitude in mind for further events and wouldn’t count on her so much, I bet it’s not your last disappointment. I also would be less accommodating for her events, only what’s suits you, otherwise you would feel resentful that you make an effort while she’s not.
At the moment I would tell her that DS was upset (more like a statement of fact) and see what she’ll say.

Coolegary1 · 12/05/2019 08:49

I've seen normal Joe soaps suddenly go health freak to the point they're unrecognizable in personality . It's all about their schedule, diet and costly equipment. End up sidelining their nearest and dearest for their new hobby. They become very self centered.
The thought that what's important to the family ie the event may not be important to wider family can also be reversed to the health convention, I'm with op here and think that she committed to going and as GM she should go, a convention imo is not a strong enough reason to back out. I'd post on her FB page, hope you are having a good day on it, if only to let her Know you know.

Pinkprincess1978 · 12/05/2019 08:50

I'm guessing it's his first holy communion. I would be upset too. She is is god mother as well as Aunty. I am god mother to two of my nephews and I was honoured to go to theirs and I'm looking forward to going to my nieces next year.

However, it clearly wasn't important to her. I would let her know you are disappointed she lied and would have preferred she was honey and said she forgot and double booked herself.

rainbowstardrops · 12/05/2019 08:52

I'd be upset and pissed off too, especially as she's been stupid enough to plaster what she's doing all over Facebook!
Personally, I'd have to mention it to her but that's just the sort of person I am

Morgan12 · 12/05/2019 08:53

MN is so weird when it comes to stuff like this.

Of course she should have been there OP. I'd be annoyed too.

Hollowvictory · 12/05/2019 08:53

There are no once in a lifetime events that would apply to 9 year olds that are so important that save the dates must be sent and all family members attend. Yabu