To be annoyed at my sister for missing an important family event?

[sweetkitty]

I probably am and will probably get flamed but here goes. In January I sent out the date of a important event for my DS, think once in his lifetime imports to him kind of thing. My sister is his godmother and very close to him.

About 3 weeks ago she tells me she can’t come she’s away with work, she has a job where she travels an awful lot but I had assumed she would have blocked out the date.

Today she posts she’s at a Health/Fitness convention, she’s recently turned into a health/gym nut and I think she’s booked this then realised it’s clashed with DSs thing.

I am annoyed that she’s lied and posted the whole days iternary of FB (she’s turned into a health bore posting work outs at 4am/green juices/boot camp holidays) and said she’s working? DS was upset when I said she couldn’t come today.

DH said forget about it if she had wanted to be there she would have been.

Yanbu- if she didn't want to go she should have said. If the event is first communion then, as his godmother, she should be there. Call her out on it. Hopefully she'll apologise.

But we always think our own kids Evers are important. To us parents & the DC yes - others not so much.

If you're Catholic and it's first communion then it's a big deal and, as his godmother she should be there. I'd be very pissed off with her.

She shouldn’t have lied but actually it sounds like you place no value on the things she enjoys and chooses to do in her life. The event you had planned maybe a major thing for you but it’s most likely not for anyone ourwith you, your dh and kids. If you plan these events you have to accept that not everyone will prioritise them as the most important thing in there life.

DS is 9, don’t really want to say what the event was might be too outing but once in a lifetime bigger than a birthday religious celebration

Unless he is the only child this event happens to (unlikely) how on earth can it be outing?

I think yabu. You have no other family so this places alot of pressure and responsibility on her which she might feel is just too much but is obligated to.

You say she came to all of your dds so it seems like she is involved.

Tbh I dont rhink she lied as much as she wanted to let you know indirectly. Why else would she post it on fb knowing you can see it.

Take a step back and think if you are placing too many commitments on her and she just doesnt want to do all of them.

She didn't want to go which is fair enough, she should have been more upfront with her reasons but given your opinion of her hobbies it is not surprising that she didn't.

I doubt the OP will be back now.

If she missed his first holy communion for a fitness weekend then she is very unreasonable, let alone as Godparent and only living family.

YANBU.I’m not a fan of christenings/communion in general, but if she is a god parent she took a vow before witnesses (and god if that’s your thing)to be there for your DS and support him in his religion. She has let him down and broken that promise. I would be upset. It’s irrelevant if she dosent see it as a major event, she promised to be there for him when he was christened, IMO people take on being god parents far to easily, it’s not just a honour and a pretty dress it’s a commitment

Yabu, she has a life too

YANBU. It’s fine for her not to want to go, but to lie about why she can’t go is just hurtful. Especially since she’s clearly not given you even a seconds thought by sharing all about her jolly on Facebook thereby completely announcing that not only is she a crappy godparent but also a total liar. Honestly I’d take it as a sign of how you should view the relationship going forwards- like your DH says, if she’d wanted to be there then she would. And if she’s been to your other children's special days then clearly she views DS as the least important one. I’m not sure I could be bothered with the drama of calling her out on it personally, but it’s up to you if you can. Just remember to keep her at arms length in future for things like this, then you won’t be disappointed.

You are not your sisters keepers, just because something is important to you does not mean it is to her! Let her do what she wants as she is not your Childs mothers, you are and and as long as you are there then thats all that matters!

YABU your sister is perfectly entitled to decide how to spend her time. She should have been upfront but maybe she felt the need to lie to prevent all manner of emotional blackmail.

I can’t believe how many people think the sister was unreasonable... especially when OP was SO rude about sister.
It’s not like she’s missed a wedding/funeral/son competing in the Olympics. I’d not go to a holy communion, although may turn down the event at the initial invite

littlepeas

If it's first holy communion and she's his godmother then YANBU.

This.

Inexcusable. She signed up for it when she agreed to be his godmother nine years ago.
Obviously if she was in hospital or something unavoidable you would have to make do without her support, but just for a weekend away and then to lie about it being a work thing shows she doesn't take her role at all seriously.

Oh MN lots opinions

Yes it was his First Communion I have 3 DDs she has attended all of theirs, she is Godmother to 2 of my children, she has been there when 2 of my children were born.

She is actually my SIL and I changed it around about. She is religious herself as were her family, I am not (not that’s anything to do with it).

She has 2 grown up DC and a grand DC. We have attended everything if there’s including flying home from another county. She knew DS would have his communion this year years ago knew it would be May and it January I told her the date.

The health thing, well of course she’s entitled to have a life she has a fantastic life and job. Proud of her she raised two DC in her own too. Last time she visited she spoke more about food and fitness than her DC or grand DC, mocked our food choices then left early as she had a class and che had been to one that morning.

we have such a tiny family one person missing is like 10 if that makes sense?
I’ll let it go and get on with it, her choice after all I’m just a bit hurt, we are very close and I never thought she would lie to miss something like this.

I can’t believe how rude people are being to the OP.

The sister is the child’s godmother! Of course she should be at his First Holy Communion! She’s his GODMOTHER!

Blimey this is a weird thread.

I'm not Catholic, but even I can see that as a godmother you must attend the first communion of your godchild. YANBU.

OP, is she your DS godmother?

Agree @Katie! Not sure why OP is getting a hard time! If you are a godmother you dont have many jobs but one is to attend religious events!

It does sound like it may have been an accident that she double booked hence the lie!

YANBU to be annoyed but not much you can do about it!

At 9 it's one of many "one in a lifetime" first communions do matter to the individual but not to the wider family. We didn't invite anyone even h (he was dh then) didn't come as it's what she wanted not for us - and this was confirmation at the Cathedral too, btw only dd attended mine too

YANBU, as Godparent she should have been there. I’d tell her that.

Have just re read the OP and I see that she is.

I am godmother to three of my nieces and nephews and turned up to all of the first communions (including the ones I am not GM to). It was quite clear I was required and I understood. And actually, it is really important to a child, I remember mine and my family turning up and being so excited.

That said I would have been most hurt about the lying about it being a work event.