Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding in Public

147 replies

MrsBonnie · 11/05/2019 16:20

AIBU here?

I had my first baby 3 weeks ago and luckily I think we’ve got into a good rhythm with feeding and it’s going well.

My overly pushy mother in law is really wearing me down. She obviously has an issue with me feeding in public as she keeps making comments about how she’d never feed in certain places as it would be off putting for others (church, restaurants etc)

We were at a female friends yesterday,

OP posts:
PleaseJustSayNo · 11/05/2019 16:22

Just smile and nod and say that's nice dear however times have changed a bit since then and I should not feel the need to hide away whilst I feed my baby.

But thank you for your continued concern

Original poster
MrsBonnie · 11/05/2019 16:23

Oops - hit post.

Anyway we were at a friends and baby needed feeding. I got up and faced the wall in the corner and got her on the boob. Sat back down completely discreet and covered. She asked me if I wanted a breastfeeding cover and I said no we are fine thanks. Baby seems to hate it. Anyway she got it out my change bag and threw it at me anyway!

She also runs over to me and holds up a blanket if I feed at her house. It’s just getting me down, added to her many many comments and advice she seems to think I want to hear.

OP posts:
octonoughtcake3 · 11/05/2019 16:24

Tell her the pope has encouraged breast feeding during services.

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 11/05/2019 16:24

I'd stop spending time with her till baby weans...so perhaps another 3 years or so...

Catscakeandchocolate · 11/05/2019 16:24

If you feel comfortable go for it and don't let anyone dissuade you. I feed DD2 all the time in public and have no issue if people catch a glimpse of my nipples. If someone has an issue it is their issue not yours and don't be afraid to say so if they say anything. To be fair no one has said anything to me in public but I have seen people (generally older men) give me disapproving looks.

Hangingtrousers · 11/05/2019 16:25

Oh she sounds annoying.
I would have thrown it back at her... Hate feeding covers.
Ignore and feed where and when you want!

Treaclesweet · 11/05/2019 16:26

Have your partner tell her to back off, she's really out of line. I would also be spending less time with her, you need supportive people around you right now.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 11/05/2019 16:27

I would say politely (as you have done) no thank you I don't need a cover or to move.
If she persists maybe point out that the cover and her fussing is creating more of an issue than the breastfeeding
Can your dh have a word and gentle tell her that if it continues you won't want to spend time with her and the baby

Sparrowlegs248 · 11/05/2019 16:27

Yanbu. I'd have to tell her, the law is on your side here.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 11/05/2019 16:31

Meant to say YNBU

I've fed 3 dd in public (not at the same time!) and never had any negative comments. Most people are focused on their own lives and issues and don't notice breastfeeding most of the time anyway

PleaseJustSayNo · 11/05/2019 16:31

Oh wow! Posted between posts.

That's is completely unacceptable and I think you need to make this clear to her. This has nothing to do with her and if she has a problem then that is her issue not yours and she can kindly take herself elsewhere if she wishes

ZoeWashburne · 11/05/2019 16:34

"MIL, it seems my breastfeeding bothers you. Baby and I have developed a rhythm, and I don't need a cover, nor need suggestions from you. If it bothers you, please feel free to leave, or not to come with me to events. But it would seem such a shame for baby to miss out on time with their gran because of old fashioned views."

Jemima232 · 11/05/2019 16:35

I breastfed all four of my babies in church, and more than once I fed them on the Tube in London. No weird cover. And in all the years I breastfed my babies, I only had one negative remark about it, and it was certainly not from my mother.

Your DM has a problem, not you, OP. I don't know what to advise, other than continuing to do what you're doing. She'll get used to it eventually.

Congratulations on your new baby!

dustarr73 · 11/05/2019 16:37

Put the feeding cover on her head,problem solved.I fed everywhere,never had a problem.Only time i went to a different room is i fancied being on my own with the baby.Otherwise i fed everyhere.

AwdBovril · 11/05/2019 16:37

Tell her people are welcome not to look if it offends them. If they are looking, it obviously doesn't offend. Therefore, no problem. And throw throw the cover back.

Lelly0503 · 11/05/2019 16:38

My mil does some of the things in your post and it is annoying. I just want to quietly feed & almost go un noticed without fuss (and actually I find it easier to get baby on when I just get on with it myself) but she’ll do the whole holding a cover up in front of me, which makes me feel rushed and pressured to get baby on to save her standing there, or she’ll say oh I think we need to leave the room now!! And I think no just let me get on with it. She BF all her kids so it’s quite odd behaviour. I just try and ignore it now.

AwdBovril · 11/05/2019 16:39

I sympathise, BTW. Only person who had a problem with me BFing in public, was my mother. She kept trying to cover me up. DD didn't like it & used to pull away sharply without first loosening her suction. Very painful.

MeredithGrey1 · 11/05/2019 16:40

If she doesn’t like you feeding at her house then I’d suggest to her that you and the baby can always stop visiting if she’d prefer.
Ditto going out with her, I’d tell her she’s free to not come if she’s uncomfortable.

LaurieMarlow · 11/05/2019 16:41

Any time she pulls out the cover threaten to put it over her head. Only way. Wink

BareBelliedSneetch · 11/05/2019 16:43

I fed mine in Westminster Abbey. With no cover. I didn’t get stuck down by lightning!

Ask her to stop. Or ignore her. Feed your baby how and where you are comfortable. With or without a cover. It’s entirely up to you, and no one else. You don’t need to face the corner either.

Thinkle · 11/05/2019 16:45

Thought you’d appreciate this:

Breastfeeding in Public
SignedUpJust4This · 11/05/2019 16:50

Tell her you won't be seeing her til baby is weaned as she obviously is uncomfortable with you breastfeeding.

Either that or walk in with both tits out squirting milk at her.

Why are there so many people out there determined to ruin someone's breastfeeding experience!

FrowningFlamingo · 11/05/2019 16:50

Haha I love that @thinkle !
I've been offered use of the vestry if I want it but encouraged to feed wherever I want...

Isthisafreename · 11/05/2019 16:51

I would get dh to have a word with her and tell her to back off. I would also call her out on it whenever she does any of that stuff. So she throws you the cover (which, BTW, I would remove from the changing bag as there is no need for it) or a blanket or whatever, I would tell her you said you didn't need it and could she please put it back where she got it. If she stands in front of you with a blanket, I would ask her to please move as she is making you feel uncomfortable. If she still continues, I just wouldn't be around her.

I fed all 3 of mine for between 9 and 24 months. I fed the boys anywhere and everywhere. Once my dd was about 2-3 months old, we had to go somewhere relatively private as she was so bloody nosey. She either kept getting on and off to see what was going on or would just look around while stretching my nipple (ouch) so the feed would take forever.

Waveysnail · 11/05/2019 16:53

Mist people never knew I was feeling as used the top up, best top down method. Only time iv been a little taken aback was when friend just opened her top, basically sat naked on the top and bf in public - being a supportive friend of course didnt say anything