Breastfeeding in Public

[MrsBonnie]

AIBU here?

I had my first baby 3 weeks ago and luckily I think we’ve got into a good rhythm with feeding and it’s going well.

My overly pushy mother in law is really wearing me down. She obviously has an issue with me feeding in public as she keeps making comments about how she’d never feed in certain places as it would be off putting for others (church, restaurants etc)

We were at a female friends yesterday,

@Copperandtod If people age uncomfortable seeing a boob then they are idiots should look away. These are the people that make breastfeeding mothers uncomfortable feeding in public and that is much worse. Don't make excuses for them, they just need to get a grip.

If you went to a water park with your kids women wouldn’t be wandering around with no top on and just bikini bottoms unlike a man in trunks so they are not the same. A woman’s chest is very different from a mans. I don’t think anyone can disagree with that

. A woman’s chest is very different from a mans. I don’t think anyone can disagree with that

🤦🏻‍♀️

Yes, they are different because boobs exist to feed babies, which is what this thread is about! What the hell does comparing them to men have to do with anything???!

ASk anothertempusername

Why should her DH speak to her? Can OP not speak for herself? Seriously OP you need ask her what the problem is and tell her how her behaviour is making you feel. Once you've said your piece, if she still can't stop making a fuss and dicking around with blankets then my visits would become very infrequent if it were me. If she wants to see the baby then she can come to you.

A woman’s chest is very different from a mans. I don’t think anyone can disagree with that

Well I don’t think anyone would disagree with that. At the same time I’ve no idea what point you’re attempting to make.

@Copperandtod Jesus Christ.

Women have breasts to feed babies. Any other difference seen between that and a man's chest is purely sexual. Breastfeeding is not a sexual act so why should women feed discreetly to appease people who sexualise breasts?

Laurie Marlow I was simply responding to speedybojangles who said they were the same

Sorry it was anothrrtempusernane not speedy

Also agree Laurie Marlow with your posts

I fed all of mine in public and I dint think anyone ever even noticed except the glugging noise my daughter made! . It’s not like you take your top off and flop your boob out! I never understand it if you lift your top up there is nothing to see.

Copperandtod - I’m very “discreet” ... I wouldn’t want anyone seeing my nipple more for me than them - I couldn’t care less what they think. I’ve tried being direct with her about other things and she doesn’t seem to bat an eyelid. She saw me taking a painkiller the day after the birth and remarked how concerned she was. “I wouldn’t take that” ... “I’ve checked with the midwife and they’re safe to take. I’m in agony and I’m taking a pill to help”

A week later she messages me to say she can’t stop thinking about me taking those pills (I hadn’t taken one since that time!) and she is concerned that they might be causing the baby to sleep too much. newsflash - newborns sleep lots!

I don’t know how much more direct I can be, so I may need to cut down the contact.

When I speak to DH about it, he says that’s just how she is and we need to accept it. Mums and their sons.

why should women feed discreetly to appease people who sexualise breasts?
Exactly this. Just because something makes someone else uncomfortable doesn't mean you don't do it. I remember a time when it wouldn't have been considered acceptable for a gay couple to kiss in public because it might make people uncomfortable.

If a natural human act makes you uncomfortable you are the one with the problem

I don’t know how much more direct I can be, so I may need to cut down the contact

Next time she sends an interfering text reply to say that you don't appreciate her interfering with the way you choose to parent and it is making it hard to want to spend time with her as you don't know what she will criticise next. If even that doesn't work then I agree you need to cut back contact. DH can see her on her own.

It’s not like you take your top off and flop your boob out!
With DCs 1 &2 I faffed bout with covers and layers lifting up and pulling things down. Now with dc 3 I just can't be bothered anymore. I am not saying I take my top off but I am not bothered about being discreet

Mrs Bonnie I think you will need to cut contact with her. Her loss. Good luck with new baby and breast feeding

Maybe try this

When you have a baby you need to develop a thick armour, on the cover though, I wouldn’t dump it just yet, mine is a god send for a post feed boob adjustment or if it’s hot out and I’ve a strapping top on I drape it over a shoulder so I don’t feel completely naked. It’s basically covered a ton of functions just not baby’s head

Her antiquated views are why feeding rates are low- tell her to mind her own business

Midwife here. I think it can be a generational thing I hear these comments all the time in the ward. Just let her know you will feed your baby when you want and where you want without being hid away underneath a cover. As you said you can feed discreetly so the public don't need to feel "embarrassed" that's their choice to feel this way. Breasts are for breastfeeding and you are providing your baby and her grandchild with a great start in life.

It's a fucking sad state of affairs when women on a parenting site suggest you should breastfeed discreetly. You should be ashamed @Copperandtod

why should women feed discreetly to appease people who sexualise breasts?

A hundred times this. The "d" word is routinely used to put women off breastfeeding even in their own homes.

We live in a society where women's breasts appear every five minutes on the media, print news, FB feeds - but the "d' word is only ever used for women using them to actually feed a baby.

When I speak to DH about it, he says that’s just how she is and we need to accept it

But he isn't accepting he is telling you that you have to accept it. Its not his behaviour and child care she is undermining. He needs to have your back and you may need ot have a frank conversation with her to explain you feel undermined by all the negative comments.

If she still persists and he doesn't support you then I would be reducing the time I spent with her.

Technically and if we want to go very deep. Your MIL is breaking the law, passing comment about where you should and shouldnt breastfeed.
By law women can breast Feed absolutely anywhere. There are no exceptions to this

Just tell your DM to sod off and come back in a few years/months when you've finished breastfeeding, if she can't handle it.

Darling you've got enough on your plate to worry about her and her comments, you do you and just bat her off when the situation arises. As for tx's, remind yourself that you don't need to reply, just don't give her any airtime to be weird and OTT!
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