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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding in Public

147 replies

MrsBonnie · 11/05/2019 16:20

AIBU here?

I had my first baby 3 weeks ago and luckily I think we’ve got into a good rhythm with feeding and it’s going well.

My overly pushy mother in law is really wearing me down. She obviously has an issue with me feeding in public as she keeps making comments about how she’d never feed in certain places as it would be off putting for others (church, restaurants etc)

We were at a female friends yesterday,

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 11/05/2019 16:55

I fed all mine wherever they needed feeding. In shops occasionally I declined the offer of a toilet but I never negotiated.

My MiL(who would now be in her 90s) was of the Truby King generation and a bit iffy about it breastfeeding in general, and it could be a bit undermining first time around, but she absolutely never would have said anything in public.

Tell her you appreciate she feels differently from you but its undermining to be constantly have her drawing attention to you in this way - most people don't even notice until someone else points it out.

BumbleBeee69 · 11/05/2019 16:56

Get your Tits our wherever you like OP, nobody really cares, but I'd stop taking your MIL with you when you do Flowers

C8H10N4O2 · 11/05/2019 16:58

Put the feeding cover on her head,problem solved

OP has stated the baby doesn't like it. The problem is not the lack of a cover, its intolerance of feeding a baby.

TrixieFranklin · 11/05/2019 16:59

Stick a towel over her head every time she has a drink or something to eat.

coconutpie · 11/05/2019 17:00

I suggest that next time she throws the cover at you, you throw it back at her and tell her to put the cover over her head so that she won't have to look at your nursing your beautiful baby.

Also, the pope has told women to bf in churches.

I would also stop spending time with MIL until she can cop the fuck on and stop getting offended over breasts being used for their actual purpose.

labazsisgoingmad · 11/05/2019 17:02

stupid woman when my daughter breastfed i was proud of her no matter where it was

MadCattery · 11/05/2019 17:04

My son was about 12 when my grandmother died and I brought home some items from her home. One was a statue of Our Lady of La Leche, the mother of Jesus feeding him. My son looked stunned! I said “honey, how did you think baby Jesus was fed?” And he said” I dunno, Mom. Maybe he could turn water into formula. “. Smart ass kid.

Isthisafreename · 11/05/2019 17:05

@C8H10N4O2 - OP has stated the baby doesn't like it. The problem is not the lack of a cover, its intolerance of feeding a baby.

I think the poster meant to put the cover on mil's head.

Alternatively, she could get this cover or hat - m0.herfamily.ie/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/05151804/bfcom2.jpeg

kyles101 · 11/05/2019 17:08

How infuriating! I think you have to be firm with her, explain she makes more of a scene by doing what she's doing and either she stops or you stop spending time together until dc is weaned.

I'm 23 weeks and hoping to breastfeed and was worried about comments when out and about so read up on here etc and am really sad to see that by far the most likely culprits for negative comments were Mothers / MILs. I think it must be a generational thing?

microferret · 11/05/2019 17:09

feeding covers suck, she is being weird. breastfeeding is normal and natural and you're just going to have to wear her down instead. my tits were out all the time when my kids were newborn and my uptight FIL eventually got used to it. If he can, anyone can

AudTheDeepMinded · 11/05/2019 17:09

'Mind yer own tits' is a good one?

microferret · 11/05/2019 17:10

I'm looking forward to the days when feeding covers are for putting over the heads of people who complain about public breastfeeding tbh

C8H10N4O2 · 11/05/2019 17:13

I think the poster meant to put the cover on mil's head

Oh fair enough - if so then apologies to the pp!

Copperandtod · 11/05/2019 17:13

Are you generally quite discreet or do you bare all?

LillithsFamiliar · 11/05/2019 17:14

I breastfed everywhere - supermarkets, parks, churches, shops. My DM was a bit like your DMIL. It made her feel uncomfortable. If she was getting agitated about it, I'd sit in a different room instead. It meant I could feed the way I wanted (without a cover)and she didn't have to worry about a visitor seeing a random nipple in her sitting room.
As for unsolicited advice, welcome to parenthood.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 11/05/2019 17:14

Congratulations on new baby
Feeding cover isn’t compulsory,if is works use it.if not don’t,simple as that
It’s a shame your mil seems so intent on forcing her prejudices upon you and how you feed

clutterqu33n · 11/05/2019 17:15

get a large scarf and put it over MiL's head next time you have a meal together Bet she will love it.

Nonnymum · 11/05/2019 17:18

I am sorry you are having this difficulty with your Mil. Establishing breastfeeding in the early days can be difficult enough without people being so unhelpful.
I would try to explain to her that breastfeeding is normal, that is what your breasts are for, that you are doing your best for your baby and that current advice is you should feed her whenever and wherever she needs it. If she can't understand and continues to ask you to cover up I would try not to spend anytime with her.
You are not doing anything shameful and there is no reason you should cover up or hide away. If people are embarrassed it is their problem not yours.

Isthisafreename · 11/05/2019 17:19

I assume feeding covers are a new thing. My dc range from 16 to 21 and they weren't around when I was feeding them. You might see a occasional woman using a muslin cloth if the baby was easily distractable but otherwise we just got on with it. I think it's sad that society really hasn't moved on much, and if anything has regressed, in terms of acceptance of breastfeeding as a natural, normal way to feed a child.

badg3r · 11/05/2019 17:19

She is being massively unreasonable. What does your DH say? I would be inclined to say next time that you are going to feed the baby so maybe she wants to leave since it obviously makes her feel uncomfortable. If you don't use it, w cover at home do she can't get it out.

Purpleartichoke · 11/05/2019 17:23

If she has a problem with you feeding her grandchild, then she should just stay away.

Lunde · 11/05/2019 17:27

Ask her why she feels a need to draw everyone's attention to your bfing by making such a fuss.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/05/2019 17:33

That sounds incredibly wearing. Do you know what’s behind the behaviour? Is she jealous that you are feeding perhaps because this means she can’t bottle feed? Or perhaps because this was how she was treated when your dh was a baby? Maybe she was discouraged from breastfeeding.

FortheloveofJames · 11/05/2019 17:33

It’s attitudes like this that can be so damaging in the early days of feeding, especially if your a first time mum and it’s your first time establishing feeding. She is the one being massively unreasonable here, not you. Just feed your baby whenever you need to and don’t give how she feels about it a second thought. It’s coming into summer and tbh I don’t think I’d like to be covered if it’s warm. I fed DS anywhere, anytime- being as discreet as I could because that’s how I felt most comfortable but I never used a cover. I just ignored any negativity and focused on baby. I had one family member who was anti breastfeeding and found it very uncomfortable, but after a few months of being exposed to it it just because normal and they weren’t so bothered anymore. It’s sad the attitudes of some haven’t moved on.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 11/05/2019 17:39

Does your mil eat her dinner with a cover over her head?no.neither should your baby