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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding in Public

147 replies

MrsBonnie · 11/05/2019 16:20

AIBU here?

I had my first baby 3 weeks ago and luckily I think we’ve got into a good rhythm with feeding and it’s going well.

My overly pushy mother in law is really wearing me down. She obviously has an issue with me feeding in public as she keeps making comments about how she’d never feed in certain places as it would be off putting for others (church, restaurants etc)

We were at a female friends yesterday,

OP posts:
user87382294757 · 11/05/2019 17:46

This reminds me of my mum when DC were little, she would say things like could I not wait till be get home, or try and cover me up. It was horrible- I still remember going into the horrible smelly Mothercare room for nappies to placate her, and sitting there when she frowned away. Not supportive!

FIL was worse, going on about how I was enjoying that and winking like it was a sexual thing. Grim.

Some people are just like this. I just grew in confidence and began to ignore it. One of those muslin things is a simple thing to use and baby can hang onto it too, you don't need a cover, (or my mum even used to use herself to stand in front of me once!- at a wedding)- she was the cover!

I am now NC with my mum for other reasons also but this did not help!

pigsDOfly · 11/05/2019 17:46

I bf all three of mine everywhere, all born in the 1980s when it wasn't so usual to see bf mothers out and about.

Only once did I have a really nasty comment and that was in America from my then husband's brother's MIL; my response wasn't any politer than her remarks.

Quite honestly, even then, most people either didn't notice, didn't care, or ignored me.

Your MIL is being ridiculous, and if someone had put a cover in front of me I'd have got up and walk away from them.

My DD has bf all of hers and as far as I know never had a negative remark, in face she's told me how many, usually, older women have said how lovely it is to see a mother bf her baby.

Don't let your MIL wear you down. Try to be a bit more assertive with her about what you are going to do and how you're going to do it and that sitting behind a modesty blanket is not in your plans

MotherofPearl · 11/05/2019 17:48

Your MIL is bang out of order OP. No wonder bf rates are low if women are being tutted at for feeding their babies - by members of their own families no less.

I bf my 3 in all sorts of bizarre places and never had any comments or reactions of any kind. Why do some people insist on making such a big deal about it - if you are happy with your feeding arrangements it should be utterly unremarkable for anyone else.

bengalcat · 11/05/2019 17:49

Just stop spending time with her x

Baloonphobia · 11/05/2019 17:51

Another vote for stop spending time with her. If she wants to see her grandchild, she'll have to change.

SpeedyBojangles · 11/05/2019 17:53

@Copperandtod She said she turned to face the wall to put baby on the boob and then sat back so I think that was discreet enough.

But why should it matter?

Boom45 · 11/05/2019 17:54

The priest in the village my family come from in Spain absolutely insisted i came into his church to feed my baby - he thought it was too hot for us both sat out in the square. He usered me in and brought me water and some biscuits and said something like (in Spanish so i am roughly translating as my spanish is rough!) " if it's good enough for Our Lady it's good enough for his church.
Tell your MIL that if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to be there - if nothing else without her flapping about it it's unlikely anyone would even notice.

Boom45 · 11/05/2019 17:56

Also, ignore the "generally discreet" bullshit. The topic of breastfeeding is like a competitive sport for women-shaming, even on here.

whohaa · 11/05/2019 17:58

I hope you threw it back at her!

Copperandtod · 11/05/2019 17:59

Speedy I was asking about generally as some people can feel uncomfortable seeing full frontal boobs

Smeldra · 11/05/2019 18:01

It took me a few weeks to feel comfortable feeding in public, but once I got used to my weapons of mass lactation (big and a very powerful let down - I once squirted the next door table in a cafe!) I fed everywhere happily. I never had any negative comments and once had an older lady come over to stroke DS's head whilst I was feeding him 😊

SpeedyBojangles · 11/05/2019 18:03

Copper... but that's the MIL's issue not OPs.

Anothertempusername · 11/05/2019 18:06

@Copperandtod I'm hoping you don't feel uncomfortable; cause tits are literally for feeding babies.

ChoudeBruxelles · 11/05/2019 18:06

“If breastfeeding upsets you mil then I suggest you look elsewhere”.

MeredithGrey1 · 11/05/2019 18:06

FIL was worse, going on about how I was enjoying that and winking like it was a sexual thing. Grim.

Jesus Christ. He sounds vile.

Copperandtod · 11/05/2019 18:08

To make it clear I think OPs MIL should be supporting her and encouraging but the fact remains that some people find it uncomfortable when others breastfeed if they do not do it discreetly - tops whipped up both boobs on full show. Mothers should be able to breastfeed wherever and whenever it’s needed. That’s the whole point obviously but some people are more comfortable with naked boobs than others are

Baloonphobia · 11/05/2019 18:09

FIL was worse, going on about how I was enjoying that and winking like it was a sexual thing. Grim.

Ugh, just threw up a bit in my mouth.

pudcat · 11/05/2019 18:10

The only one I didn't breastfeed in front of, was my b in l. Nasty leering bugger

Copperandtod · 11/05/2019 18:11

ANothertempusername I have seen it done discreetly. I have also seen tops getting whipped up, boobs out, walking across a room in public before baby is picked up. There is a difference

Copperandtod · 11/05/2019 18:12

And as pudcat and others have said some people leer. Bloody awful but reality

Youngdumbandfullofrum · 11/05/2019 18:14

Eurgh reminds me of my insufferable NC exmil. I let her run with the idea I couldn't possibly feel comfortable feeding my DD around people just to get her to leave us alone. . . Bloody dementor.

firstimemamma · 11/05/2019 18:15

I'd feel tempted to run up and hold a blanket over your mil the next time she bites into a sandwich!

Seriously though, has your dh spoken to her? I think he needs to and if she won't listen, sadly you might have to find a way to ignore her terrible attitude.

Don't change what you're doing and keep it up Thanks

Anothertempusername · 11/05/2019 18:15

@Copperandtod I whip a whole boob out because mine are massive and I don't want to put a blanket / muslin over me or my baby. I couldn't care less if people feel uncomfortable. It's a tit for Christ's sake, a topless man and a topless woman are just the same. I'll feed where and when I (and my baby!) wants; if people are uncomfortable that is really their problem.

LaurieMarlow · 11/05/2019 18:16

the fact remains that some people find it uncomfortable when others breastfeed if they do not do it discreetly

Quite aside from the fact that I’ve never seen anyone show two naked boobs, that’s the MIL’s issue and she’ll just need to get over herself.

I hate the D word. It causes unnecessary stress for bfing mothers. Ability to be ‘discrete’ (barf) is largely dependent on issues outside of the mothers control (size of breasts, latch, supply, baby’s temperament).

firstimemamma · 11/05/2019 18:17

"Either that or walk in with both tits out squirting milk at her."

@SignedUpJust4This 😂😂😂😂