Breastfeeding in Public

[MrsBonnie]

AIBU here?

I had my first baby 3 weeks ago and luckily I think we’ve got into a good rhythm with feeding and it’s going well.

My overly pushy mother in law is really wearing me down. She obviously has an issue with me feeding in public as she keeps making comments about how she’d never feed in certain places as it would be off putting for others (church, restaurants etc)

We were at a female friends yesterday,

Well done on breastfeeding! I’m on week 14 and know how hard it can be.
If MIL won’t behave then just cut contact right down.

I find it really sad that people still behave like that OP. My DMiL would have done that 45 years ago. Surely we have moved on.

I'm breastfeeding my 8 month old and still can't believe some of the attitudes towards breastfeeding. My MIL didn't breastfeed her children. Early on she would encourage me to go upstairs to feed, when at her house. Or when she was at ours, if I was feeding she'd avoid raising her head to look in my direction, in a peculiar exaggerated fashion, as if I had my breasts out inappropriately and she was doing us all a favour by not looking over. I just dealt with this all head on! 'MIL, why do you keep encouraging me to go upstairs? I feed everywhere you know.. in Costa and everything'.

The most recent was in a restaurant that they'd chosen to take us to, which wasn't particularly child friendly, and when I said I was going to feed my baby she said 'have you got somewhere to feed him?' I said 'yes!? Right where I'm sitting!!'

Just don't take her crap. Congratulations on your new baby!

You're more tolerant than I would be op. Its absolutely no business of hers when you take a painkiller or where you feed your baby. It puzzles me to think how she could be under the illusion that she gets to have an opinion, on the painkiller thing in particular tbh. Bf attitudes could be put down to generational differences, not that it makes it ok!

If it were me I'd cut the contact to a minimum but without making a big statement about it. Perhaps simply making alternative plans so you're busy at times you might otherwise spend time together. This seems like the path of least resistance seeings as your husband just wants to accept this as 'how things are'.

I think with people like this you just need to be blunt! Next time she tries it quite bluntly tell her that her interfering when you're feeding is getting on your nerves and if she's got such a problem with it you won't come visit with baby until he/she stops breastfeeding.

My Fil leaves the room when ever I feed Ds still and he's 7 months. He doesn't say anything to me or expect me to move though. He sees me start to feed him and he suddenly needs to go get something/do something. Mil just shakes her head at him and says "I'll let you know when she's done shall I" to which he acts like he doesn't know what she's talking about.

Don't allow her to make you feel so uncomfortable. Your in the right she's in the wrong... On so many levels

I just wouldn't see her until baby is weaned off. Deadly serious I would cut her off completely and tell why exactly why

What does your OH say about it? I hope to god he pulls her up on it!

Next time she throws you a cover, just drape it over her head. Problem solved!

I would certainly advise not having the cover with you if you don't want to use it!

Other than that, I agree with everyone else. Tell her if she continues to make yo unhappy about breastfeeding then you won't be spending time with her.

ANothertempusername I am not ashamed in the slightest. Breastfeeding should be done anywhere anytime but it’s should be done discreetly. End of

but it’s should be done discreetly. End of

What about the women reading this who worry that they’re not being ‘discreet’ enough (because they’ve got large boobs for example or baby struggles to latch, totally out of their control).

What if attitudes like yours actually put them off feeding in public and/or bfing altogether. He would you feel about that?

That’s why I think the D word should be banned from bfing debate.

Bloody hell I would be telling MIL to fuck right off.

DS is 8 months and far more interested in the world around him so constantly on and off when feeding. Neither of us like a cover. I literally could not give a shit if someone sees a bit of nipple, I’m just feeding my son. No one has ever said anything negative though so i guess I’m very lucky.

What's considered discreetly @Copperandtod? Not showing nipples? Not seeing much breast tissue?

I'm as discreet as I feel like being, I'm not particularly bothered if someone gets a glance at my nipple or can see the fleshy part. It's just boobs, heck some of our newspapers have them plastered on their pages.
When we went away when Ds was tiny and I was only wearing a bikini, you could see more of the boob he wasn't feeding from than the one he was.

If people don't want to see they could you know, look away.

I agree with your points with regards to latching on etc but you feed out of a nipple not out of a whole boob. People don’t choose to feel uncomfortable with breasts on show some people can’t help it. I don’t think OPs mil is being supportive. I think she’s out of order making her feelings known but the discussion has opened up the wider debate about the fact some people feel embarrassed. They can’t help it. It’s on that basis that I have my view on the discreet.

So what's discreet to you @Copperandtod?

People don’t choose to feel uncomfortable with breasts on show some people can’t help it.

People do choose whether to look and/or notice or not because actually breastfeeding a baby isn't anything to do with anyone apart from the mum & baby.

TBH I’d sit your DH down now and have a serious talk. What you are doing for his child is incredible. It’s hard work, it takes a toll on your body but it’s massively worthwhile as the benefits are fantastic. Your DH needs to be an advocate for you and your DC. He needs to be your biggest supporter, he needs to deal with his mother and shut her down when she says shit like this. He needs to realise how lucky he is that you are providing his child with the best start in life and bloody well act accordingly.

My MIL was dreadful with breastfeeding, very similar to yours. Sniping horrible comments, pretty much constantly. Doing her best to undermine me. My DH hates confrontation, especially with his mother, and really struggled. He agreed with me and was angry she would say things but wouldn’t do anything about it. By the time I had fed DD1 to 2.5 I no longer gave any fucks about MIL and what she said. And wonderfully, by the time we had DD2, DH finally found his voice and shut her down when she started making comments. She didn’t give us any more bother after that.

I think you will find I wished OP well with baby and breastfeeding. Somewhat confused otter

It took my daughter six weeks to latch on and numerous midwives and lactation specialists grabbing my boobs and nipples and trying to get her to feed. Am I fuck pissing about with covers and muslins and making it more difficult and stressful for her to latch on because someone might see a bit of boob. I wear a nursing vest that I unclip, baby latches on and I don't worry about trying to cover the bit of breast that's visible around her head. I dare someone to come up and say something to me about being 'discreet'

Tell her to fuck off. I did.

I bf both of my children and sometimes I use a cover in public and other times I don't, it depends what I'm wearing at the time and how comfortable I feel, but I would never insist on someone else covering up, especially in their own home.

It really is her problem if she can't handle seeing you breastfeed. Carry on as you are, she will just have to get over it if she wants to see her grandchild.

@Copperandtod you're wrong, and your views are damaging. End of.

Put the cover over her fecking head.

“There you go, you won’t see any feeding now”