To think husband could be a bit more husbandly?

[ilovemycatmorethanyou]

This is a little lighthearted so please don’t let’s go all LTB 😂

Name changed as it could be a bit outing.

DH and I went out last night for a meal and drinks with friends, we don’t go out very often, maybe once a month.

When we arrived he bought me a drink and we sat down at the table. We weren’t in a round with anyone and the other girls husbands were going up to the bar to buy their drinks. My glass had been empty for a while so I got up to buy myself a drink, asked if he wanted one but he didn’t.

We have independent finances, always have had.

AIBU to wonder why I’m the only female getting up to buy her own drink? I felt a bit peeved by it.

Am I being a princess?

My husband goes and gets the drinks. As I seldom have alcohol (train a lot) this normally means I have a row of undrunk juices and waters on the table after an hour . But no way would I queue up to bring him his beers! I do bung him cash if I feel like doing so though.

I don't understand why your husbad would sleep in i your bed and keep house with you but no buy you a fucking drink tbh. What a cheapskate.

I am just thinking actually when we go on holiday I sort everything out except the money. I usually fetch the currency but as soon as we get to the destination we hire a safe then that’s me done. He sorts all cash out after that and pays for things and works out when we need to change more /draw some out. I quite like that too - one less thing for me to think about.

Mojito let’s get straight to your observations
Equality is all well and good and politically correct but its not exactly romantic or sexy is it?
That is a statement about gender roles + power = romance And sex. You’re making it a transaction. Power is tied up in maleness and inequality and in return a woman gets roman e and sexy

if you reduce complex interactions to basic human psychology you're spectacularly daft
Man paying isn’t basic in least it’s a complex and layered social expectation/habit that’s at root of patriarchy

It’s about the gesture. Some women prefer a men who will take the lead or make the gesture in certain areas. I’m one of them and if it makes me old-fashioned, I’m fine with that.

I am appalled by this thread. Good God. This sort of attitude plays a huge part in why true equality is not happening. Women considering their sex so dainty that a man must do the important stuff like handling money (or here, being SEEN to handle the money) attend the bar, converse with the service person etc while the ladies adjust their tiaras and no doubt undertake some embroidery and simper at pictures of kittens.

It's people like you who are helping to ensure a gender pay gap and a firmly maintained glass ceiling for your daughters (and mine). I hope they enjoy their subservient lives playing second fiddle to their more important chivalrous menfolk.

As a disabled woman, I find it quite awkward that there are women who won’t to go to the bar. Use your legs and be grateful they work properly. In my marriage, we do nice things for each other but it’s never a set rule. It’s the expectation that “the man” goes to the bar which makes me feel weird inside. I wouldn’t leave my husband without a drink and vice versa.

@Lipstick I'm pleased you're happy with the dynamics of your relationship but please don't belittle or try to tell us that we are victims of misogyny or some form of disrespect because we prefer a more chivalrous approach.
I enjoy my role as a woman who gets waited on by the husband and that's all I can say to the reasons why I guess. can't be arsed to explain

@honeylulu you know why true equality isn't happening? Not because of the views of PPs on this thread for starters.
Your whole post is a monumental cock up of assumptions.

Youre belittled enough by yourself and your partner in the guise of chivalry
I don’t need to add to any belittling or lack of respect it’s mutually heaped in the roles you enact with your dp
Go ahead You sugar coat it as chivalry,traditional,romance,whatever

@Lipstick you are hilarious
Crack on with your one sided narrowminded view.

And you crack on top,well not at the bar obvs,because you’ve got a man for that
So,umm,yea crack on with whatever else you’re able to independently do

MissPolly your marriage dynamics are absolutely no one else's business IMO.

It's people like you who are helping to ensure a gender pay gap and a firmly maintained glass ceiling for your daughters (and mine). I hope they enjoy their subservient lives playing second fiddle to their more important chivalrous menfolk.

bloody hell, some of us have a life but others do attach a lot of importance to little gestures don't they
See, I am comfortable enough in my relationship that I - or the said relationship- is not defined by who goes and buy the drinks. But I can understand that some others are so insecure they need to dissect every little thing and be unable to accept others are different.

I can also sleep happily even if one of us spent 10p more than the other, I have a marriage, not an audited business transaction. We don't need a spreadsheet to know we are equal.

Polly your marriage dynamics are absolutely no one else's business IMO.Rivers that statement would be true, had polly not chosen to discuss her relationship on mn
She’s made it “business” by stating what she finds acceptable and unacceptable

@Lipstick all that equality and indepedence and you still have to make a catty remark. Meow😸

I think it’s petty and tight arse to be bill splitting whoever pays for the meal. I’m not saying the man should always pay, at all, but a couple in a long term relationship going halves on a meal out is an alien concept to me.

Lol,at meow.you call me narrow minded,I’m presumably meant to let it slide polly
As You said By all means “crack on”.but in your case just not at the bar

I think this is a separate thread all on its own, but I consider myself a feminist ( I’ve actually been called a terf before!) but I just can’t help finding stereotypical big, strong, manly men who open doors for me and pay for stuff and protect me and look after me, incredibly sexy. I could never find an skinny arty type who wanted to split the bill attractive

Because thats what it is.
Not once have I insinuated or told you you're wrong for what you believe, you have and continue to belittle mine and others alike.
You cannot accept that this is what works for some people.
You cannot accept it doesn't equal disrespect.
You cannot possibly fathom a woman who wants to be treated in this way.
Feminism is about liberating women, whatever and however they chose to live. Not berate and downgrade them.

That is exactly how you're narrowminded.

i don’t find discrimination manly or sexy.And I don’t seek it out in @ man
And equally sitting waiting on my dp bringing me beverages is alien to me
I have never shared monies with a partner,never will. Alien to lose that autonomy

Oh I see polly,when you address me as “narrow minded” it’s a helpful observation
I compose posts you don’t care for and it’s all oh meow
Nah.

but I just can’t help finding stereotypical big, strong, manly men who open doors for me and pay for stuff and protect me and look after me, incredibly sexy.

Perhaps because that’s what you’ve been told to find sexy your entire life. Because guess who runs the world and gets to tell others what is attractive and what isn’t?

I have a marriage, I can't imagine DH sending me a bill when he covers me on maternity leave, or me sending him one when he's been made redundant. Even in the name of equality and independence.

Where does it stop? You time the chores, or put a price on them? Must you time showers to ensure you spend the same amount of hot water?
It must be quite time consuming.

Pamela,when you can make a point that’s not hyperbole please do so
No one is talking about timing showers etc. Only you.to make a daft point

@Lipstick I addressed you as narrowminded after you continually refuse to accept others way of living. Berating, degrading and belittling myself and other like minded PPs because it doesn't suit your belief.
Not once have I said you are wrong for your way but all you have done is mock and tell me how wrong it is for mine.
I reiterate from my PP I am genuinely pleased the dynamic of your relationship works for you, but just because myself and others have a preference for a chivalrous relationship it does not make it wrong.

LipstickHandbagCoffee
I don't know, you are the one who split bills when out with her partner, it's a totally alien concept to me, so why would it be so different to split the bills at home? It's exactly the same thing.