To think husband could be a bit more husbandly?

[ilovemycatmorethanyou]

This is a little lighthearted so please don’t let’s go all LTB 😂

Name changed as it could be a bit outing.

DH and I went out last night for a meal and drinks with friends, we don’t go out very often, maybe once a month.

When we arrived he bought me a drink and we sat down at the table. We weren’t in a round with anyone and the other girls husbands were going up to the bar to buy their drinks. My glass had been empty for a while so I got up to buy myself a drink, asked if he wanted one but he didn’t.

We have independent finances, always have had.

AIBU to wonder why I’m the only female getting up to buy her own drink? I felt a bit peeved by it.

Am I being a princess?

If DP was going to the bar I would expect him to ask me if I wanted a drink, because if I was going to the bar I would ask him. We share finances so in that respect it make no difference who buys the drinks, but I certainly wouldn't expect him to get me a drink everytime I had an empty glass. I tend to drink faster than him anyway.

I think people need to own the fact that they’re just being lazy in this regard. It’s nothing to do with respect or chivalry. You just don’t want to have to get off your ass and hang around at the bar. Which is fine, but own it. Don’t hide behind the false assertion of “old fashioned manners”.

Either that or you married a man who never gave you a choice and you’ve got to justify it to yourself somehow why you’ve never challenged it.

But he did buy you a drink when you got there, OP? Was he supposed to be getting the drinks all evening? Maybe the other women's partners share finances, so being the ones to go to the bar didn't mean they were the ones paying out of their personal slush fund all night. Tbh, I'm not getting the horror of you having to go up to order drinks by yourself?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having old fashioned views when it comes to how men should treat women. I like that dh opens doors for me and pays for things when we go out. I’m not saying everyone should be like that but we are both happy with our relatively stereotypical gender roles

I can’t imagine splitting the bill with dh when we go out. How odd and petty and tight arsed!

Sound like Hyacinth Bucket waiting for Richard to open the car door.

Aside from politeness, I'd look at it from a time perspective - you often have to queue at the bar so why wouldn't someone buy their partners' drink and save a second trip up there?

Anyway, I'm off to colour-coordinate my Hyacinth-style hats and flowery dresses...I loved that series, she was hysterical.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having old fashioned views when it comes to how men should treat women.

Really? All of the old fashioned views about how men should treat women? Or just the ones which mean you getting things done for you and having money spent on you?

Yes pretty much

My sister is one who expects her husband to go to the bar as a matter of course. She's always been lazy though. As a child she used to ask other people to go to the toilet for her if they were on their way there

Well at least you own it! You’re advocating from a selfish perspective.

can’t imagine splitting the bill with dh when we go out.How odd confused and petty & tight arsed
What part offends you?why Is it so unfathomable to pay separately

With your own money
Confused?cant You can’t do basic maths,work out your share add 20% tip
Petty?in what respect is it petty to pay cost of what one eats/drinks. petty is not paying
Tight arsed is the expectation of not paying ones share and expecting dp to pay. Having the means but not the inclination is tight arsed

Some people on this thread have said that only those arguing against the op are being rude/judgmental, but I don’t think that’s true. Amongst other comments those in the ‘princess’ camp have said that men who don’t do this are rude, socially unaware, lacking in faculties and basically that women who don’t expect to be waited on are somehow in a substandard relationship.

I go to the bar to get drinks and treat my partner to dinners out, I like treating him like my little prince :) and he does the same for me.

How can paying for your own food and drinks be tight arsed? that’s the complete opposite of tight arsed. Expecting someone else to pay because they’re Male and you aren’t is tight arsed.

@pamelax

In my observations I’ve found a lot of these ‘I’m treated like a princess relationships’ end up being incredibly unequal and sadly end badly. Inevitable really in a relationship where power is wielded by one of the other participants. Men in relationships like this actually value the woman very little, and often move on to a ‘better’ offer. In a true partnership this doesn’t happen so much as there’s mutual respect not founded on one of the couple being on a false pedestal.

Tight arsed is sitting perched expecting a man to pay because you’re a woman
Expecting a man to flash the cash,in a conspicuous I’m pay for the lil lady
You know a lady,course you do.they can’t be seen,heard,and have insufficient gravitas to be served at a bar

Only the lady heavies,the lads,get served at the bar

@lipstickhandbagcoffee actually has little to do with money, I could give my DH the money as long as he's the one getting up!
You really are clutching at straws with the assumption it's because we must be seen not heard or have the right to be served at a bar.
What part of this is how a relationship works for some people are you not understanding?
If you wanna get up and get your drinks then go for it, take it one step further if it's a barman don't you dare let him even make the drink for you, just because you know, "feminism"

Paying “more” doesn’t make you into “more” of s gentleman Lipstick.

What certain women on here don’t grasp is that it’s not about the money st all!

It’s about the gesture. Some women prefer a men who will take the lead or make the gesture in certain areas. I’m one of them and if it makes me old-fashioned, I’m fine with that. I couldn’t think of anything less sexy than bill-splitting. The very thought of it make me numb with boredom. I would never feel attraction to that kind of man - something would be missing.

Actually polly,read the thread.women who report can’t be seen/heard at a bar
So they send their man.
Money,other posters have made point that its all about money.apparently its
Unromantic
Petty
Tight arsed
To pay your own share of a bill

I couldn’t think of anything less sexy than bill-splitting
Some one paying my bill doesn’t make me feel “sexy”

To me that’s a vulgar comparison to suggest money spent,a bill paid is sexy.
If you equate sexy to the amount of money on spent you really have internalised patriarchy. And literally get off on the transaction

I've read the thread, who said they don't want to be seen or heard at the bar, I'm confused?
Yes bill splitting is odd. If you're married "what's mine is yours and whats yours is mine?" Why should it be split? As for dating or just relationships then the gesture of a man paying is nice, if I was to be back in the dating game I would make the offer to pay but would expect the man to refuse my offer and pay himself, if he didn't I'd be slightly disheartened and if there was so redeeming qualities he'd be in the bin.

Lipstick, if you reduce everything to money all the time, you are spectacularly missing the point.
It’s about certain behaviours associated with masculinity and women responding to that.
Equality is all well and good and politically correct but its not exactly romantic or sexy is it?
When you look for a man, you’re not looking for someone who is the same as you. You want something more. Differences are what attract us to the opposite sex. There are certain “dating rituals” that have stood the test of time because some (many)? women like a man who makes them feel more feminine and vice versa. It’s basic human psychology. I don’t want a man who mirrors me as much as possible. I don’t need that to feel equal. You can be different, yet still equal - it’s just a more interesting dynamic and balance. Too much “sameyness” just sucks the air out of life imo.

Yes bill splitting is odd...Why should it be split? Because I/we want to
Because we have separate finances
When dating I paid my share,no expectation that man pays.why should they?
I changed a venue date chose on basis it was too expensive and we went halves

We have seperate bank accounts but joint finances/ shared money if that makes sense. I don’t know why but if we go out he always has the money and goes to the bar pays for meals etc. It might have been drawn out of my account but I would hand it to him.
He isn’t controlling in any way and I sort out everything admin/finance wise usually so I quite like it on the rare occasions I don’t have to.

Plus the whole point of marriage is “what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine”, surely? If you don’t have that mentality, where is the commitment?

Whilst I agree with a lot of the pro equality posters, I think what the op was asking about wasn't money or going to the bar, but more being ignored by your dp on an evening out with other couples where their dps didn't ignore them.

We get table service here, one friend of ours bought me drink after drink and refused me buying one back. So I paid for one at the bar when I left. The next time he saw my husband he was raging at him about women buying drinks. It made me think that he didn't like women having access to money.

Op I get you!

I expect my dh to give me Table service if we ever go out to a buffet restaurant and he does