to worry about slightly chubby 4 year old DD?

[microferret]

My DD is 4 and a half, 107 cm tall and weighs 20.3 kilos. Our daycare provider flagged up her weight as a potential concern at the last meeting we had, a couple of months ago... It has been on my radar since she was about 2 though.

I'm at my wits' end... We did everything right. She was EBF until 6 months, and then we slowly introduced solids. We offer lots of veg and fruit. I made sure small amounts of sweets and treats were part of her daily intake because I wanted her to have a healthy attitude to them. She loves them, but doesn't over do it. She understands that there are limits, and accepts them. She doesn't overeat at all! She's active, she runs about a lot and rides her bike. It's baffling.

After the meeting, DH and I decided to take some action. We decided to skip carbs in the evening, so she has a dinner of protein and veg, and then some olives or a small amount of nuts if she is still hungry. But it's made no difference - she's still gaining weight at a worryingly steady rate. She has a sweet treat after daycare at about 4pm, just to make sure she doesn't feel deprived. Breakfast and lunch are normal, with carbs. The daycare staff don't feel she really eats too much, they say she eats just like the other kids do, who are all of course skinny as rakes.

I'm really at a loss at this point. It's a mystery as to why she gains weight constantly. DH and I are both slim, we eat lots of veg and model good behaviour. I wasn't a very skinny child although I was never overweight until my teens, but even I remember feeling horribly different and chunky because all the other kids were beanpoles and I was more muscular, with short legs. Even though my mum was feeding me super healthy stuff and I only ate sweets and desserts at weekends.

I just don't want her to suffer like I did. It's a quandary.. Do I take action now (and what fucking action, really, apart from starving the poor kid???) and risk screwing up her relationship with food, or do I relax and wait for the puppy fat to disappear, and risk the problem getting worse?

Has anybody experienced similar? Can you offer tips?
*if you're coming on to tell me about your kid who was fat until 2 and then became a skinny minny with a huge appetite and hollow legs please don't. It's not the same situation and isn't helpful.

@microferret
I know you’ve posted on AIBU for traffic but it really isn’t a good place for this. They will rip you apart on here. You don’t need the hassle. I suggest asking Mumsnet to move it elsewhere.

You know what you are doing OP. Carry on.
I agree. You are a mother after my own heart. “Everything in moderation” is also my constant mantra. And I think if the paediatrician thinks she’s fine, and the caring but over-zealous nursery assistant flagged concerns, you know who to trust.

@microferret , I am genuinely sorry if I have upset you. I have two cousins who had almost identical experience. They are now both grandmothers with daughters of their own and the daughters have different body types to them. They worked hard not to pass on their food related obsessions to their daughters. They wanted to break the cycle. They succeeded by bringing up healthy eating active daughters who enjoyed the odd treat but didn't make a thing of it.
Don't let some officious bullshitter trigger your anxieties.

I think you're overthinking it. She's a healthy weight and doesn't look overweight. It's good to monitor it if you have concerns. I worried about my DD but I think I was just paranoid and then she started school and walks 2 miles (there and back) at least 3/4 times a week on top of dance lessons and swimming and a sport at the weekend. She is ravenous and eats big portions. She's 19kg 5 years old. She could be due a growth spurt

Thanks bellini. I appreciate it.
I'm desperate not to repeat the mistakes of my poor mum, who lived and died with an ED. I don't care about my little girl's appearance. I just want her to be healthy and happy.

pigs you're probably right. Just posted here because my last post in children's health got ignored. I think I've got enough good advice in the thread now to leave it alone tho so will possibly just hide it.

It's probably alot to do with biology. Some children are just naturally bigger/smaller than others, so try not to worry too much. Having said that... Sweets everyday at 4 is way way too much! It's not a treat if it's an everyday thing. Gosh, my almost 5 year old had a few sweets last night (first time since Xmas) because we'd had a really busy week as a family, and barely seen eachother, so I promised we could watch a film with some popcorn and sweeties. She loved it, but knows now that she probably won't have sweets for months, but she enjoys fruit and sees that as a treat anyway, and sweets are just for special occasions. There's just no need for them in a 4 year olds daily diet. I would address this as it won't be helping matters, and make sure her activity levels are high. Make some healthy swaps, only water or diluted juice to drink, reduce processed foods etc. With the warmer weather coming up it'll be easier to get out and about and keep her active. My 4 year old, although quite slight for her age, can be a lazy toad, and will quite happily ride the buggy board everywhere we go, so we have to consciously get her to walk. She also loves tv, so we have to limit this and opt for dance videos so she's up dancing along rather than just sat there not moving. X

I’d believe she’s at the very top end of normal based on the photo.

The daily ice cream / sweets is too much, no matter how small the portion. No child needs that to not feel deprived.

You have to retrain her thinking on food to teach her that healthier options are an enjoyable treat too. Swap out for fruit/yoghurt/light savoury options.

I’m a bit gobsmacked that you’d be restricting carbs at dinner while daily ice creams/sweets are a thing.

Thanks bellini. I appreciate it.
I'm desperate not to repeat the mistakes of my poor mum, who lived and died with an ED. I don't care about my little girl's appearance. I just want her to be healthy and happy

What struck me a few posts back is would you be worried if she were a boy?

Society has a really fucked up attitude to girls and weight. I have seen frankly fat boys praised for their large appetites and i have lost count of the amount of times I’ve heard the “you’ve not eaten much, no wonder you’re so lovely and slim” about teen girls.

We have so lost sight of normal it’s ridiculous. One one hand super thin actresses and photoshopped models are held up as ideal, on the other people are obsessed with childrens food intake and weight gain. I still see people doing the “three more spoons, then you can have pudding” routines.

I have struggled with food and the social pressure to be seen hardly eating all my life. With my kids I have backed right off. No eat this and you can have this, no finishing meals. Nothing is restricted. They get served a meal, if they don’t eat much no big deal. If they fancy sweets or ice cream we walk to the shop and get some.

The language around food and weight is so, so important. Especially for girls.

I would be worried if she was a boy. My son is 2 and is very short and very chunky and I'm also anxious about him. He doesn't get sweet stuff every day at all, he doesn't even really eat much but just stays chubby. However there is still the possibility he'll age out of it as he's still so young. That possibility is somewhat lessened for my daughter, at 4.

But yes bluezoo I do agree wholeheartedly, I basically try not to restrict what they eat and I def don't force them to eat if they're full. I hate that girls are pressured not to eat. I eat what I want now after a lifetime of dieting... I want my kids to have the same ability to do so.

Redwinestillfine suggesting sticking a four year old on the scales regularly to monitor their weight? Really?