to worry about slightly chubby 4 year old DD?

[microferret]

My DD is 4 and a half, 107 cm tall and weighs 20.3 kilos. Our daycare provider flagged up her weight as a potential concern at the last meeting we had, a couple of months ago... It has been on my radar since she was about 2 though.

I'm at my wits' end... We did everything right. She was EBF until 6 months, and then we slowly introduced solids. We offer lots of veg and fruit. I made sure small amounts of sweets and treats were part of her daily intake because I wanted her to have a healthy attitude to them. She loves them, but doesn't over do it. She understands that there are limits, and accepts them. She doesn't overeat at all! She's active, she runs about a lot and rides her bike. It's baffling.

After the meeting, DH and I decided to take some action. We decided to skip carbs in the evening, so she has a dinner of protein and veg, and then some olives or a small amount of nuts if she is still hungry. But it's made no difference - she's still gaining weight at a worryingly steady rate. She has a sweet treat after daycare at about 4pm, just to make sure she doesn't feel deprived. Breakfast and lunch are normal, with carbs. The daycare staff don't feel she really eats too much, they say she eats just like the other kids do, who are all of course skinny as rakes.

I'm really at a loss at this point. It's a mystery as to why she gains weight constantly. DH and I are both slim, we eat lots of veg and model good behaviour. I wasn't a very skinny child although I was never overweight until my teens, but even I remember feeling horribly different and chunky because all the other kids were beanpoles and I was more muscular, with short legs. Even though my mum was feeding me super healthy stuff and I only ate sweets and desserts at weekends.

I just don't want her to suffer like I did. It's a quandary.. Do I take action now (and what fucking action, really, apart from starving the poor kid???) and risk screwing up her relationship with food, or do I relax and wait for the puppy fat to disappear, and risk the problem getting worse?

Has anybody experienced similar? Can you offer tips?
*if you're coming on to tell me about your kid who was fat until 2 and then became a skinny minny with a huge appetite and hollow legs please don't. It's not the same situation and isn't helpful.

I'd cut out the sweet treats; she honestly doesn't need a daily treat! Save puddings for the weekend.

Check her portion sizes against the recommended ones for her age. Lots of people give children huge portions, then the child grows up used to over eating.

It's hard to judge from the photo as can't see her tummy or face, from the back she looks plump but not overweight.

If you think she's gaining weight too fast just cut down portion sizes and get her to run around more. Sadly lots of parents are in denial about child obesity even though there's a crisis.

Op, please, just please dont restrict her carbs at dinner. Honestly, carbs are not the devil and children need them to grow and thrive properly. You really cant treat her the way overweight adults may chose to manage their weight. She isn't overweight, her BMI and her photo are FINE, honestly anyone telling you she is overweight should have a word with themselves. Children come in all different body shapes and builds and I worry about the wording you are using for them. I can see you are trying your best for her though but maybe a little obsessively. I can understand why though, I had a super obsessive mam and I still turned out fat and I am trying not to obsess over my daughters and give them a hint of my own issues.

"My mum was a mega control freak and it absolutely messed me up as a child and teen. I should just chill probably" honestly my mum was the same, she hoarded and hid food, restricted it when I was hungry because I "had enough" and focused on my size a lot while obsessing over her own. I would be giving weight watchers meals while my brothers had proper dinners from a very young age and looking back I was in no way over weight at all, and she will admit now that I wasn't.

You need to let her eat to her appetite once you know she isn't thirsty or bored and has been active. I wont say not to give her icecream sometimes everyone needs a treat, it might be better for it to be given as part of a meal but its not a big deal to me. We might not do icecream every day but they do get something whether its something after dinner or when we are out. Going everyday after school can lead to habit though as it can be harder to get out of. My sons school is beside a car, I could bring him for a treat everyday but I try not to so its easier if I say no the next time, he might get it after dinner later though. My 2 daughters have completely different body types and different needs food wise but if I feel they are eating too much i would target the snacking and make it healthier and make sure they are more active and might add a bit more to their main meals of the protein and veg to keep them fuller. We all have full fat milk and dairy too, none of the slimline watery milk because we found it was too sweet.

I understand where you are coming from, its very hard trying to make sure not to pass on disordered behaviour about food, and honestly I dont think you have an issue with her weight her at all.

Also, shes 4, she is supposed to be growing and putting on weight.

I know it’s hard not to worry but she looks absolutely fine to me.

I had concerns with ds when he got to around age 10. He had always been super skinny (though quite solid iyswim) but suddenly he filled out and started to have a significant amount of visible body fat. He was also constantly hungry after being quite a picky eater up until this point. I was worried sick and began monitoring what he was eating, rationing treats etc.

In the end I mentioned this to my dm, and she laughed and said my db was exactly the same at that age and he was probably due a growth spurt. She said that kids wouldn’t naturally overeat and if he was hungry to let him have whatever he liked without making a fuss. As mothers often are she was absolutely right. He is now a tall, slim, but solidly built teenager, who goes through phases of eating us out of home, usually followed by a growth spurt.

If we leave them to it, kids naturally self-regulate, if we start interfering (as I did) we don’t allow them to do this. Our natural instinct is to worry but your dd looks fine.

She's built like DD2 was at that age... still had quite chunky little toddler-esque legs, compared to her sister who'd stretched out and got all gangly and long limbed fairly early on.

By about age 5 1/2 DD2 suddenly just lost all of it and now she's leaner than her slightly older sibling. Just took a little bit longer to lose that toddlery squidge from her (her BMI was fine throughout - she sees various medical professionals and they all do a height and weight check every time).

She looks gorgeous, please don't worry at this age. A friend of mine has a 13y.o DD who is a UK 16 and not much over 5ft so definitely over weight for her age. Shes not doing anything to help this, apart from occasionally have her walk to the shop. She doesn't like sport herself so has always projected that onto her DD so she will even take the day off school for sports days/p.e!

OP she looks fine. Her diet and lifestyle sound fine. You seem to be doing a great job. And I am usually hypercritical.

She may grow up to have a stocky build. Not everyone is willowy or waif-like. She needs to be taught that strong healthy bodies come in lots of different shapes and not get hung up on a specific body type.

And yes, lovely dress x

Your DD sounds just like my niece, as she grew taller she became leaner and is now a slim 13 yo. I know kids that don’t touch fruit or vegetables and live off chicken nuggets, chips and crisps who are very slim. Her diet seems very balanced imo, I see nothing wrong with a little treat each day.. I do the same with my DD who is 4. Unfornately, I think it comes down to genetics at this age.

Hard to tell from that angle and layered clothes. 4-5 is an age a lot of them thin out though, they're going from toddler shape to child shape. And they are supposed to keep gaining weight. If they are moving up the percentile lines and keep doing so rather than following a line, then you go to the doctor which it sounds like you have and doctor is not concerned. I'd keep monitoring and if she still keeps going up percentiles ask the doctor again.

My ds was ‘chubby’ from around 8. Up until then a bean pole. Now he’s 14 and carrying weight- yet swims, plays rugby 3 times a week, plus 4 times a week school games, rides his bike at home (we live on a mountain so going down is easy, coming up is hard work), he has no breakfast (won’t eat it), has a ham salad wrap and brownie for lunch (I can see what he buys via the app), for tea it’s usually salad with chicken and jacket potato, salad with chicken Kiev and new potatoes, ham salad, veg potatoes and chicken in sauce etc. He has crisps probably twice a week, and chocolate bars I.e a club three times a week, ice cream once a month if that. All he drinks is bottled water.

Yet still he carried the weight. However his dads side of the family are all weight carriers. Always on diets and different ones. I think we are getting to the stage that unless we starve him for a few months then there’s always going to be some weight.

I wish we lived closer to a gym so he could go a few times a week. But it’s a 20 mile journey, so not easy to fit in, plus the extra expense with fuel etc.

I just want to say I understand your worry and frustration. Been there, still there!

The advice I was given was to control quality of food, not quantity. Treats and ice cream daily is setting up bad habits. She looks fine though OP. I think you may be projecting your issues here.

I think I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that it's just her genetic destiny
Don't think that. It's very unlikely. I agree that a scoop of ice scream is not a big deal in itself, but it seems to have become an expected daily treat and that's not really healthy.

The most likely reason for her weight is portion size. A handful of nuts and olives is quite calorific, probs ly accounting for 1/5 to even 1/4 of her intake, that's quite a lot.

It's fantastic that you recognise that she's overweight and you wa t to do something but as you don't seem to be able to pinpoint the reason, I agree that seeing a doctor/Paediatrician or dietician might be the best way forward.

OP you are in Germany and they have different ideas about sweets etc there. I remember friends having a bit of cake every day with coffee, and none of them were overweight at all - they seem to have much better ideas of portions, and IIRC seemed to eat less processed food overall than in UK. Don't stop the small treat if everyone else is doing it! She looks totally fine to me, maybe just a different build, and she obviously gets plenty of exercise.

Please give us a typical day of food for your daughter.

She doesn't look big at all OP. She also looks tall! Try not to worry much they do have odd growth spurts and I could always tell when DD was about to have one as her face would suddenly look round...then almost by magic she would stretch upwards and it would go back to normal for a few months. See a doc if you are still really worried, but from the picture it is not an obvious issue from an outsider's point of view.

@SnowyAlpsandPeaks he's 14. He's about to shoot up this or next summer. By 17/18 he'll be skinny as can be. Loads of boys always go quite chubby around 12-/14. Look at your school class pics and compare them. I found most of the chubby ones I went to school with are now about 6ft+ and not chubby at all!

Oh go away @managedmis... Unless you're a qualified dietician, please do sod off.

Bad day, fivered? What's your problem?

Having seen the photo, there is nothing to worry about here. She looks absolutely normal, just a bigger girl and not a rake. She looks similar in build to my DD who is almost 4 and it's something I've worried about too, given that lots of her friends are beanpoles.

Non dairy milk can be really sugary. Almond milk especially. Does she have a lot of milk to drink because drinking a lot doesn't fill you up but packs in the calories and fat?

My only other thing is to question your cereal. Some are like feeding them biscuits for breakfast.

Once over 2 years children don't need full fat milk. In fact my DS doesn't drink milk, just has diary in everyday life porridge or rice pudding or some cheese.

My DS is on the chunky side, but BMI ok. I don't stop sweet treats, but I'm careful generally about his diet. There is no set snack time. So 4pm isn't biscuit time for example. This means I can change things and make swaps if he has already had something as a treat.

I think a small scoop of ice cream or a few sweets is absolutely fine. We've all lost our sense of perspective here. Not every child can be below the 50th percentile otherwise what's the bloody thing about? Someone has to be bigger or taller. I'm quite surprised they're weighing them in kindergarten?
Listen to the paediatrician. They're qualified in this area not a nursery nurse who's not.

re. percentiles, she's remained on a fairly steady trajectory on the same percentile line since pretty much birth. She hasn't crossed a percentile line since perhaps the first 3 months of life. Both my kids started off small as newborns and then became immensely fat from exclusive breastfeeding, and they've both followed the same percentile lines for ages.

DH was a very fat toddler and very slim now, not an ounce of fat on him, he's mainly muscle. Perhaps... perhaps there truly is such a thing as... puppy fat? (prays)

She looks completely fine and healthy! If you're very worried about it I would cut the sugar because no human needs sugar really. Look at how humans evolved and you will see that it's actually not natural. You might be setting her up to think she has to have sugar everyday and that's wrong, I think the psychologist is completely wrong, sorry. That kind of thinking leads to diabetes.

If you want to give her a treat, go with berries (strawberries, raspberries, etc). They are a good source of energy but are not too heavy on the carbs. You could even do strawberries and cream. You could also try plain yoghurt with a low sugar conserve or jam. Cut out the juice as well, many seemingly healthy foods are actually very bad. I only say this because I really struggled with weight and my mum didn't try to help. It just got worse until I could figure out dieting as a teen, which was bad as you can imagine. If you help her eat healthily and give her treats when it's a special occasion then it will be better in the long run. Eating sweets everyday sets a person up to be dependent on them imo.

@Fiveredbricks Funnily enough he has started to go up, he’s 5ft 10 now, and the last 2 months he’s had to wear a belt on his trousers as they are a bit big!

I do hope so, because I know his weight gets him down, because he does the same as his friends activity wise, but he’s not drinking Coke all day, and not eating bags of sweets, yet the poor kid can eat a burger and put on 7lbs, and his friends can eat 3 burgers and not an ounce will go on! He gets so frustrated and I could cry for him some days.

I have two children. One was near the 91st centile for weight, the other way down at the other end. Same rules on sweets and treats and exercise. Same diet. Now, the first child is a powerful muscular rugby player. The second is a willowy wonder who couldn't run the length of himself.
The point is: be confident in your healthy lifestyle. Your child will grow into herself. They're all different.