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AIBU?

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Original poster

not to have opened the door?

133 replies

SuckingOnDiesel · 10/05/2019 20:03

I know I am! Bloody MN teaching me never to open the door BlushGrin

So my gas stopped working yesterday. Called the gas company who sent the gas man round. I fell in love

Seriously though, I broke up with my (abusive) DDs dad 18 months ago, and haven't been interested in anybody in that time. I'm only 25 and thought I never would be again tbh, it's been so long. I only really go to work or hang out with my DD and our friends. I sometimes say that Mr Right will have to break into my house if he wants to meet me Blush

There was so much chemistry, he did a couple of other (unrelated) little jobs for me. He was really handsome and funny and interesting. Kind with my DD whilst she was chatting away to him. Same age, similar interests. We just clicked. Stayed chatting for about half an hour after he'd finished. He definitely seemed really interested. Went to say something with his phone in his hand but then went. I was gutted but kind of hoped the gas people would have given him my number (in case he couldn't find the property or whatever) and he might text.

He knocked on the door at like 7.30 that night. When he came over, I looked an absolute state as there was no hot water so I had greasy hair and no make up etc. Then this time I still had no make up, wet hair and mismatched PJs. House was a mess as I do a tidy after bedtime. And also, I was just caught off guard and panicked so I just ran upstairs and hid BlushBlush

I don't even know his name! But know where he lives, where he grew up, former jobs etc.

Regret not answering the door so so much! My sister told me to try and find out his name from the company/ find him on Facebook but this seemed too stalkerish. But then when he knocked on my door, I thought I clearly wasn't being too crazy! So I tried Blush couldn't find him on Facebook. Had to phone the gas company for sometning else so I asked them under the guise of wanting to leave him a good review. They said they use a third party contractor so don't know who it was who came but would send his company my feedback.

That's it, isn't it? I'm going to have to forget about him. And get myself on tinder or something 😩

OP posts:
pink412 · 10/05/2019 20:11

I’ve seen people ask about finding people on the local spotted Facebook page. Might just work.

Original poster
SuckingOnDiesel · 10/05/2019 20:14

I’ve seen people ask about finding people on the local spotted Facebook page. Might just work.

Oh god, I thought just asking the gas company for his name was a bit extreme. I'd never be brave enough to do that! Blush

OP posts:
TooTrueToBeGood · 10/05/2019 20:20

You could always call the gas company snd tell them their engineer left some tools at yours and could he come back to collect them.

Original poster
SuckingOnDiesel · 10/05/2019 20:23

You could always call the gas company snd tell them their engineer left some tools at yours and could he come back to collect them.

That's an idea but after I've already asked them to pass on my good review to his company? They'll think I'm mental, wont they Grin I should have asked what his company (the contractor) was called so I could pass on my feedback personally. I'm not the quickest thinker, if you couldn't tell!

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 10/05/2019 20:24

Can I suggest you need to be a little bit wary? He came knocking unannounced at 7.30 that evening? I don't want to rain on your parade, but...

JustCallMeSliths · 10/05/2019 20:30

I think it was a bit weird that he turned up on your doorstep one evenimg unannounced tbh. Without wanting to sound doom and gloom, I'd wonder how many other people he'd done that to and was he expecting a stranger with a child to invite him in?

Not sure his company would be happy with him using customer details like that either So probably best for him that you didn't get his name.

Back into rom com mode... won't it be the contractor/company who did the work who gives you the paperwork for the it, not the gas company?

You're 25 so there is no reason to even think it won't happen again if you want it to.

Original poster
SuckingOnDiesel · 10/05/2019 20:30

Can I suggest you need to be a little bit wary? He came knocking unannounced at 7.30 that evening? I don't want to rain on your parade, but...

I thought somebody might say that but it's not like he has any other way to contact me. I'd probably do the same if I knew where he lived Blush plus, my ginormous dad who can definitely handle himself is staying with me at the moment so even if he did come round with bad intentions, he'd get chucked out with a clip on his ear pretty sharpish.

OP posts:
JustCallMeSliths · 10/05/2019 20:31

@Singlenotsingle - agree. It's a bit... off isn't it.

Original poster
SuckingOnDiesel · 10/05/2019 20:35

I think it was a bit weird that he turned up on your doorstep one evenimg unannounced tbh. Without wanting to sound doom and gloom, I'd wonder how many other people he'd done that to and was he expecting a stranger with a child to invite him in?

Not invite him in, just ask for my number maybe?

Not sure his company would be happy with him using customer details like that either So probably best for him that you didn't get his name.

I wasn't going to tell his company that he knocked for me and I was interested in him! Was just going to use it to find him on social media.

Back into rom com mode... won't it be the contractor/company who did the work who gives you the paperwork for the it, not the gas company?

I didn't get any? Just a generic leaflet on my new meter.

You're 25 so there is no reason to even think it won't happen again if you want it to.

I go out a few times a year for birthdays and stuff with the girls, can't see myself meeting anybody in that environment. No chance at work. Apart from that I'm with DD all the time. I've tried online dating in the past but I find it all so awkward and anxiety invoking and I hate small talk. I can't see it happening for a long time tbh (until maybe another household utility breaks and they send a handsome tradesman Grin).

OP posts:
oneforthepain · 10/05/2019 20:36

Can I suggest you need to be a little bit wary? He came knocking unannounced at 7.30 that evening? I don't want to rain on your parade, but...

I find this creepy, not romantic. It's disregarding all kinds of boundaries. Including the part where he took on the role of your knight in shining armour by doing extra jobs for you.

Did you do the Freedom Programme after leaving your abusive relationship? (Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk) You seem a little like you might be underestimating how vulnerable you are.

He was charming, I get it, but he's also a random stranger. Anyone can pretend to be charming. "If it seems too good to be true..."

I don't distrust nice people simply for being nice, I distrust people whose charm is so bright it dazzles you and who also massively step outside of boundaries.

Lllot5 · 10/05/2019 20:37

Did he give you any paperwork at all company name might be on that. But be careful just a friendly bit of advice

EnglishRose13 · 10/05/2019 20:38

He should have left a note with his number through the letterbox if he was coming back to ask you out.

Just to turn up at night seems a little creepy.

traveller11 · 10/05/2019 20:41

I was having a new washing machine fitted and having a bit of flirty banter with one of the engineers.

That evening he dropped his number through my letter box with his name on a scrap of paper. If he really is genuine and interested, he would find a way to contact you

NoSauce · 10/05/2019 20:41

Honestly be careful OP. You don’t know this guy from Adam.

oneforthepain · 10/05/2019 20:43

I'd wonder how many other people he'd done that to

Also this. It's not that you're so special he's made an exception, more likely that he tries this with lots of women until he hits a target who is vulnerable enough to get sucked in.

Re your comment about your dad - my concern is less him launching into an immediate assault of some description, my concern is that you're being targeted by another abusive man who'll reel you in and gradually ramp up the abuse (and may in the future stretch to assault). Coercive control.

Abuse is just about control - abusers behave differently and deploy different tactics. That's what Freedom Programme would teach you about, how to spot the warning signs before you get sucked in.

Original poster
SuckingOnDiesel · 10/05/2019 20:43

Ok, I really prefer the rom com vibe Grin I did do the freedom programme (online). Found it really interesting and a lot resonated with me. I've been on my own for a long time and have really healed a lot and am certainly not desperate to be with any man.

At the back of my mind I definitely had the idea that he might just be after sex which I definitely wouldn't have been receptive to with my kid and my dad upstairs even if it has been years! But I recognise my own self esteem issues and just wanted to have a chance to have contact to see if it went anywhere tbh, with my eyes fully open.

I don't think he was trying to be overly charming. He would have appeared normal to others, I think we just clicked. 🤷🏽‍♀️ it was just fixing a cupboard door next to the meter that another guy who checked the meter broke, and helped me put up a shelf as I was in the middle of it. Only took 2 minutes.

OP posts:
desparate4sleep · 10/05/2019 20:43

Aww this sounds so romantic. I hope he comes back tomorrow. I'm sure you'll be lounging about the house in a full face of make up from now on just in case.

Original poster
SuckingOnDiesel · 10/05/2019 20:45

That evening he dropped his number through my letter box with his name on a scrap of paper. If he really is genuine and interested, he would find a way to contact you

Even if he saw me running up the stairs after him knocking? BlushGrin I'm such an idiot.

OP posts:
Sindragosan · 10/05/2019 20:47

Hmm really? Majority of tradesmen are quite charming as they depend on recommendation to get more business, and they're in a different house every day (or several) and have to get on with people, particularly if they like tea and coffee.

Yes, he probably was nice, but he'd have given you his number before he left if his intentions were honorable.

Original poster
SuckingOnDiesel · 10/05/2019 20:49

Aww this sounds so romantic. I hope he comes back tomorrow. I'm sure you'll be lounging about the house in a full face of make up from now on just in case.

Is there a secret camera somewhere in here? Grin

Seriously, I get what you're all saying. I've been involved with a seriously nasty piece of work before. I've grown up in a rough area surrounded by horrible men. I'm young(ish) but I've been through a lot and I am not naive. I'm aware I don't know this man and it might not go anywhere. I don't personally think knocking on the door at 7.30 is that weird to just ask for my number? The tradesman my bloody landlord sends don't think twice about rocking up at 8pm when I've been waiting in for them all day! I didn't even think he could just put it through the letterbox, so maybe he didn't either? Just wanted to see where it went really..

OP posts:
oneforthepain · 10/05/2019 20:50

To be frank, the more I sit with this, the more I think your body's instinct to run and hide is the one you should listen to!

freddiestaratemyhamster · 10/05/2019 20:51

OP. A friend of a friend is marrying the guy who delivered her groceries. After he heard she was single, he knocked on her door and asked her out. These things can happen. Good luck!

Twillow · 10/05/2019 20:52

Just worried for you that he knows you have a child and could have nefarious intentions

Original poster
SuckingOnDiesel · 10/05/2019 20:52

 really? Majority of tradesmen are quite charming as they depend on recommendation to get more business, and they're in a different house every day (or several) and have to get on with people, particularly if they like tea and coffee.

Not emergency gas engineers working for a third party who is contracted by gas suppliers though, surely? And staying for half an hour chatting after he'd finished? 🤷🏽‍♀️ he might not like me that much, granted. Never mind, I'm not crying about it. Tbf it's given me the push to think about OLD again.

OP posts:
Dieu · 10/05/2019 20:56

Hi OP. I'm another one who thinks it inappropriate that he turned up on your doorstep. If a female displayed such a lack of boundaries at the start, she'd be labelled a bunny boiler!
And what exactly was he coming round

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