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AIBU?

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Original poster

not to have opened the door?

133 replies

SuckingOnDiesel · 10/05/2019 20:03

I know I am! Bloody MN teaching me never to open the door BlushGrin

So my gas stopped working yesterday. Called the gas company who sent the gas man round. I fell in love

Seriously though, I broke up with my (abusive) DDs dad 18 months ago, and haven't been interested in anybody in that time. I'm only 25 and thought I never would be again tbh, it's been so long. I only really go to work or hang out with my DD and our friends. I sometimes say that Mr Right will have to break into my house if he wants to meet me Blush

There was so much chemistry, he did a couple of other (unrelated) little jobs for me. He was really handsome and funny and interesting. Kind with my DD whilst she was chatting away to him. Same age, similar interests. We just clicked. Stayed chatting for about half an hour after he'd finished. He definitely seemed really interested. Went to say something with his phone in his hand but then went. I was gutted but kind of hoped the gas people would have given him my number (in case he couldn't find the property or whatever) and he might text.

He knocked on the door at like 7.30 that night. When he came over, I looked an absolute state as there was no hot water so I had greasy hair and no make up etc. Then this time I still had no make up, wet hair and mismatched PJs. House was a mess as I do a tidy after bedtime. And also, I was just caught off guard and panicked so I just ran upstairs and hid BlushBlush

I don't even know his name! But know where he lives, where he grew up, former jobs etc.

Regret not answering the door so so much! My sister told me to try and find out his name from the company/ find him on Facebook but this seemed too stalkerish. But then when he knocked on my door, I thought I clearly wasn't being too crazy! So I tried Blush couldn't find him on Facebook. Had to phone the gas company for sometning else so I asked them under the guise of wanting to leave him a good review. They said they use a third party contractor so don't know who it was who came but would send his company my feedback.

That's it, isn't it? I'm going to have to forget about him. And get myself on tinder or something 😩

OP posts:
SlipperOrchid · 11/05/2019 01:12

*Your first instinct was right.

He could have popped a note through the door
He could have called round in the morning

Calling later in the evening unannounced was over stepping that boundary a bit. your in a really vulnerable position, alone in the house with dd at night.

You did the right thing not opening the door.

He might not be a mad axe man but you need to set those boundaries for yourself.

Your still so young. I met my DH at 30*

This ^
and yes he could have dropped a note in through your letterbox.

mabelsgarden · 11/05/2019 01:29

@SuckingOnDiesel

Hmmm, you may think you're in the middle of a cheesy romcom OP, but something is just 'off' with all of this.

I agree with the posters saying he probably cottoned on to you fancying him (with you being all girly and giggly,) and popped back for a shag. Probably didn't think anyone else would be there.

I am also willing to bet he is married/in a relationship/shagging 2 or 3 women at the same time.

I doubt this is the romance of the century that's going to go anywhere.

Maybe I'm a jaded and cynical old boot, but I wouldn't build my hopes up if I were you.

2toe · 11/05/2019 01:30

He’s possibly a predator and thinks your are vulnerable, maybe he had lost something and went round to everyone he worked for that day, maybe he wanted to ask for your number but didn’t think it was appropriate while he was on company time and you were a customer, maybe he intended to put a note through the door but didn’t see the point thinking you weren’t interested after you ran away and hid!
I wanted to ask for someone number when he was making a delivery to my house (this was maybe the third or fourth time) but didn’t think it was appropriate when he was doing his job, he came to my work a week later and wanted to ask for my number but didn’t for the same reason! We only found this out months later through a mutual friend by which time we were both with someone else.
Life is short so take a chance!

RSAcre · 11/05/2019 01:35

Blimey there's a lot of sad, cynical people on here.

Blimey, there are a lot of wise posters on here with real life experiences who are gently offering advice to ensure the OP remains mindful about protecting herself. Bastards, huh?!

RSAcre · 11/05/2019 01:37

I would be wary of ANY man - no matter how innocent or nice or genuinely interested - who lacked the empathy to second-guess his instinct to rock up uninvited to to house of a woman he has only just met in a work context.

If he doesn't have the sense to appreciate why a polite note with his phone number on is so much more appropriate than knocking on the door & expecting it to be opened, what else might he not have sense about?

Also got alarms bells going off about having his phone in his hand as he left, but not offering his contact details there & then. Makes me wonder if he's a chancer playing the numbers game to see who might bite.

Sorry OP - but if he IS genuine & interested, he may come back with a note through your door (i.e. not a demand for your immediate presence). Either way - use the confidence boost you have received as a springboard to start meeting new guys.
OLD as you mentioned, or as PP suggested, ask your dad of he would facilitate evenings out for you so you get a break from domestic responsibility & can have fun/social/hobby time.

Jemima232 · 11/05/2019 01:44

OP - he must have your contact details already, as he has attended your home address. Surely he would have been told your phone number at least, and probably your email address.

Isn't all that on all those triplicate forms they have to fill in nowadays?

RSAcre · 11/05/2019 01:48

30 years ago before mobile phones and social media this is the only way he’d have been able to speak to you again.

The only flaw in this logic, @threedeepatthebar, is that is isn't 30 years ago, the guy had his phone with him when he chatted with OP for several minutes in person, yet chose not to offer his phone number there & then. Instead he turns up in he evening out of the blue ... why? Deeply presumptive.

justarandomtricycle · 11/05/2019 01:53

Haha, I laughed a bit too much at "go all GDPR in my ass". Whatever floats your boat Wine

Really though, this is one of those times when you trust your first instinct, let it go, and let him try to reconnect if he wants to enough.

At your age, you can let misfires go with no concerns of whether there will be more.

Zoflorabore · 11/05/2019 04:16

I am going with the very few posters that aren't being cynical here op.

Very similar thing happened to me and it was lovely while it lasted. I also think it has made you realise that you may be ready to date again so whichever way you look at it, he's done you a favour.

Good luck :)

Raspberry88 · 11/05/2019 06:06

This is seriously off. If you think about it the other way, that he could have misinterpreted your interest or that you could have meant nothing by being chatty and friendly and then he turns up at your house in the evening. Can you see how scary that would be if you hadn't wanted it? Yes, your dad is there but he doesn't know that, as far as he knows you're there on your own with a child.
He has your address for work purposes, there will be policies against doing the sort of thing he did, for good reason and that is to protect clients. He shouldn't be using personal information that you provided for a service for any other reason than completing the job.
Given that we know how often women respond to men's overtures because they don't feel able not to I think this is shocking and to be honest I would be reporting him, rather than trying to get in touch with him. Major, major red flags.

TheInvestigator · 11/05/2019 08:26

He knocked a door!!! I'm a woman and I don't find that even a tiny bit threatening. He's s man; they don't think like paranoid women. Especially not when a lot of women don't even think like that. He knocked a door!!! That's not crossing a boundary. It's not being rude. It's not being predatory.

He probably thought it was a romantic gesture, something like a movie which would make OP happy and shoe her he was interested. That's as far as most men's thought processing goes with stuff like this. He could also be all of the horrible things people are saying but so could anyone you meet anywhere so we don't let that stop us.... well, us normal people don't.

Original poster
SuckingOnDiesel · 11/05/2019 10:52

*But what's the reason?

PERSONAL ISSUES!!!*

GrinGrinGrin

No call as yet. I don't think he's married, he's 25. I don't know anybody who's married that's my age. 🤷🏽‍♀️ Also, at 25, I think it's different from being a 45yo man when you're a bit more knowledgable about women being at risk from men, especially if you've lived a pretty normal life. I know none of my friends would think this was creepy, and none of my friends who are boys would think they would frighten somebody by doing this. Maybe those views come from more life experience.

Not trying to make out I'm some helpless little kid. I know 25 is not that young. God knows I live the life of an old spinster anyway!

OP posts:
roses2 · 11/05/2019 10:57

OP when he knocked on the door, did he see or hear that you were in and chose not to answer?

Original poster
SuckingOnDiesel · 11/05/2019 11:14

OP when he knocked on the door, did he see or hear that you were in and chose not to answer?

Not sure. But I think yes because I saw the high vis jacket through the glass front door and then directly inside like a metre there's a wooden door and I kind of pushed that to and ran upstairs. So he would have seen the wooden door pushed to through the frosted glass IYSWIM. Hence my just got out the bath story cos I chucked my hair up and smeared on a bit of foundation still in two minds of what to do and came downstairs a few minutes later and he was gone.

So that's probably why he didn't put his number through the door 🤷🏽‍♀️

OP posts:
idbenappingbutthedogbarked · 11/05/2019 11:35

Omg would people read the thread! He did know her dad was there, he does know she's not alone, he probably didn't rock up for a dinner time shag knowing her daughter and dad were in the house.

He doesn't have your number so he knocked. Of course if he posts a dick pic through your letterbox then obviously he's not the one.

MissKittyFantastico0 · 11/05/2019 11:46

He doesn't have your number so he knocked. Of course if he posts a dick pic through your letterbox then obviously he's not the one.

Grin
PregnantSea · 11/05/2019 11:59

Not got much advice to add on the gas man as you've had plenty already, but just wanted to say that 25 is no age at all and don't give up hope! Plenty of people meet "the one" after 25, it's very normal these days. So even if you and the gas man don't cross paths again don't worry about the fate of your love life. Just live your life however makes you happy and someone will eventually come along who is right for you.

statetrooperstacey · 11/05/2019 12:04

If you felt strong chemistry track him down, See what happens. I’m married to the police officer who came round my house to take a statement! We are very happy

Original poster
SuckingOnDiesel · 11/05/2019 12:22

He doesn't have your number so he knocked. Of course if he posts a dick pic through your letterbox then obviously he's not the one.

GrinGrinGrin

OP posts:
Original poster
SuckingOnDiesel · 11/05/2019 12:23

If you felt strong chemistry track him down, See what happens. I’m married to the police officer who came round my house to take a statement! We are very happy

God, if people want me to report my gas man they they'd probably expect your policeman to be publicly flogged Grin I love all of these stories.

She still hasn't phoned....

OP posts:
foreverhanging · 11/05/2019 12:27

Sorry op but since I watched Luther I totally don't trust anyone anymore Grin

MiniMum97 · 11/05/2019 12:42

There's a lot of mistrust on here. Very sad. Yes he could be an abusive sex crazed paedo. Or he might be a nice guy who got nervous at asking for her number on leaving then came back to the house to do it. There is no evidence at all that he has dodgy intentions.

Yes I would proceed with caution, as with any stranger. And take things slowly and carefully taking all the normal precautions. But I wouldn't label him quite yet.

MiniMum97 · 11/05/2019 12:45

I love all the "showed up to your house at night" rubbish. It was 7.30 ffs, not 11pm! It's not even dark at that time at the moment.

I think knocking in someone's door before 9pm at any time if the year is acceptable.

MiniMum97 · 11/05/2019 12:46

And he was probably just on his way home from work having finished his last job. It's not unusual for gas engineers to work late.

notapizzaeater · 11/05/2019 12:52

Aww, hope it works out for you and he comes back

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