not to have opened the door?

[SuckingOnDiesel]

I know I am! Bloody MN teaching me never to open the door

So my gas stopped working yesterday. Called the gas company who sent the gas man round. I fell in love

Seriously though, I broke up with my (abusive) DDs dad 18 months ago, and haven't been interested in anybody in that time. I'm only 25 and thought I never would be again tbh, it's been so long. I only really go to work or hang out with my DD and our friends. I sometimes say that Mr Right will have to break into my house if he wants to meet me

There was so much chemistry, he did a couple of other (unrelated) little jobs for me. He was really handsome and funny and interesting. Kind with my DD whilst she was chatting away to him. Same age, similar interests. We just clicked. Stayed chatting for about half an hour after he'd finished. He definitely seemed really interested. Went to say something with his phone in his hand but then went. I was gutted but kind of hoped the gas people would have given him my number (in case he couldn't find the property or whatever) and he might text.

He knocked on the door at like 7.30 that night. When he came over, I looked an absolute state as there was no hot water so I had greasy hair and no make up etc. Then this time I still had no make up, wet hair and mismatched PJs. House was a mess as I do a tidy after bedtime. And also, I was just caught off guard and panicked so I just ran upstairs and hid

I don't even know his name! But know where he lives, where he grew up, former jobs etc.

Regret not answering the door so so much! My sister told me to try and find out his name from the company/ find him on Facebook but this seemed too stalkerish. But then when he knocked on my door, I thought I clearly wasn't being too crazy! So I tried couldn't find him on Facebook. Had to phone the gas company for sometning else so I asked them under the guise of wanting to leave him a good review. They said they use a third party contractor so don't know who it was who came but would send his company my feedback.

That's it, isn't it? I'm going to have to forget about him. And get myself on tinder or something 😩

I've been involved with a seriously nasty piece of work before. I've grown up in a rough area surrounded by horrible men.

Yes, but the point is that plenty of incredibly vile, abusive men have a wonderfully charming, community-spirited external persona. It's their preferred means of getting close to women to hurt.

You can't spot abusive men based on whether they seem outwardly nasty. If you think that you can, then with respect, I would seriously consider repeating the Freedom Programme.

You are naive if you're basing your threat assessments on charm and comparing new people to previous obviously vile men. It's not a reliable or safe approach.

OP. A friend of a friend is marrying the guy who delivered her groceries. After he heard she was single, he knocked on her door and asked her out. These things can happen. Good luck!

Ah 🥰

Your first instinct was right.

He could have popped a note through the door
He could have called round in the morning

Calling later in the evening unannounced was over stepping that boundary a bit. your in a really vulnerable position, alone in the house with dd at night.

You did the right thing not opening the door.

He might not be a mad axe man but you need to set those boundaries for yourself.

Your still so young. I met my DH at 30

*Yes, but the point is that plenty of incredibly vile, abusive men have a wonderfully charming, community-spirited external persona. It's their preferred means of getting close to women to hurt.

You can't spot abusive men based on whether they seem outwardly nasty. If you think that you can, then with respect, I would seriously consider repeating the Freedom Programme.

You are naive if you're basing your threat assessments on charm and comparing new people to previous obviously vile men. It's not a reliable or safe approach.*

I'm saying that I understand I need to go into things with my eyes open. Obviously my DDs dad wasn't abusive from day 1. I didn't say he was overly charming, I said that we clicked. I don't really find the knocking on my door after my DD was asleep to be a red flag if he was just coming to ask for my number. Neither does my best friend, my sister or my mum who is very risk averse. So I'm just supposed to disregard anybody who I click with?

I'm with other PPs who think it's downright creepy he knocked on your door at night. I think if he'd been genuine, he'd have left you his mobile number and said if you ever fancy a drink or chat sort of thing.

I'd be really wary if he comes back around again. Seriously.

It's nice though that you felt attracted to someone. Look at OLD again, but do it on your terms

Sorry, posted too soon. What was he coming round for? To give you his number? Well why not do that in the first place!
The cynic in me (online dater!) thinks that he may have been up for a shag, and called round when he thought the wee one was in bed.
The romantic in me thinks he should have put a note through your door, saying he enjoyed meeting you, and here's his number if you fancied taking it further.
And as an aside, YANBU for not answering the door! I'm pretty vain, and never would have in the situation you described also I'd have been a bit freaked out.

Your in a really vulnerable position, alone in the house with dd at night.

I'm not though. My dad's at the top of the stairs. Which he knew.

Anyway, I get it. There's no way I can get in contact with him anyway, and obviously he wasn't that interested if he didn't put his number through the door, didn't even consider that to be fair.

Forever alone, I guess

When he came over, I looked an absolute state as there was no hot water so I had greasy hair and no make up etc. Then this time I still had no make up, wet hair and mismatched PJs. House was a mess as I do a tidy after bedtime.

A bit off topic, but in my experience most men take no notice whatsoever of state of hair, lack of makeup, etc. They either think you pass the attractiveness test or you don't.

Even if you never hear from him again I think it's good that you're ready to put yourself out there again. And you may well hear from him again.

No not at all.

But set the boundaries for yourself.

Knocking on during the day, it’s light, people are about - fine.

Putting a note through the door not to disturb you and dd as you may be getting bathed and ready for bed - fine

Just turning up at night and knocking on - not so cool.

It possibly was an act of impulse of him but he should have also had the fore thought to think it might not be appropriate at this time of early evening/night.

He will call back again hopefully at a more appropriate time if he is really interested. Dh chased me for three years.

He's a creep. He thought you would be desperate and up for it. These blokes are a type, he will be shagging loads of women. Don't despair op your dc will grow and life will pick up. You can meet ppl anywhere, library, supermarket...

*A bit off topic, but in my experience most men take no notice whatsoever of state of hair, lack of makeup, etc. They either think you pass the attractiveness test or you don't.

Even if you never hear from him again I think it's good that you're ready to put yourself out there again. And you may well hear from him again.*

To be honest, having somebody show interest when I wouldn't even go to the shop looking like I did that day is a bit of a confidence boost. I've been trying to lose a bit of weight before OLD but maybe I should just go for it. I'll set my location preferences for 20 miles and never know, might come across him

Realised I've made myself sound like a bit of a loser. I do get plenty of messages on social media and stuff but I ignore them all because I absolutely find that creepy. So I'm not just some desperate girl jumping on the first person who's shown her interest in years. He's just the first one I've been interested in back.

What does your dear ol dad think? Is there anyway you could arrange for a babysitter in the evenings once a week or once a fortnight so that you can get out of the house and go and do something, go out with friends or do a class - like an evening dance class... just to give yourself a break.

Blimey there's a lot of sad, cynical people on here.

@BackforGood - I don't think taking steps to keep yourself safe is sad at all.

What does your dear ol dad think? Is there anyway you could arrange for a babysitter in the evenings once a week or once a fortnight so that you can get out of the house and go and do something, go out with friends or do a class - like an evening dance class... just to give yourself a break.

He's the kind that's embarrassed to even think of his little DD involved with boys but yeah, my DD is good at going to bed at 7pm so I've got a live in babysitter after that. I'm going to join the gym soon. My friends are mostly in loved up with their DPs or are single parents themselves without a babysitter. But I could date easily enough. I'm just shit at talking online. I'm a bit of introvert and my job's pretty stressful so sometimes I just cba to message and think of good chat after a long day at work. Which isn't really the way things work OLD.

Or maybe we've seen things happen that make us sad and cynical and are thinking of a young mum with a young child in the house alone?

@SuckingOnDiesel no one thinks you are desperate.

It's actually a really great sign that you thought about it. You are obviously moving on even if you don't think you are.

You describe your life how it is right now. There may be ways to change that now if you want to but it definately won't always be like this.

Sorry, keep forgetting to bold quotes.

Arh I love this! Ignore the others you sound switched on and 730 on a summers night isn't creepy . I want to track him down for you please keep us posted 🥰🥰

Flagged up on my 'uh oh, that's not ok' meter as well.

Do you even know if he is single? Sounds like he was after one thing, prob gets loads of women like this. Sorry but there's red flags all over the place.

He was good at connecting with you. And he had a golden opportunity (and the confidence) to give you a business card or simply write down his name & number, and suggest you call if you’d like to chat again/maybe go out sometime. But he didn’t.
Instead he simply showed outside your home at night.

He was too smooth in the beginning & too odd later.

Or maybe we've seen things happen that make us sad and cynical and are thinking of a young mum with a young child in the house alone?

I'm not alone! My 18 stone 6ft 3 dad is in a room literally 15 steps away, which came up in conversation, so he's well aware. Sorry but I just find it a bit offensive for people to think I'd ever put my DD at risk by letting some random man in our house at night whilst we were here alone. When I keep mentioning my dad being here.

I had to get a restraining order from her dad, get my letterbox boarded up, got extra fire alarms all over the house. Couldn't open any windows ever. My phone number and address have markers on with the police. Scariest time of my life. I'd never put her at risk.

OP, this is mumsnet. On mumsnet, nobody ever answers their door. They don't let their teenage kids go for a walk in local woodland and they go 'no contact' if their mother in law looks at them funny.

You really don't get normal, real world advice here. Not for something like this.

Popping round to yours at 7.30 isn't com I f over at night. In my house, 7.30 is dinner time. It's no where near "late". And as an emergency gas engineer, he had probably finished his last job of the day and popped over to speak with you and get your number. Nothing nefarious about it. Now, of course there is always the chance that a man is dodgy whether you meet him in the pub, online or via a meet-cute like this. There is no way to ever be certain other than getting to know them and running for the hills if they display worrying signs.

If I were you, I would have answered the door. Especially if my dad was upstairs! You were safe. But you say you looked a bit messy so I can understand why you hid instead!! If he pops round again, just talk to him! See where it goes. Good luck!